American Horror Story, Season 1: Episodes 7-9

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In April of 2014 Xander was unemployed, jobless, and generally without a profession. At the recommendation of Netflix he marathoned the first season of American Horror Story over a weekend, posting his thoughts as he had them onto a single Facebook status. The following transcript is from this event, and contains many, many spoilers.
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AHS 1-3
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[[Episode Seven]]
Xander:
oh hey, they had a son in the attic it seems
Xander:
called “Bo”
Peter:
Oh yeah it hasn’t come up yet
Peter:
But their last name is “Peep”
Xander:
I can’t tell the timeline for this
Xander:
hang on, is that Burny?
Xander:
Looks like Burny, pre-fire
Xander:
It’s Constance, post husband and Moira murder
Xander:
1994, so around the time of Tate
Xander:
just after by the sound of things
Peter:
I love the idea of measuring time by murders.
Peter:
I guess on this show it quickly becomes a necessity.
Xander:
One child with downs, one child with whatever Bo has
Xander:
poor woman
Xander:
I mean, she then locked him in the attic
Xander:
and has “maybe pre-burn burny” smother him to death with a pillow
Xander:
christ
Xander:
Would that kill someone as easily as it does on the TV’s?
Xander:
The pillow smothering
Xander:
I always feel like you could just… breathe through the pillow
Peter:
The idea is that you apply a bunch of pressure
Peter:
It’s different to just resting a pillow on someone’s face
Xander:
Is Bo Gimpy?
Xander:
I don’t know.
Xander:
I’ll probably find out at some point.
Xander:
They don’t introduce characters all that often
Xander:
there’s only 12 episodes in season 1, and most of the character were introduced in the first few
Xander:
“You’re having twins” That explains the rapid growth of the baby
Xander:
Gimpy might not be the father
Xander:
Potential house buyer sees sexy young Moira
Xander:
he cheated
Xander:
unless it’s just men?
Xander:
So many of these characters are women, I just noticed
Xander:
Moira is trying to convince this guy to buy the house so he’ll make a pool
Xander:
so he can dig up her body and free her from this hell
Xander:
Oh hey, Burny
Xander:
I thought you’d died, honestly
Xander:
“The open house is by appointment only”
Xander:
Burny: “Is it my face??”
Xander:
No, it’s literally just the appointment thing
Xander:
this guy is good at the extortion game
Xander:
Didn’t you already own this house?
Xander:
Why are you surprised by the fireplace?
Xander:
Or did you just want to burn things?
Xander:
“You know what would look great in here? A mural.” ha! It’s almost as if he knows about the horrific hell mural beneath the wallpaper
Xander:
oh yeah, Kindly Police Officer and Vivian are getting it ON
Xander:
or… possibly Vivian and Ben?
Xander:
Or possibly Vivian and Gimpy?
Xander:
nope! It was Vivian and herself.
Xander:
Tate is getting Violet to stop cutting
Xander:
that’s good
Xander:
considering in the first episode he was explaining how to kill yourself
Xander:
“Do you believe in ghosts?”
Xander:
BAIL ON THIS
Xander:
BAIL ON THIS CONVERSATION
Xander:
TATE
Xander:
VIOLET
Xander:
BAIL
Xander:
NOT GOOD CONVERSATION
Xander:
“This guy considering buying the house has a burned face” Ben is now in panic mode
Xander:
Handsome potential buyer is back
Xander:
Young Moira: Still being seductive!
Xander:
First usage of the phrase “Sex Swing” in this show!
Xander:
Somehow not the first use of “Big, thick cock”
Xander:
Aaand, it swapped to old Moira just in time to be offputting
Xander:
“I’m gonna bring in bulldozer’s, turn it into units” NO. WE NEED THE POOL. SO THAT MOIRA CAN BE FREE.
Xander:
Larry!
