oh hey, they had a son in the attic it seems
Oh yeah it hasn’t come up yet
But their last name is “Peep”
I can’t tell the timeline for this
hang on, is that Burny?
Looks like Burny, pre-fire
It’s Constance, post husband and Moira murder
1994, so around the time of Tate
just after by the sound of things
I love the idea of measuring time by murders.
I guess on this show it quickly becomes a necessity.
One child with downs, one child with whatever Bo has
I mean, she then locked him in the attic
and has “maybe pre-burn burny” smother him to death with a pillow
Would that kill someone as easily as it does on the TV’s?
The pillow smothering
I always feel like you could just… breathe through the pillow
The idea is that you apply a bunch of pressure
It’s different to just resting a pillow on someone’s face
Is Bo Gimpy?
I don’t know.
I’ll probably find out at some point.
They don’t introduce characters all that often
there’s only 12 episodes in season 1, and most of the character were introduced in the first few
“You’re having twins” That explains the rapid growth of the baby
Gimpy might not be the father
Potential house buyer sees sexy young Moira
unless it’s just men?
So many of these characters are women, I just noticed
Moira is trying to convince this guy to buy the house so he’ll make a pool
so he can dig up her body and free her from this hell
Oh hey, Burny
I thought you’d died, honestly
“The open house is by appointment only”
Burny: “Is it my face??”
No, it’s literally just the appointment thing
this guy is good at the extortion game
Didn’t you already own this house?
Why are you surprised by the fireplace?
Or did you just want to burn things?
“You know what would look great in here? A mural.” ha! It’s almost as if he knows about the horrific hell mural beneath the wallpaper
oh yeah, Kindly Police Officer and Vivian are getting it ON
or… possibly Vivian and Ben?
Or possibly Vivian and Gimpy?
nope! It was Vivian and herself.
Tate is getting Violet to stop cutting
considering in the first episode he was explaining how to kill yourself
“Do you believe in ghosts?”
BAIL ON THIS
BAIL ON THIS CONVERSATION
NOT GOOD CONVERSATION
“This guy considering buying the house has a burned face” Ben is now in panic mode
Handsome potential buyer is back
Young Moira: Still being seductive!
First usage of the phrase “Sex Swing” in this show!
Somehow not the first use of “Big, thick cock”
Aaand, it swapped to old Moira just in time to be offputting
“I’m gonna bring in bulldozer’s, turn it into units” NO. WE NEED THE POOL. SO THAT MOIRA CAN BE FREE.
Burny is Larry
That’s strangely similar
Oh right, the $1k he was blackmailing
forgot about that
turns out he didn’t kill his family
he’s just a nutjob
Larry is creepy
so he wants to be happy with “her”
I’m not sure who her is at this point
I think it’s Constance
yup, it was Constance
“I supposed if I were a man I’d love her too”
“It was her house before” then she shot two people
and hid at least one body
What the fuck happened to the other guy?
Larry (Burny)’s backstory is that his wife burned herself and his two daughters to death after she found out he was leaving her
But yeah, what happened to the husband she murdered?
He’s nowhere to be seen
Ben, is this the first time we’ve seen you smoke?
okay, full history of the house it seems
“Thaddeus” was the name of First Lady and Dr Husband’s son
My theory, as it stands, is that Thaddeus is Gimpy
oh shit, the baby is alive
How did he do that?
Magic! He’s a surprise magician
It wasn’t freshly dead when the cops found it
Unless he’s about to kill her
because she has been seen with a fucked up back of the head in the past
as a ghost
First Lady is so sweet looking
oh damn, there was no baby in that crib
then she turned around to hear snake noises
he killed a woman to bring the baby back
and now it’s evil
oop, first lady has just killed her husband
gun in the mouth
Present day again
“Let’s not put that in the listing” the real estate agent is fun
If this were Breaking Bad she’d be Saul Goodman
She’s actually getting her own spinoff
“Better Call Whatever the Real Estate Agent’s Name Is”
(They got really lazy with naming TV shows)
Why is Constance in the basement?
why is everyone in this show so mean
i just want them to be happy
“He’s tearing down the house. Then what’ll happen to all the wanderers who reside in here?”
Okay, that’s actually a really good question but if they’re trapped to where their body is until Halloween they’re not really “wanderers”
Tate just totally rescued Violet from Bo
Tate is a badass
“All you have to do is tell them to go away and they will” Were it so easy
oh hey, relics from all the past stuff in the house
Gay porn from the gay couple
embalmed shit from the first two
picture of a baby?
oh hey! Nurse
Okay, apparently it really is just as easy as saying “go away” to the people
Constance is way too fucking good at getting into places without breaking in
Constance, you have problems
the main problem being that you’re crazy
Like, I get that you’re trying to save the house
for the ghosts (maybe?)
but this guy is a developer, you’re not going to guilt him into not developing
he’s also a sexist apparently
Tate and Ben!
