[[Episode Ten]]
1994
The year of the school shooting
Also: my first kiss!
The show doesn’t cover that in as much detail, unfortunately
Oh hey, Tate is also based on a real person
who shot up a school that year
I wonder how many of these people are real?
I’m being careful looking things up for fear of spoilers
I don’t want to give anything away
But Jessica Lange is real
They didn’t come up with her for the show
(I’ve said too much!)
Wait, this is after Larry’s family died but he’s not all burned
Because this is the kind of show where that’s how we judge timeline
Dang
Addy is possibly the only person in this family who didn’t deserve to die
and Bo
Well
“Addy” WAS short for Adolf
So…
Tate: “No matter how much you want I will never be your perfect son”
Then he shot up a school
Better than shooting up heroin
Depending on your parents’ murder vs drugs stance
Oh! Tate burned Larry
‘You suck, Larry!’
Tate is pouring petrol on Larry
And is now throwing a match
damn, Tate.
That’s cold
only the opposite
Larry did already kill someone, so I can see why Tate went after him
Why the other people though?
Why shoot up the school?
Xander
If you’re looking for coherent answers, this show is going to disappoint
Modern day!
Ben is apologizing to Vivian
She doesn’t want it, which is fair enough
“How did he get into our house?” That’s a good question.
How do ALL of these people keep getting into the fucking house?
aaaand rotting fruit.
Hell of a way to greet a police officer who wants to talk about Violet.
“She’s missed 16 consecutive days of school” damn
“Any more absences and we’ll see you in court” This is the first warning Ben has gotten
Way to be on the on ball there, schooling system
Also I’m not sure what they’d be suing for.
(Any time there’s a courtroom scene in America, I assume someone is suing someone.)
(This has been proven to be a pretty safe assumption)
I was impressed by how few major characters have died
then I realised that most are already dead
Constance, don’t touch Larry’s burnt face and then try to shake the germs off
Now she has a knife to his throat, because he “killed” Travis
He only mutilated and hid the body
it was XX who killed him
Really, Larry’s an innocent here
AHS really quickly skews your opinion of morality
And ‘alive’.
Tate, you don’t need to kidnap Violet
you guys are on good terms, you can just be like “Yo”
Tate, I appreciate that you got her to stop cutting, that was cool of you
but this truancy thing isn’t alright
“Those Koreans, they’re so suspicious ever since Hiroshima”
That is a good poin- OH WAIT THAT’S RACIST
Almost got me!
A knife fell out of Constance’s purse
If she hadn’t brought the knife to rough up Larry this wouldn’t have happened
Black Cop and Kindly Security Officer are two characters I want to see hang out
“Bo” was actually named “Bo-regard”
the hell kind of name is that?
The Muppet janitor is called Beauregard!
I will take any opportunity to bring up the Muppets, not matter how tenuous I need to make the link.
Wow, Constance has had a CREEPY past
She’s killed two people, she had her husband kill her son. Her other son then burnt said husband before he shot up a school and was shot to death by cops
Have you considered that stay-at-home mother isn’t the right career for you?
Apparently she was also charged with murder
oh jesus, she turned her husband into meat and fed him to dogs
So what you’re saying is that she’s a stay-at-home mother AND kind to animals?
Where’s the husband’s ghost?
Haven’t seen him around particularly
That…is an excellent question.
That the show does not ever attempt to answer in any way.
looks like this vermin guy is about to find a corpse of some kind
Who’s it gonna be?
So many options!
Tate is now killing him, using his own pesticide
jesus
That is surely not what the instruction manual says to do
In all fairness, it doesn’t say NOT to.
Sometimes these ghosts are reverse vampires
visible only in mirrors
I’d like Tate more if he weren’t a murdering rapist
“I won’t let him send you away” oh dear
Ben gon’ get killed
by Tate
I get that it’s a horror story
But it still annoys me that ghosts can kill people
It feels like it should be against the rules or something
Oh hey, ghost Travis and Larry are interacting
“Have I made the news?” I like ghost Travis
Tate is being creepy again.
As always.
Constance: “I have already answered all their questions, they cannot pin this on me.” That was yesterday.
Murder cases don’t end in a day.
Violet’s plan for escaping from Tate was the really the best you could hope for
Granted, it was basically just “run away and scream for Ben”
But honestly, I don’t know how I’d escape from Tate if I needed to.
‘Look! A school full of innocent people, just begging to be gunned down!’
oh right, the world is fucking up again
I forgot ghosts could mess the with reality
Infinite loops and such
Tate’s showing Violet the basement
What’s in the crawl space it seems
Where he killed the exterminator
Whose body is that?
It cut away too soon
wait, is that violet?
oh shit, what a fantastic twist
The pills
the whole suicide thing
fuuuuck
that was brilliant
It’s really well done! It’s foreshadowed super nicely
Unfortunately a bit too nicely; I watched it with friends, and we worked out the twist a few episodes before it was revealed.