Xander:
Burny is Larry
Xander:
I forgot
Xander:
That’s strangely similar
Xander:
Oh right, the $1k he was blackmailing
Xander:
forgot about that
Xander:
turns out he didn’t kill his family
Xander:
he’s just a nutjob
Xander:
Larry is creepy
Xander:
so he wants to be happy with “her”
Xander:
I’m not sure who her is at this point
Xander:
I think it’s Constance
Xander:
yup, it was Constance
Xander:
“I supposed if I were a man I’d love her too”
Xander:
“It was her house before” then she shot two people
Xander:
and hid at least one body
Xander:
What the fuck happened to the other guy?
Xander:
holy shit
Xander:
Larry (Burny)’s backstory is that his wife burned herself and his two daughters to death after she found out he was leaving her
Xander:
But yeah, what happened to the husband she murdered?
Xander:
He’s nowhere to be seen
Peter:
Typical man
Xander:
Ben, is this the first time we’ve seen you smoke?
Xander:
okay, full history of the house it seems
Xander:
“Thaddeus” was the name of First Lady and Dr Husband’s son
Xander:
My theory, as it stands, is that Thaddeus is Gimpy
Xander:
oh shit, the baby is alive
Xander:
How did he do that?
Peter:
Magic! He’s a surprise magician
Xander:
It wasn’t freshly dead when the cops found it
Xander:
Unless he’s about to kill her
Xander:
because she has been seen with a fucked up back of the head in the past
Xander:
as a ghost
Xander:
First Lady is so sweet looking
Xander:
oh damn, there was no baby in that crib
Xander:
then she turned around to hear snake noises
Xander:
oh dang
Xander:
he killed a woman to bring the baby back
Xander:
and now it’s evil
Xander:
oop, first lady has just killed her husband
Xander:
and herself
Xander:
gun in the mouth
Xander:
Present day again
Xander:
“Let’s not put that in the listing” the real estate agent is fun
Xander:
If this were Breaking Bad she’d be Saul Goodman
Peter:
She’s actually getting her own spinoff
Peter:
“Better Call Whatever the Real Estate Agent’s Name Is”
Peter:
(They got really lazy with naming TV shows)
Xander:
Why is Constance in the basement?
Xander:
For Tate?
Xander:
Bo?
Xander:
ah, Larry
Xander:
why is everyone in this show so mean
Xander:
i just want them to be happy
Xander:
“He’s tearing down the house. Then what’ll happen to all the wanderers who reside in here?”
Xander:
Okay, that’s actually a really good question but if they’re trapped to where their body is until Halloween they’re not really “wanderers”
Xander:
Tate just totally rescued Violet from Bo
Xander:
Tate is a badass
Xander:
“All you have to do is tell them to go away and they will” Were it so easy
Xander:
oh hey, relics from all the past stuff in the house
Xander:
Gay porn from the gay couple
Xander:
embalmed shit from the first two
Xander:
picture of a baby?
Xander:
Thaddeus maybe?
Xander:
Old enough
Xander:
yeah, Thaddeus
Xander:
oh hey! Nurse
Xander:
Okay, apparently it really is just as easy as saying “go away” to the people
Xander:
Constance is way too fucking good at getting into places without breaking in
Xander:
Constance, you have problems
Xander:
the main problem being that you’re crazy
Xander:
Like, I get that you’re trying to save the house
Xander:
for the ghosts (maybe?)
Xander:
but this guy is a developer, you’re not going to guilt him into not developing
Xander:
he’s also a sexist apparently
Xander:
Tate and Ben!
Xander:
Yay!
Xander:
Catty conversation between Constance and old Moira
Xander:
Constance: “You missed a spot.”
Xander:
Moira: “So did you. Crying? Good.”
Xander:
I can’t tell if Tate knows that Constance is his mum
Xander:
Like, where does he think he’s living?
Xander:
He clearly doesn’t know he’s a ghost
Xander:
okay, he’s knows she’s his mum
Xander:
This Bo character is very new
Xander:
“Mumma’s gotta say goodbye” we didn’t know he existed until not that long ago
Xander:
“Greasy Persian” guys, he’s firmly established he’s Armenian. This is not a tricky thing.