Catty conversation between Constance and old Moira
Constance: “You missed a spot.”
Moira: “So did you. Crying? Good.”
I can’t tell if Tate knows that Constance is his mum
Like, where does he think he’s living?
He clearly doesn’t know he’s a ghost
okay, he’s knows she’s his mum
This Bo character is very new
“Mumma’s gotta say goodbye” we didn’t know he existed until not that long ago
“Greasy Persian” guys, he’s firmly established he’s Armenian. This is not a tricky thing.
God fucking dammit, just let Moira go
She can interact with a lot of things, why not grab a shovel and dig up the bones?
There’s presumably some rules in play
Greasy Armenian is back at the house
gonna do some sex with Moira
or possibly get murdered by Gimpy
probably that one
looks like both
oop, she bit off his cock
and now he’s being killed via a plastic bag
was the biting off of his cock really necessary?
You could have gone straight to the murder
“Take him off the property before he expires. Don’t want to encounter HIM again”
Looks like Violet is totally falling in love with Tate
Vivian has just realised that the First Lady in the house is totally the woman who came to check it out and freaked when things were different!
I hope they hang out
This is called “Rubber Man”
and opens with a dramatic shot of Gimpy wandering the halls
we gon’ get some info?
Poor First Lady
She’s just not coping with the changes in the house
Someone is comforting her
It’s her son
whoever it was then put on the Gimp suit
to give her “Her baby”
Can Thaddeus be a girls name?
That a thing?
come on, come on
who is Gimpy
It was Tate.
That was my prediction a few episodes ago
because he wore it once
Has he been Gimpy ever since?
I don’t think Gimpy and Tate have been in the same room together
without being the same person that is
Marcy is a real estate agent
Marcy is a real condescending bitch
Moira: “We’re all just lost souls”
You say All.
It’s not correct
ooo, gay couple flashback!
Chad’s boyfriend was involved in an online S&M forum
how about that
Who is this woman advising Chad fights for his boyfriend?
This song just started with “I like sex.”
Really all it needed to say
“I don’t like pain”
S&M could be a poor move
“Maybe he wants to be in control”
“I never thought of that” This guy is a bit selfish
“Point of the suit is to dehumanise the sub”
I did not know that!
I’m learning stuff all the time on this show.
The salesman is a convincing fellow
Pat is laughing at the suit
which is fair enough, honestly
it’s kind of silly
I think it’s Chad in the suit
Pat doesn’t like it one bit
“Depressing sex is even more depressing when you try so hard”
“Jerking off with someone online isn’t cheating” Up for debate!
“Jungle Jim” is a good online handle
Pat is being all like “Dude we are super broke”, apparently they just don’t communicate at all
“I like leather, not latex” Chad, did you even try in your snooping?
Present day again!
Aw, crying first lady ghost
being comforted by XX! ha!
XX is coming to terms with her death much better than First Lady
which is impressive, considering she’s so much longer dead
Moira does NOT like XX
Moira does like Vivian, which is cool
XX is a bitch
breaking shit left and right
just to be unpleasant
“There’s a power in the house” That seems obvious by this point
considering that there are numerous ghosts around
Oh crikey, someone (XX?) just stabbed a guy to death
for cheating maybe?
Their actions don’t stick? So they can’t kill people?
Doesn’t really explain cockless from the last episode
I forgot that XX was going to Uni for something criminal related
Oh hey, First Lady is panicking about her lost baby
who is not Gimpy!
I liked that theory though
XX, your plan of kidnapping one of Vivian’s babies for you and giving another to First Lady is sweet, if morally questionable
Gonna send Vivian to the looney bin
I’m impressed she’s made it this far with her sanity
oh dear, Bo’s ball
Oh hey, they’re dicking around with lights
I forgot that was a trope
XX is just screwing with Vivian
it’s kind of hilarious
trapped her in the bathroom
With the Gimp mask! ‘eeyy!
Flashback to Tate putting it on
I was just thinking “Has Tate actually done anything evil as Gimpy?”
Then there was a flashback to him murdering the gay couple
yeah, that’s pretty evil
How the hell did they frame this as a murder suicide?
That just looks like two murders
Tate and First Lady are totally bro’s
Tate killed them because their plans to adopt the baby fell apart, and now someone new can move in
I guess it worked
Violet is in the basement, trying to hang out with Bo
Violet is pretty chill
about the dead people
Violet: “I’m being bullied in school”
Ben: “What does that MEAN??”
Ben, your daughter has been through some shit
You can probably trust her on this
First day of school someone tried to make her eat a cigarette
that person was, and is, addicted to cocaine
Violet just schooled her dad
on why he fucked up
“You tried to sleep with an old lady!”
