So in the first episode we met Sarah and 2 clones. In the second, another 2.
Extrapolate for 3 seasons!
Thus far there’s been an average of one clone-death
One clone body looted
And half a bottle of soap drunk per episode
I am rejoicing the return of Sarah’s accent
I’m so used to fake-US Sarah
Sarah going full-British is weird
Okay the Soccer Mum clone is called Alison
I think we already knew that
But it’s NEWS TO ME
WHY ARE THESE CLONES BEING SO UNHELPFUL
A scientist differentiates between nature and nurture!!
“We’re all clones and they’re killing us off.”
I mean if it’s the people who made you killing you off, they fucked up by sending you all over the world in the first place.
That’s just inefficient
Felix is terrible at waiting in the car
I wonder if they all have the same taste in foods
Do clones eat food? All we’ve seen them imbibe is soap.
Allison is twitchy
Cosima: “You just broke the first rule of clone club”
In all fairness those rules were not explained at any point
At least at Fight Club they made sure to cover them up-front
Clone Club needs a better name
The theme music has a sort of beach boys vibe to it
It feels like way too much happened before the opening credits.
By the end of the season, the opening title will take place thirty seconds before the closing credits
Sarah is angry, Alison is twitchy, Katja is wheezy, Elizabeth is Doc. We’ve almost got enough to make up Snow White’s new gang.
Cosima is Doc, because she’s a scientist.
Elizabeth is Sleepy
Elizabeth is Doc because she has a pharmacy in her bathroom
Elizabeth can be Shooty
Alison is competing for that.
Why is Art so obsessed with Elizabeth becoming a cop again?
He was in on the bad-shooting so he cares a lot that she gets away with it
I reckon he lost the money
Down a storm-drain
His fingers wouldn’t fit through the grate
He tripped on the way home
Fed it to a dog
I hope she gets a storyline
Or a spinoff
Where she goes around offering help to people and then snorting derisively and trouncing off.
Haha this is exactly what I want to see
Beth having no idea how to speak cop radio
She’s just finding her cop-legs.
She’s also finding her clone legs
ATTACHED TO THE CLONE CORPSE
the clone bones!
Oh my god
She dug a BIG hole
So big they turned it into a quarry
Haha Art is making puns
(The third best kind of puns)
While Alison is my favourite, I do have certain kinds of feelings for Cosima.
I like Sarah the best
You’ve just gotten to know her better. Give it time.
Cosima: “Do you have a criminal record?”
Sarah: “Just petty fraud. Assault. Kid stuff!”
She immediately justified my love for her.
So did she do it as a kid, or to kids?
I mean ideally: both
He suspects she doesn’t want to have a loaded gun
Not that she’s secretly a British clone who saw the real Beth kill herself
Though that would be some good detecting
Art’s seeming awful patriarchal over this money.
At what point do you call the police? (Other police)
(Not just herself)
Two clones looking at themselves in the mirror = FOUR CLONES
It’s a clone hunt. They’re being hunted. Sounds like a fun game
Hey cool Cosima is an evolutionary biologist
(That’s my favourite kind of biologist)
They way she told that story reaaalllly feels like they were all super casual about learning they were clones
Like the fact that they’re being hunted: obviously a big deal, but you’d think they’d be busy freaking out about the fact that they are CLONES
Well everyone’s been through that realisation already except for Sarah
They seem to be accepting it pretty casually
I dunno it seems like a huge deal to me
The scientist probably calmed them down.
Get like 3 of them together and go to the paper
Or live TV
Suddenly the world is watching and you’re going to be way safer
You don’t know what they’re up against.
Do clones have the same fingerprints??
We covered this!
“Close enough to flag the system”
But if you’re asking in real life, no. Fingerprints are unrelated to genes – they’re part of the development in the womb
She’s totally flirting with the tech guy
Who wouldn’t. I’ve never seen a tech guy that handsome.
I wonder if they’re trying to make a point by having Beth’s last name as “Childs”. AND Sarah described her felony as kid stuff. It’s a theme.
I like how they didn’t have her work out the password from contextual clues
What on earth was her relationship with Vic?