Xander:
God fucking dammit, just let Moira go
Xander:
She can interact with a lot of things, why not grab a shovel and dig up the bones?
Xander:
There’s presumably some rules in play
Xander:
Greasy Armenian is back at the house
Xander:
gonna do some sex with Moira
Xander:
or possibly get murdered by Gimpy
Xander:
probably that one
Xander:
looks like both
Xander:
oop, she bit off his cock
Xander:
and now he’s being killed via a plastic bag
Xander:
was the biting off of his cock really necessary?
Xander:
You could have gone straight to the murder
Xander:
“Take him off the property before he expires. Don’t want to encounter HIM again”
Xander:
Looks like Violet is totally falling in love with Tate
Xander:
brilliant
Xander:
OH FUCK
Xander:
Vivian has just realised that the First Lady in the house is totally the woman who came to check it out and freaked when things were different!
Xander:
I hope they hang out
Xander:
[[Episode Eight]]
Xander:
This is called “Rubber Man”
Xander:
and opens with a dramatic shot of Gimpy wandering the halls
Xander:
we gon’ get some info?
Xander:
Poor First Lady
Xander:
She’s just not coping with the changes in the house
Xander:
Someone is comforting her
Xander:
It’s her son
Xander:
maybe?
Xander:
nope
Xander:
it wasn’t
Xander:
oh dang
Xander:
whoever it was then put on the Gimp suit
Xander:
to give her “Her baby”
Xander:
Can Thaddeus be a girls name?
Xander:
That a thing?
Xander:
Seems unlikely
Xander:
come on, come on
Xander:
who is Gimpy
Xander:
Tate!
Xander:
It was Tate.
Xander:
That was my prediction a few episodes ago
Xander:
because he wore it once
Xander:
Has he been Gimpy ever since?
Xander:
I don’t think Gimpy and Tate have been in the same room together
Xander:
without being the same person that is
Xander:
Marcy is a real estate agent
Xander:
Marcy is a real condescending bitch
Xander:
Moira: “We’re all just lost souls”
Xander:
You say All.
Xander:
It’s not correct
Xander:
ooo, gay couple flashback!
Xander:
Love this!
Xander:
“Chad”
Xander:
Chad’s boyfriend was involved in an online S&M forum
Xander:
how about that
Xander:
Who is this woman advising Chad fights for his boyfriend?
Xander:
This song just started with “I like sex.”
Xander:
Really all it needed to say
Xander:
“I don’t like pain”
Xander:
S&M could be a poor move
Xander:
“Maybe he wants to be in control”
Xander:
“I never thought of that” This guy is a bit selfish
Xander:
Gimp suit!
Xander:
Yay!
Xander:
“Point of the suit is to dehumanise the sub”
Xander:
I did not know that!
Xander:
I’m learning stuff all the time on this show.
Xander:
The salesman is a convincing fellow
Xander:
Pat is laughing at the suit
Xander:
which is fair enough, honestly
Xander:
it’s kind of silly
Xander:
I think it’s Chad in the suit
Xander:
can’t tell
Xander:
Pat doesn’t like it one bit
Xander:
“Depressing sex is even more depressing when you try so hard”
Xander:
“Jerking off with someone online isn’t cheating” Up for debate!
Xander:
“Jungle Jim” is a good online handle
Xander:
Pat is being all like “Dude we are super broke”, apparently they just don’t communicate at all
Xander:
“I like leather, not latex” Chad, did you even try in your snooping?
Xander:
Present day again!
Xander:
Aw, crying first lady ghost
Xander:
being comforted by XX! ha!
