feels like something normally goes down this time of night
A pot of tea has appeared just as a video file opened
Let’s do this
Papa Stark it is cool you are honourable and all, but it is also cool that you are alive
Dude, don’t shoot the raven
All of the ravens?
So much raven shooting
It is like low tech hacking
He seems to have a servant girl solely for a place to rest his hand
Possibly a wife
Possibly a daughter! He has heaps of those
Haha, he has a problem of too many children
He was resting his hand on her bottom and Detective Stark said something about having children with her
Well, this IS Game of Thrones…
Jon was just given a super nice sword!
This guy is so nice! Giving Jon a sword and sending away the guy who was baiting him
Everyone is being nice to Jon! It is the best!
Everyone in this show is so nice!
Except for Tyrion and Arya
Who we hate
Sam! Don’t bring this love fest down!
Detective Stark! Don’t marry Arya off!
You can marry Robb off if you must
“What is honour compared to the love of a woman? What is duty compared to the feel of a newborn son in your arms?”
This guy is wasted on the wall
His talents are wasted
His talents are totally smashed
Ooh, this guy is related to the mad king
I think he was in direct line for the throne and opted out by going to the wall instead
Yeah, he was
Back in the days when going to the wall was a noble calling and not a refuge for bastards, criminals and unwanted children
Dany’s getting fat and Mr Dany just fell off a horse
Things are not going well since they killed Viserys
I hope Mr Dany is okay
Haha, Tyrion is recounting the hijinks of Shaggar and co.
Tyrion’s champion seems nice enough, I guess? Bringing him a pretty prostitute
Hehe, I like this girl
Drogo, please don’t die
Why does everyone has to die in this show?
Because Grr Martin had a LOT of characters
Also because we aren’t allowed nice things
He wasn’t even that nice, can’t he stay?
Dany just got herself a taste of power and now she’s going to lose it
Yes? I am listening!
‘I will trade your horses for these magic beans’
Why do they have to kill so many horses?
That’s a lot of blood
‘This is not really trading. This is just horse murder’
Those curvy swords are scary looking things
Jorah seems to have just killed a guy and Dany’s in labour, no biggie
The blood magic ritual was getting pretty boring anyway
This show really needed more drama
And really, less magic beans
Tyrion and cool lady and champion are having a fun night in.
Tyrion was married!
Jaimie organised the whole thing
“If I die, weep for me.”
“You’ll be dead, how will you know?”
Oh Shae, do not underestimate Tyrion. That kind of awesome isn’t so easily defeated.
So Tyrion got knocked out by his own soldiers before he even got close to the battle
Good job, mate
‘I was unconscious for juuust long enough that the producers didn’t have to spend any money on a kick-ass fight scene’
Are the Lannisters fighting the Starks?
Yes, they are
Why do they have to fight?
Why can’t they fight characters I haven’t met or can consider wholly evil?
At least Robb managed to take Jaime captive
He took my heart captive…
Anne, cuddle your betrothed!
He looks nice to hug
Wait, the Starks say they won, the Lannisters say they won, I am so confused
Did Arya just snap the neck of the pigeon?
She is now actually a beggar, but still not a boy
Arya, you just killed that pigeon, don’t just dump it in the street that is wasteful!
She was raised in Winterfell
They have so many pigeons it’s considered rude NOT to kill them and dump their bodies where they fall
Wait, wait, they aren’t killing Papa Stark are they?!
No, Sansa looks pleased
And she is not a psychopath
Damn Queenie, good hair
DON’T LOOK SO PLEASED JOFFREY
STOP STOP STOP
NO NO NO NO NO
NO STOP NO STOPP
WHAT WHAT WHAT
I DO NOT UNDERSTAND
WHERE WAS THE LAST MINUTE RESCUE
THEY DID THE SHOW WRONG
I WAS NOT EXPECTING PAPA STARK TO ACTUALLY BE KILLED
HE IS THE FIRST NAME IN THE CREDITS
AND OUR NOBLE HERO
I have decided I am okay with Mr Dany dying if Papa Stark can be not dead
THAT IS THE DEAL, GOT, THAT IS THE DEAL
Our baby’s first GoT heartbreak
Okay, I will watch the next episode where I am sure all will be much better
I can’t believe you guys wanted to kill Papa Stark last night
YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME THE FIRST SERIES WAS ONLY 8 EPISODES
Rule for the future: shit always goes down in episode 9
Nooooo! I don’t need to see the bloodied sword and the head of Papa Stark
I mean, at least clean the sword first
I don’t remember this person Arya is meant to remember
Also I suspect Arya is not going to pretend to be a boy
She could pretend to be a toy?