She doesn’t seem at all bothered by the breakup
Like she cares more about how Paul feels than Vic
(Although she probably had better sex with him)
Just an ex.
They were broken up long before because he was abusive
I think she’d have better sex with the other lady detective.
OR with the mean lady cop who offered help then ran off.
‘You want an orgasm?’
Story of my life.
This lady-cop is like a younger version of Mrs S.
The barbie thing is weird.
Art is laying it on thick with the puns.
THERE’S GOING TO BE A BARBIE FOR EVERY CLONE
I mean you’ve already seen it
So taking a bet is probably a bad idea
Does this mean there are as many clones as there are barbies in the world
That sounds about right
Hahaha is Felix gonna be the babysitter?
Alison will just let anyone do it, apparently
Does she know she locks his door with a screwdriver?
Isn’t the husband white?
Haha Alcoholic Babysitter
The sequel to Bathroom Cop
Getting the tech guy to do all your police work is a great short-term solution
And getting the soccer mum to teach you shooting is an amazing any-term solution
Alison is a woman of many skills
What if the clones fell in love
I would definitely watch that movie.
It would certainly give us some insight as to whether being homosexual is genetic
One of them is/will be gay. Try to guess which one!
All of them together
In the X-rated DVD special
I bet it exists.
“So what else should I know about clone club?”
“Don’t use the c-word!”
Alison doesn’t like the word ‘club’
Peter:; “Can you con her bank, or not?”
I mean there’s no need for Sarah to do it
They all have equal skills in that regard
“Look Mum, we’re cross-dressers!”
I’m not crazy, am I? These kids are black.
Her and her husband are white.
I don’t notice.
Am I crazy?
Sarah does not look entirely willing for this sex scene
How could she be. He is awful.
Paul. you are gross. Stop it. Leave her alone.
Paul: “Sorry! Gotta go!”
Sarah: *looks confused and a bit pleased?*
Their relationship is very confusing to me.
Felix: “I bet he’s wanking already.”
Sarah: “He better be!”
That did not clarify the nature of their relationship at all.
Sarah liking Paul is severely dimishing my respect for her.
Art: “…and they half-assed buried the body.”
Sarah: ‘I worked very hard on that burying.’
It’s only her first time, she’ll get better.
SHE is the one wiping out the clones
What was it Art liked being called?
Who doesn’t like that though
She has not been doing that
Also she’s said like “Damn right” once
After all that practicing
Maybe she couldn’t quite nail it
Oh shit she’s in a situation where she really needs to know all the non-verbal hand gestures
She does not.
ART BIN SHOT
Loot the body!
Maintain your average!
Does it count that she looted a bible just prior?
Oh man wouldn’t it suck if Sarah shot another civilian
THE ESKIMO GOT HER
Prediction: it’s another clone
That’s why they aren’t showing us the face
ANOTHER CLONE DOWN
Copy cop!!! This new clone is the cleverest punner
Oh my god so much is happening
Russian clone: “Not yet.”
Didn’t she say “Not yet, not Beth”
Oh like “Not yet, not-Beth”
right. She’s the cleverest
Art returning the money
Now that they’ve bonded
Art: “I’m sorry I held it over you. I guess I owe you one.”
Sarah: “Now we’re square.”
He was still a dick for an unnecessarily long time.
Not even close. She should have punched him in his stupid patronising face.
Okay so one clone is killing the rest, in what seems to be a specific order
Remember the Jet Li film “The One”?
I assume they are not doing that plot.
Because that was Jet Li playing a bunch of roles too right?
In fact I think every character in The One was played by him.
Maybe Russian-clone is the one that they kept and trained to do their bidding
Rather than sending out to be a cop/pickpocket/scientist/soccer mom
I don’t know why they’re anti the term clone
It’s considered a racial slur by the genetically undiverse
Close-up of pipe being removed
Followed by Russian lady orgasm face
Or look of pain
Could be both
Oh man I really am bad at sex
Russian clone has whip-marks all over her back
And all that bible stuff she’s got going on.
Flag ya later!