Xander:
XX is coming to terms with her death much better than First Lady
Xander:
which is impressive, considering she’s so much longer dead
Xander:
Moira does NOT like XX
Xander:
Moira does like Vivian, which is cool
Xander:
I guess
Xander:
XX is a bitch
Xander:
breaking shit left and right
Xander:
just to be unpleasant
Xander:
“There’s a power in the house” That seems obvious by this point
Xander:
considering that there are numerous ghosts around
Xander:
Oh crikey, someone (XX?) just stabbed a guy to death
Xander:
for cheating maybe?
Xander:
Their actions don’t stick? So they can’t kill people?
Xander:
That’s interesting
Xander:
Doesn’t really explain cockless from the last episode
Xander:
I forgot that XX was going to Uni for something criminal related
Xander:
(From memory)
Xander:
Oh hey, First Lady is panicking about her lost baby
Xander:
who is not Gimpy!
Xander:
Firmly established!
Xander:
I liked that theory though
Xander:
XX, your plan of kidnapping one of Vivian’s babies for you and giving another to First Lady is sweet, if morally questionable
Xander:
Gonna send Vivian to the looney bin
Xander:
I’m impressed she’s made it this far with her sanity
Xander:
oh dear, Bo’s ball
Xander:
Oh hey, they’re dicking around with lights
Xander:
I forgot that was a trope
Xander:
XX is just screwing with Vivian
Xander:
it’s kind of hilarious
Xander:
trapped her in the bathroom
Xander:
With the Gimp mask! ‘eeyy!
Xander:
Flashback to Tate putting it on
Xander:
oh Tate
Xander:
I was just thinking “Has Tate actually done anything evil as Gimpy?”
Xander:
Then there was a flashback to him murdering the gay couple
Xander:
yeah, that’s pretty evil
Xander:
How the hell did they frame this as a murder suicide?
Xander:
That just looks like two murders
Xander:
Tate and First Lady are totally bro’s
Xander:
Tate killed them because their plans to adopt the baby fell apart, and now someone new can move in
Xander:
I guess it worked
Xander:
Violet is in the basement, trying to hang out with Bo
Xander:
Violet is pretty chill
Xander:
about the dead people
Xander:
Violet: “I’m being bullied in school”
Xander:
Ben: “What does that MEAN??”
Xander:
Ben, your daughter has been through some shit
Xander:
You can probably trust her on this
Xander:
First day of school someone tried to make her eat a cigarette
Xander:
that person was, and is, addicted to cocaine
Xander:
Violet just schooled her dad
Xander:
on why he fucked up
Xander:
“You tried to sleep with an old lady!”
Xander:
The old lady was young to him, but that doesn’t make it less reprehensible
Xander:
“I looked up the drug online and found these side effects” talking to the doctor probably would have been a better idea
Xander:
internet: Not so reliable!
Xander:
Except for these comments
Xander:
These comments are the definitive commentary on American Horror Story
Xander:
She thought there were women trapped in the wallpaper
Xander:
neat
Xander:
“They make up diseases. Like Hysteria” Moira you are not a doctor
Xander:
“Comes from the word uterus” Yeah, I’d buy that
Xander:
“Doctor’s would masturbate women in their offices and call it medicine” Morally wrong!
Xander:
“That was a hundred years ago but women are no better off today” Provably untrue!
Xander:
Not equal today, but a damn sight closer
Xander:
Moira: “This house is possessed”
Xander:
Moira what are you TALKING about???
Xander:
“You need to get out while you still can” Probably for the best!
Xander:
Violet: Not happy about leaving!
Xander:
She liked the ghosts
Xander:
and Tate
Xander:
Tate: Also unhappy!
Xander:
“and Tate” Tate is totally a ghost
Xander:
oh hey, the ghosts who invaded the house are in the car
Xander:
Why are all the ghosts that aren’t Moira trying to trap these people in the house?
Xander:
I can really see where Ben is coming from in regards to “The Ghosts aren’t real”
Xander:
Which makes it worse that he’s wrong
Xander:
DEAD wrong
Xander:
“Violet was there too” Kind of forgot that, I hope he believes her
Xander:
I’d feel so much better for Tate and Violet if he weren’t the ghost of a dead murderer
Xander:
That’s not a qualifier I get to use often either
Xander:
“You’re seeing things”
Xander:
“The same way that you saw your mistress?”