The old lady was young to him, but that doesn’t make it less reprehensible
“I looked up the drug online and found these side effects” talking to the doctor probably would have been a better idea
internet: Not so reliable!
Except for these comments
These comments are the definitive commentary on American Horror Story
She thought there were women trapped in the wallpaper
“They make up diseases. Like Hysteria” Moira you are not a doctor
“Comes from the word uterus” Yeah, I’d buy that
“Doctor’s would masturbate women in their offices and call it medicine” Morally wrong!
“That was a hundred years ago but women are no better off today” Provably untrue!
Not equal today, but a damn sight closer
Moira: “This house is possessed”
Moira what are you TALKING about???
“You need to get out while you still can” Probably for the best!
Violet: Not happy about leaving!
She liked the ghosts
Tate: Also unhappy!
“and Tate” Tate is totally a ghost
oh hey, the ghosts who invaded the house are in the car
Why are all the ghosts that aren’t Moira trying to trap these people in the house?
I can really see where Ben is coming from in regards to “The Ghosts aren’t real”
Which makes it worse that he’s wrong
“Violet was there too” Kind of forgot that, I hope he believes her
I’d feel so much better for Tate and Violet if he weren’t the ghost of a dead murderer
That’s not a qualifier I get to use often either
“You’re seeing things”
“The same way that you saw your mistress?”
Cheating: Morally reprehensible, but not really relevant to your hallucinations!
I mean, they’re not hallucinations
as has been established
“I threw this out months ago”
Oh dear, looks like he’s gonna find out about the real father!
Violet: Totally lying! I can kind of agree with her, but this is the worst time for it sadly
Vivian looks betrayed
XX is really enjoying being a ghost
she’s just sort of super productive now
Trying to get people to murder Vivian
and just generally fucking with Vivian
Don’t seduce XX!
(XX was trying to seduce Tate)
(It was BAD)
Real Estate Agent is totally Vivian’s bitch
They accepted the offer but no cheque arrived
That is because he is dead
Marcy looks horrified at her pregnancy pains
“Don’t have the baby now, that’s the last thing you want to do”
Yes, steal her gun
(It is not)
Getting an actual gun is probably not all that hard in America
compared to the illegalness of gun theft
Now’s she’s checking under her bed for people
She’s just so paranoid now
So far Vivian has killed NO-ONE
Hid NO bodies
intentionally cheated at NO POINT
Is convinced she’s going crazy
(The house is just evil)
(and full of unpleasant ghosts)
Gimpy just grabbed Vivian and vanished
so she pressed the panic button
and then shot Ben
right in the gut
The paramedics arrived before Kindly Security Officer
Kindly Security Officer should get his own show
“Kindly Security Officer lives a long and happy life with no ghosts”
That would be totally rad
XX is as always messing with Vivian
she broke the panic button!
Now how will we get Kindly Security Officer to come back??
the backup in the kitchen
While alive Hayden didn’t do much evil, just thinking about it
oh hey, Tate is trying to rape Vivian
that’s not cool
Tate, stop it
oh wait, it was a hallucination
it was Ben trying to calm her the fuck down
These people are totally understandable in their belief that Vivian is crazy
which makes it so much worse that she probably isn’t
Aaaand now she’s going to an institution
“You shot me. It’s gotten dangerous” True.
Vivian is being kind of chill
she about to pull a gun?
Pop some fools?
“At least I’ll be out of this house” Progress!
(not real progress)
Slow motion stair sequence!
Her pajamas are really good at maximising cleavage
“You did the best thing you could do. You told the truth” Ben, she totally lied! Oh no Ben!
Tate is sneaky
hiding from Ben all the time
Back to gay couple flashback
Oh wow, Chad is actually still alive!
Who suicides by shooting themselves in the chest?
Never heard of that one
“It’s kind of romantic. Now they’ll be together forever” jesus man
(Chad was only alive for a few minutes more)
EP8 is over, begin Ep 9~
!, not ~
~ is not used to emphasis
in fact, it’s not used for much
opening up the console in video games and “approximately”/”Not true” in all my maths assignments
I think that’s constance
Long black hair?
This is new
We’ve seen that lady, but I have no idea who it is
This person is a dentist
Failing actress in LA
“I’m gonna make it big”
“Don’t you think we could come to some kind of arrangement”
Hollywood trope time, yo
She gonna die in surgery?
Dental surgery specifically
Someone has found her mutilated corpse
mouth all messed up
legs separated from the torso
that’s messed up
It’d be interesting to have an episode all in the past
It feels as though the two sets of people tormented most in this house are the current ones and the earliest ones
Young Moira in modern day!
Trying to seduce Ben
He’s continually refusing you, just let it go Moira
Moira is tearing up at him wanting a normal life
She gonna stop the seduction?