In that episode:
-No one actually died
-We only met ONE clone
-No soap-drinking action
After a strong start, this show is going seriously downhill
It’s bullshit, that’s what it is
You’re so fickle! A second ago you loved it.
You must be a demanding lover.
Demanding slash awful
Okay, onto episode 4!
Predictions for this episode: More clones!
A jazz clone, an actor clone, and a dragon clone.
Oh and I didn’t guess earlier
But Cosima is definitely the lesbian
Either that, or the Russian clone (based on the way she was caressing Sarah with that knife)
Hence my special feelings.
My preferred lesclone would be the Soccer Mum, just for the interesting conflict it would cause in her otherwise-conservative life
I like the Russian’s can-do attitude to home medicine.
The Russian clone is repeating “I’m not Beth”, just like Sarah did while learning to be Beth.
In that case we know it’s a phrase she will never use again.
The fact that these are all one actor is just ridiculous.
Russian Clone has a kid too!
Oh man that is fucking creepy
“Ssshhh,” leads him into the bathroom with a demented look in her eyes
Eats the kid
Are all kids that dumb? I’d have split
Kids are dumb!
Although surprisingly into cross-dressing
God Alison is fucking twitchy
I love it
She is my least favourite
She’ll grow on you.
3) Russian lady
5) Dead German clone
I’m predicting the Russian will become a favourite for you.
Felix: “Impersonating a dead officer, that’s like…a whole new crime.”
Oh right Felix is really anti-cop. I didn’t even think of that.
(It makes total sense because of their hobbies)
(Their illegal and profitable hobbies)
Scientist-clone is talking about nature and nurture again, just in case we forgot she was a scientist.
“Evolution always wins.”
Oh right the kids are adopted
Alison: “You have your usual Thursday night drinks with clients, right?”
It’s like she WANTS him to have an affair.
Look at him though, I wouldn’t be worried.
Art: “Follow the bloody brick road.”
Art that makes no sense.
Stop not making sense.
He’s the worst.
Oh what the kid from earlier was a stranger?
Okay then that’s a dumb fucking kid
Art: “Trevor, can you tell me what the angry angel looked like?”
Kid: *points to Beth*
I mean they had different-coloured and different-lengthed hair
What kid is that smart but that dumb at talking to strangers?
He hasn’t shown that he’s smart
He was smart enough to recognise a face despite all the surrounding features being different
i.e. smarter than Maslany’s mum
I like that Beth was at a level of policehood where she just tells other people what to do
“Can you bag this?”
“Send out an ATB”
‘Do all the cop work’
Kira is a terrible painter
No wonder Sarah left her for 10 months
“No match on Jane Doe’s prints?”
Sarah: “N-n-n…no. Nope. No sirree.”
Come on! That was another perfect “Damn right” moment.
They’re setting ’em up for you now
She can’t say that. Clonerules
Russian clone: “You’re doing policework, but how long can that last?”
I do like the Russian clone.
Oh no! Homeless clone!
(Whenever we meet any character without immediately seeing their face, I’m gonna accuse it’s a clone.)
Art cannot let ANYONE make a decision
Helena (Russian-clone) is also making the point that Alison missed.
Anyone can pretend to be Beth.
Man Sarah is slipping into being Beth so nicely
Oh my god
So many drawings of clones
I near-constantly forget that it’s just the one actor
She’s ridiculously good
LIke they do good work with the makeup and clothes and hair, but there’s still never any question of which one she’s playing
Helena slips into Beth almost as well…
Helena is going to eat Paul
I really really hope so
(In my mind Helena is definitely a cannibal)
(Who is motivated by wanting to eat every one of her clones)
Even though you haven’t seen her eat anything but a muffin.
A screaming, helpless muffin
You’re gonna love this.
I can only hope it’s some threeway clone action
So helpful to the plot
Raj is my new favourite clone
Alison why you gotta be such a bitch
Just pretend to be Sarah for like 2 minutes
Oh! Alison is the actor-clone!
I’m one for three so far
This is gonna be so good.
Felix: “We need to pull a full reverse-Pygmalion here.”
It is like Allison even has a different face shape to Sarah.