Xander:
Cheating: Morally reprehensible, but not really relevant to your hallucinations!
Xander:
I mean, they’re not hallucinations
Xander:
as has been established
Xander:
“I threw this out months ago”
Xander:
Oh dear, looks like he’s gonna find out about the real father!
Xander:
Violet: Totally lying! I can kind of agree with her, but this is the worst time for it sadly
Xander:
Vivian looks betrayed
Xander:
poor Vivian
Xander:
XX is really enjoying being a ghost
Xander:
she’s just sort of super productive now
Xander:
Trying to get people to murder Vivian
Xander:
and just generally fucking with Vivian
Xander:
Oh XX
Xander:
Don’t seduce XX!
Xander:
No!
Xander:
(XX was trying to seduce Tate)
Xander:
(It was BAD)
Xander:
Real Estate Agent is totally Vivian’s bitch
Xander:
Marcy
Xander:
right
Xander:
They accepted the offer but no cheque arrived
Xander:
That is because he is dead
Xander:
Marcy looks horrified at her pregnancy pains
Xander:
“Don’t have the baby now, that’s the last thing you want to do”
Xander:
Yes, steal her gun
Xander:
Good plan
Xander:
(It is not)
Xander:
Getting an actual gun is probably not all that hard in America
Xander:
compared to the illegalness of gun theft
Xander:
Now’s she’s checking under her bed for people
Xander:
poor Vivian
Xander:
She’s just so paranoid now
Xander:
So far Vivian has killed NO-ONE
Xander:
Hid NO bodies
Xander:
intentionally cheated at NO POINT
Xander:
Is convinced she’s going crazy
Xander:
(she isn’t)
Xander:
(The house is just evil)
Xander:
(and full of unpleasant ghosts)
Xander:
Gimpy just grabbed Vivian and vanished
Xander:
so she pressed the panic button
Xander:
oh christ
Xander:
and then shot Ben
Xander:
right in the gut
Xander:
damn
Xander:
The paramedics arrived before Kindly Security Officer
Xander:
Kindly Security Officer should get his own show
Xander:
“Kindly Security Officer lives a long and happy life with no ghosts”
Xander:
That would be totally rad
Xander:
XX is as always messing with Vivian
Xander:
she broke the panic button!
Xander:
Oh dear!
Xander:
Now how will we get Kindly Security Officer to come back??
Xander:
Oh right
Xander:
the backup in the kitchen
Xander:
While alive Hayden didn’t do much evil, just thinking about it
Xander:
oh hey, Tate is trying to rape Vivian
Xander:
that’s not cool
Xander:
jesus christ
Xander:
Tate, stop it
Xander:
oh wait, it was a hallucination
Xander:
it was Ben trying to calm her the fuck down
Xander:
These people are totally understandable in their belief that Vivian is crazy
Xander:
which makes it so much worse that she probably isn’t
Xander:
Aaaand now she’s going to an institution
Xander:
just great
Xander:
“You shot me. It’s gotten dangerous” True.
Xander:
True indeed.
Xander:
Vivian is being kind of chill
Xander:
she about to pull a gun?
Xander:
Pop some fools?
Xander:
“At least I’ll be out of this house” Progress!
Xander:
(not real progress)
Xander:
Slow motion stair sequence!
Xander:
Her pajamas are really good at maximising cleavage
Xander:
“You did the best thing you could do. You told the truth” Ben, she totally lied! Oh no Ben!
Xander:
Tate is sneaky
Xander:
hiding from Ben all the time
Xander:
Back to gay couple flashback
Xander:
Oh wow, Chad is actually still alive!
Xander:
Who suicides by shooting themselves in the chest?