Moira is all over the battle of the sexes
Constance is drunk
Constance is unpleasant as a human being
But apparently has a thing for actors
Larry, this guy
“Diddling” oh Constance
What’s next, Neighbourino?
XX, you trying to seduce Constance’s boyfriend?
He’s totally up for it
they’re now banging
Why does XX have a bruised arm?
She got hit in the back of the head with a shovel
I don’t remember anything with her arm
XX: “Dr Harmon and I are in love”
CBF: “Then why did we have sex?”
XX: “To see if I can still do it with someone still alive” SCIENCE
Oh hey, just as they were about to dig up XX’s corpse her ghost covers for Ben
Ben still thinks she’s alive
“I’ve always been there for you” When XX? When have you been there for him?
I really don’t remember this at all
oh hey, it’s ghost of actor from earlier
She looks so 40’s
(for good reason)
Elizabeth Short is her name
oh hey, she’s going to try to seduce Ben
Ben is GOOD at getting ghosts hot for him
1947 Ghost is really good at coping with the fact that cellphones exist
“You wife’s twins have different fathers” I’m certain that’s not possible.
I’m not a doctor though, so what do I know
Although Ghosts being fertile is useful to know
for genuine scientific reasons
I forgot that Constance has a vested interest in keeping Ben alive so he can be Tate’s psychiatrist
Moira and 1947 Ghost TOTALLY MAKING OUT on the couch
Ben fired Moira
I want her to be free, but now partially just so she’ll stop screwing with people
oh hey, I tried to check IMDB of Elizabeth Short
turns out she was a real person
Who died 1947
I really hope the stuff we’re seeing about her death isn’t true
Who is this creepy doctor?
I think we’ve met her
Oh wow, this is creepy
Elizabeth Short’s actor is the girl in the Teenage Dirtbag music video
American Pie, yo?
Now Ben is all mad that she had sex with another man
dammit, why can’t these people just know the whole story?
She does NOT understand what’s happened
Flashback to the leadup of Ben’s affair: Not super interesting
oh hey, XX (Before she was even X! Before she was ” “! Right now she’s “Pre”) has a crush on him
I sure hope they don’t sleep together
This might be the first time we’ve seen Ben show remorse for the affair for reasons other than the repercussions it had on him later
“I came around here the other morning and Kindly Security Officer was leaving” She presses that button pretty much daily at this point, that’s not a surprise
also considering they first met noticeably after she got pregnant he’s probably not the father of one of the twins
Constance just proposed
he was totally into it until she was then like “THEN YOU CAN BE A FATHER!”
“I had that dream. If it didn’t happen for me it will not happen for you” That doesn’t seem fair
Constance, what are you doing?
I don’t get it
She just went from proposing to him to “You are not a man” within 60 seconds
oh hey, he went straight to sleeping with XX
XX just stabbed a guy
stabbed him again
she stabbed him seven times
seven times is how many times she stabbed him
“One! Ah ha ha. Two! Ah ha ha.”
“Seven! Ah ha ha. Seven stabs!”
This is getting out of hand
The first people to live here frankensteined their baby
this got out of hand a LONG time ago
There’s presumably something before then
I hope we find out WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THIS HOUSE
“Well shit, now what?” You’re a ghost, doesn’t matter
Oh hey, he’s a ghost now
forgot that happens
A lot of people have died in this house
That’s fairly established already
oh hey, they mutilated Neighbour/XX’s lover in the same way at they did Elizabeth Short
The whole Elizabeth Short thing is actually true
Oh hey, Larry is skulking
Good old Larry
For a guy with horrible burns on 70% of his body he’s remarkably good at going un-noticed
50% of Constance’s interactions with Vivian are a pure bitch fest
the other half are lukewarm manipulation
Also Ben is confronting Kindly Security Officer about his imagined affair
Kindly Security Officer is still cool
“I’m infertile, but if it was mine I’d totally be a great father”
Ben: “You don’t know her”
Kindly Security Officer: “You do?”
Good point Kindly Security Officer
Ben’s relationships with women: Totally fucked!
“You called her a liar and a whore, and that was just in the last five minutes”
Moira is being all seductive again
Ben is NOT having it
Moira is possibly about to be useful?
Oh shit! He sees her as the old lady now
I hope the seductive scenes will stop
That would be creepy if they continued
They’ve been creepy for quite a while
“What happens when a spirit copulates with a living person” That’s what I want to know
“You know about the box? The pope’s box?” THEY BRING IN THE POPE?
“This box contains the ultimate secret. The end of the world” How do you know this?
You’re not the Pope
are you the Pope?
That’d be an exciting twist.
“The holy ghost merely whispered in the devils ear and she became pregnant with Jesus” That’s actually a really solid mythology