So much of this commentary is just us salivating over Maslany’s acting
Which is totally deserved
Lady-cop: “My psych guy says since it’s woman-on-woman it has to be personal.”
This is why we need feminism, guys.
So that woman can kill other women professionally.
Or without emotion.
Paul is such a good guy
He should get with Raj
Fuck I hate him
All this shit. Swinging his dick around the place.
He took the rest of the day off!
She’s a detective! He’s not her dad!
Between him and Art how does she take a breath.
She did call and ask him to…
Helena was very explicit
‘Come around and swing your dick around’
Man I hope these crazy kids end up together
Why!! Why would you hope that!!
Support my hatred for him by treating it as your own.
Alison, to Cosima: “Helena was here. She was Beth.”
ALL THE SAME ACTOR
The behind the scenes photos and youtubes make it all seem even more impressive.
I feel like the writers of this show don’t actually know what a scientist is
I don’t mind because at the very least they know they wear low cut tops and bend down and jiggle a lot.
Why is Cosima talking about symbols and what they represent?
The fish knife tha Helena left behind.
I know but…that is not science.
I don’t know what it is, but it’s not science.
She has a scientific mind!
Remember? She used the words nature and nurture?
Nature and nurture
Sarah is fucking good at keeping her lies straight.
“If she’d said anything, I would have known she was a woman.”
And thinking of clever things a policewoman might know
You are amazing
Put some headphones in Sarah
This is like that Breaking Bad plotline but in episode 4
Instead of season 3
Alison as Sarah!!
God the writers had fun with the premise
She was just in Steel Magnolias…
If Tatiana Maslany doesn’t win an Emmy next year
Plus several retrospective Emmys
I don’t know who beat her
Probably someone dumb.
I don’t think she was even nominated
That’s why it was so appalling
Art is piecing it together!
Well I’m not sure what he’s piecing together
But it’s something!
Oh man Helena is camping out at elderly-Asian’s old place!
Angie is hella thirsty
Alison really does have a different face-shape, doesn’t she?
Finally a smart kid
😮 😮 😮
Kira: “You’re not my mother”
I would like it on the record that Peter let out an audible gasp there
‘You don’t look ANYTHING like my painting’
‘Your mouth isn’t all drippy or anything’
Awww Sarah trusts Art
Even after the $75k incident
Good thing Sarah didn’t just shoot that random Asian woman
It would be hard to explain away a second one
She’s no Beth
Okay seriously in Sarah’s shoes it would be tempting to just shoot Helena
Go and bury her in another quarry
But the answers! She needs them!
I like that we’re at a stage where it feels like basically no one knows any more than Sarah
Like Helena obviously knows something
But it doesn’t feel like Cosima and Alison are holding huge amounts of info back
My long-term guess is that Sarah is the original and the others are all clones
How are they the same age then
What do you mean? You clone from DNA
Oh so maybe when Sarah was born that’s when they started the other clones
Well I mean you can’t clone mammals at all at the moment but that’s an unrelated issue
Clearly in this world you CAN clone.
So all the rules are out the window
All we have are clone-rules
The most important part of Clone Club
Fuck Maslany is good
Yes I am going to keep mentioning it every time it strikes me
As well you should
She’s just that amazing
Mrs S: “As long as we take it slowly.”
Georgia: “TAKE ME SLOWLY”
“OR ANY WAY”
I wish Mrs S would tell me to piss off
Sarahbeth just quit
Best decision she’s made in 4 episodes.
Are we forgetting the soap-drinking?
Art: “After all we’ve done for you.”
I will freely admit that’s a dick thing to say.
Helena is almost as bad at walking as Vic was
Okay that is clearly a guy
And so even though we didn’t see a face, I’m guessing not a clone
How do you know there are no boy clones?
I don’t…I’m not sure that’s how clones work.
All the rules are out the window, Peter!
All we have are clone-rules!
I’m going to be honest…I’m seeing very little evidence that YOU are not a clone.
So far nothing in the show has suggested you’re not.
Well I guess there’s your hatred of Paul
So far all the clones seem to be into him
I guess you’re okay.
That would suggest you’re a clone though
What a way to find out