Xander:
Never heard of that one
Xander:
“It’s kind of romantic. Now they’ll be together forever” jesus man
Xander:
(Chad was only alive for a few minutes more)
Xander:
[[Episode 9]]
Xander:
EP8 is over, begin Ep 9~
Xander:
!
Xander:
!, not ~
Xander:
~ is not used to emphasis
Xander:
in fact, it’s not used for much
Xander:
opening up the console in video games and “approximately”/”Not true” in all my maths assignments
Xander:
1950’s flashback!
Xander:
I think that’s constance
Xander:
Long black hair?
Xander:
This is new
Xander:
We’ve seen that lady, but I have no idea who it is
Xander:
1947
Xander:
This person is a dentist
Xander:
huh
Xander:
Failing actress in LA
Xander:
“I’m gonna make it big”
Xander:
“Don’t you think we could come to some kind of arrangement”
Xander:
Hollywood trope time, yo
Xander:
She gonna die in surgery?
Xander:
Dental surgery specifically
Xander:
Someone has found her mutilated corpse
Xander:
dang
Xander:
mouth all messed up
Xander:
legs separated from the torso
Xander:
dang
Xander:
that’s messed up
Xander:
It’d be interesting to have an episode all in the past
Xander:
It feels as though the two sets of people tormented most in this house are the current ones and the earliest ones
Xander:
Young Moira in modern day!
Xander:
Trying to seduce Ben
Xander:
as always
Xander:
He’s continually refusing you, just let it go Moira
Xander:
Moira is tearing up at him wanting a normal life
Xander:
She gonna stop the seduction?
Xander:
Moira is all over the battle of the sexes
Xander:
Constance is drunk
Xander:
Constance is unpleasant as a human being
Xander:
But apparently has a thing for actors
Xander:
Larry, this guy
Xander:
“Diddling” oh Constance
Xander:
What’s next, Neighbourino?
Xander:
XX, you trying to seduce Constance’s boyfriend?
Xander:
He’s totally up for it
Xander:
yup
Xander:
they’re now banging
Xander:
Why does XX have a bruised arm?
Xander:
She got hit in the back of the head with a shovel
Xander:
I don’t remember anything with her arm
Xander:
XX: “Dr Harmon and I are in love”
Xander:
CBF: “Then why did we have sex?”
Xander:
XX: “To see if I can still do it with someone still alive” SCIENCE
Xander:
Oh hey, just as they were about to dig up XX’s corpse her ghost covers for Ben
Xander:
Ben still thinks she’s alive
Xander:
“I’ve always been there for you” When XX? When have you been there for him?
Xander:
I really don’t remember this at all
Xander:
oh hey, it’s ghost of actor from earlier
Xander:
She looks so 40’s
Xander:
(for good reason)
Xander:
Elizabeth Short is her name
Xander:
oh hey, she’s going to try to seduce Ben
Xander:
Ben is GOOD at getting ghosts hot for him
Xander:
1947 Ghost is really good at coping with the fact that cellphones exist
Xander:
“You wife’s twins have different fathers” I’m certain that’s not possible.
Xander:
Absolutely certain.
Xander:
I’m not a doctor though, so what do I know
Xander:
Although Ghosts being fertile is useful to know
Xander:
for genuine scientific reasons
Xander:
I forgot that Constance has a vested interest in keeping Ben alive so he can be Tate’s psychiatrist
Xander:
WELP
Xander:
Moira and 1947 Ghost TOTALLY MAKING OUT on the couch
Xander:
Ben fired Moira
Xander:
good
Xander:
I want her to be free, but now partially just so she’ll stop screwing with people
Xander:
oh hey, I tried to check IMDB of Elizabeth Short
Xander:
turns out she was a real person
Xander:
Who died 1947
Xander:
I really hope the stuff we’re seeing about her death isn’t true
Xander:
Who is this creepy doctor?
Xander:
I think we’ve met her
Xander:
Oh wow, this is creepy
Xander:
Elizabeth Short’s actor is the girl in the Teenage Dirtbag music video
Peter:
American Pie, yo?