She’d make a pretty mean Buzz Lightyear
Damnit Bran, not this again
You can’t walk and crows don’t have three eyes
I am packing and showering now but will pop in and out!
Well presumably nothing bad will ever happen again so that’s okay
Rikon, if you saw him while you sleep it does not count
Detective Stark needs a hug, stat!
As does Robb
Good combo work, guys
This bard is not very good
I’d keep my fingers
Dude, just carry tongue cutting equipment around
You forget how hard teenage romances are, with the hormones and social pressures, and boyfriends ordering the deaths of your father
Happens to the best of us
“As soon as you’ve had your blood I’ll put a son in you” and yet the romance is not gone
HEADS ON SPIKES WHY
Sansa’s getting some backbone
Joffrey is yet to grow on me
Dude, Sansa nearly tried to kill Joffrey
THAT WILL NOT END WELL
Or end excellently, I am not sure yet
There’s not really a huge difference between the two in GoT
“Ending Well” is the same as “Ending Poorly” except you get to be king before being brutally murdered
So some guy just declared Robb king of the north
THE KING IN THE NORTH!!
Pfft, you are only saying that so you can be Queen of the North
Don’t hit on Detective Stark, it will not end well Jaime
“Why did you push him out the window?”
“I hoped the fall would kill him”
That is not what she meant!
Who is naked guy hanging around in Queenie’s bedroom?
Game of Thrones actually has a spinoff game show based around that
‘Name that cock!’
Cersei really has a type
Even Papa Lannister thinks Papa Stark should still be alive
Ooh, Papa Stark is sending Tyrion off to be hand to the king
And he called him his son!
That is an interesting move for someone who doesn’t have a head
Whoops! Wrong Papa
that was a depressing typo
Papa Stark and Tyrion being friends would be the best
Papa Lannister you old softie
Why can’t he take his whore? That’s just mean
Papa Lannister is a dick
Dany! Are you okay?!
I AM SURE HE WAS NOT A MONSTER
Ugh, I thought the death paid for life might end up being something like this
And Drogo is all weird
I feel the healer lady has cheated everyone
This show is the worst
Oh Sam, sweetheart
Shay seems pretty cool
Her actress used to be a porn star
N’aww, Sam (plus Pip and other) followed Jon!
IT’S JUST GETTING SADDER
So Dany seems to be smothering Mr Dany
She’s so overbearing
YOU MOCK MY PAIN
Haha, this guy seems to be boring his prostitute
It’s Baelish and Varys time!
They are the best
Arry the orphan boy!
Arry is the best
Oh man, if Arry ends up on the wall with Jon that would be the best thing ever
Yes! Jon will bring Papa Stark back to life!
He’s going beyond the wall!
These are somehow connected
IT’S ALL CONNECTED
Dany’s pretty hardcore really
Also: sweet funeral pyre
Dany, you appear to be on fire
She went into the pyre
I suspect she will be okay
It’s alright, because she likes the way it burns
And she is!!!
At last! Someone who doesn’t die!
AND SHE HATCHED THE DRAGONS!
THIS IS BEST EVER
Two things I got from that:
“WHERE WAS THE LAST MINUTE RESCUE”
Now you feel the pain we all felt
Clearly my subconscious has brilliant ideas for this show
So, end of season 1
I would like to hear your opinions on everything
I spent most of this episode thinking I HATE EVERYTHING
But then baby dragons!
A quote I saved from a previous episode: “Papa Stark it is cool you are honourable and all, but it is also cool that you are alive”
Elizabeth, that made me so sad
How did you guys cope with Papa Stark being all alive in my world?!
Was it gloriously painful?
he was the hero of the story
I am still not sure he was allowed to die
It’s what makes it good writing
They don’t care about yo rules
It’s what makes STUPID DUMB I HATE EVERYTHING writing
It’s possible I am still too emotional for a detached discussion
But it’s more likely that GAME OF THRONES IS THE WORST