Xander:
Now Ben is all mad that she had sex with another man
Xander:
dammit, why can’t these people just know the whole story?
Xander:
God damn.
Xander:
She does NOT understand what’s happened
Xander:
Flashback to the leadup of Ben’s affair: Not super interesting
Xander:
oh hey, XX (Before she was even X! Before she was ” “! Right now she’s “Pre”) has a crush on him
Xander:
I sure hope they don’t sleep together
Xander:
This might be the first time we’ve seen Ben show remorse for the affair for reasons other than the repercussions it had on him later
Xander:
“I came around here the other morning and Kindly Security Officer was leaving” She presses that button pretty much daily at this point, that’s not a surprise
Xander:
also considering they first met noticeably after she got pregnant he’s probably not the father of one of the twins
Xander:
Constance just proposed
Xander:
he was totally into it until she was then like “THEN YOU CAN BE A FATHER!”
Xander:
“I had that dream. If it didn’t happen for me it will not happen for you” That doesn’t seem fair
Xander:
Constance, what are you doing?
Xander:
I don’t get it
Xander:
She just went from proposing to him to “You are not a man” within 60 seconds
Xander:
oh hey, he went straight to sleeping with XX
Xander:
XX just stabbed a guy
Xander:
damn
Xander:
stabbed him again
Xander:
third time
Xander:
fourth
Xander:
fifth
Xander:
sixth
Xander:
seventh
Xander:
she stabbed him seven times
Xander:
seven times is how many times she stabbed him
Peter:
“One! Ah ha ha. Two! Ah ha ha.”
Peter:
“Seven! Ah ha ha. Seven stabs!”
Rory:
This is getting out of hand
Xander:
The first people to live here frankensteined their baby
Xander:
this got out of hand a LONG time ago
Xander:
There’s presumably something before then
Xander:
I hope we find out WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THIS HOUSE
Xander:
“Well shit, now what?” You’re a ghost, doesn’t matter
Xander:
Oh hey, he’s a ghost now
Xander:
forgot that happens
Xander:
A lot of people have died in this house
Xander:
That’s fairly established already
Xander:
oh hey, they mutilated Neighbour/XX’s lover in the same way at they did Elizabeth Short
Xander:
The whole Elizabeth Short thing is actually true
Xander:
shit
Xander:
Oh hey, Larry is skulking
Xander:
Good old Larry
Xander:
For a guy with horrible burns on 70% of his body he’s remarkably good at going un-noticed
Xander:
50% of Constance’s interactions with Vivian are a pure bitch fest
Xander:
the other half are lukewarm manipulation
Xander:
Also Ben is confronting Kindly Security Officer about his imagined affair
Xander:
Kindly Security Officer is still cool
Xander:
“I’m infertile, but if it was mine I’d totally be a great father”
Xander:
Ben: “You don’t know her”
Xander:
Kindly Security Officer: “You do?”
Xander:
Good point Kindly Security Officer
Xander:
Ben’s relationships with women: Totally fucked!
Xander:
“You called her a liar and a whore, and that was just in the last five minutes”
Xander:
Oh great
Xander:
Moira is being all seductive again
Xander:
Ben is NOT having it
Xander:
Moira is possibly about to be useful?
Xander:
Oh shit! He sees her as the old lady now
Xander:
I hope the seductive scenes will stop
Xander:
That would be creepy if they continued
Xander:
They’ve been creepy for quite a while
Xander:
“What happens when a spirit copulates with a living person” That’s what I want to know
Xander:
“You know about the box? The pope’s box?” THEY BRING IN THE POPE?
Xander:
That’s AWESOME
Xander:
“This box contains the ultimate secret. The end of the world” How do you know this?
Xander:
You’re not the Pope
Xander:
Unless…
Xander:
are you the Pope?
Xander:
That’d be an exciting twist.
Xander:
“The holy ghost merely whispered in the devils ear and she became pregnant with Jesus” That’s actually a really solid mythology