We also worked out that Tate was the sled
This show man
this show
Larry confessed
he didn’t even DO THE MURDER
I mean, they were killed by a ghost
If anyone’s being arrested, chances are it’s going to be someone innocent
Well
As innocent as anyone in this show
Constance ain’t squealing
This explains why Violet hasn’t left the house for a while
So far Larry has killed one person and hidden one body (that we know of)
Prediction: That is less than 1% of his crimes
The rest will largely be tax evasion and drug dealing
Constance: “I have long stopped asking why the mad do mad things” It’s because they’re mad. It’s right in the name.
Constance is just a straight up bitch
[[Episode Eleven]]
1984, Constance
Young Tate! Neat
Young Tate is in the basement, flipping his shit
Oh hey, it’s the goblin!
Oh!
The goblin is Thaddeus!
I think I should have seen that coming
I spent so long hanging on to Thaddeus being Gimpy
Well…Thaddeus is a bit gimpy…
First Lady is so sweet
Where’s her husband though?
busy with presidential duties?
First Lady, quit the baby obsession
BAM
Problem solved.
Next up I’m going to tackle the cocaine addiction
Stop it!
Fuck I’m good.
Ben is trying to get Violet to leave
That is probably not possible
Violet has barely come to terms with her own death, how does she expect her family to?
Wait, is she writing a suicide note?
You’ve sort of missed the window on that one
‘Dear family’
‘By the time you find this, I will have been dead for several weeks.’
‘This will be very confusing to you, because we had breakfast together this morning.’
I wonder if the ghosts ever decide to write about their experiences?
Become “ghost writers”, as it were.
Oh cool, Chad and Pat are making a nursery for Vivian
that’s cute
Okay yeah, it wasn’t for Vivian
they, like everyone else, are going to steal the twins
“What you are planning to do is unnatural” Lady, don’t even get STARTED
Oh! Constance is homophobic
that’s not really a surprise, I guess
She’s changed since the eighties
When she was super tolerant of her best friend being a lesbian. #tootsie
“My children came out of my body and that is something that you will never understand” unless you have ever attended a sex ed class
Ha, the gay couple want both babies because one will be a brunette and one will be blonde
“We’re gonna wait till they get adorable and then smother them”
fuck it, I’m on board with this plan
no one else has any damn plans for their future, might as well roll with the one where babies stay adorable forever
The medium is mind talking to violet
Medium: “You were so young, I’m so sorry”
Violet: “Please don’t tell”
Poor Violet
this show is unfair to these characters
it’s just been constant stream of terrible things happening to them
Violet DIED
Vivian was RAPED
Ben… I dunno, probably stubbed his toe?
Oh so you’re one of those FEMINISTS, are you?
Suddenly a man stubbing his toe ‘isn’t as bad as his daughter dying’
You make me sick.
“One of these babies has been developing at a rapid rate” I bet that it’s Ben’s baby, not the antichrist
Ben’s baby is the mightiest baby
It comes out of the womb having eaten the antichrist and having gained its powers
I guess at that point it might as well be the antichrist
oh right, Tate killed this guy and sodomized him with a fireplace poker
I forgot about that
The guy probably never did
Violet seems displeased by her mum giving birth
oh hey, ghost doctors and ghost nurses
The specific people who died in this house is working out pretty great for Vivian
“This house is trying to help” help do… WHAT?
Destroy the world?
Win the “house of the year” award?
It does have a lovely garden
I guess the house was trying to create the anti-christ?
I never really thought about the house’s motivations but that’s the only thing that makes sense
(As much sense as anything in this show makes)
These ghost nurses and doctors are awfully professional
They said “Daddy you want to cut the cord” but I thought they’d said “Addy” and got briefly excited
Violet gonna banish Chad?
Nope, he was just messing with Violet
At least he’s burning the nursery and not going to steal the babies
Pity, his “adorable babies” platform had my vote.
Looks like Vivian is gonna die
she’s looking at Violet’s ghost
“We can be happy, just like we were before. Before my mistakes, before this house” dude that ship has sailed
Violet is trying to convince Vivian to die, Ben is trying to convince her to live
‘Come on honey, you need to pull through.’
‘You’re the only one who knows how to use the microwave’
I feel like turning the house into a block of flats would have been the ideal, because then everyone could haunt their own apartment
yup, Vivian’s dead
That is a LOT of blood
Which probably explains why she’s dead
“Why would I do that?” Good fucking question Tate
you god damn psychopath
Violet is, quite reasonably not forgiving him
for the rape and murder of Vivian
(Murder through demon baby)
(Second degree murder)
It’s a tricky way to murder someone, but if you can pull it off
Well let’s just say we might have a job for you at CMRU
(Complicated Murders ‘R’ Us)
[[Episode Twelve]]
SEASON FINALE
Prepare for disappointment.
Oh hey, nine month flashback
Possibly an alternate universe where they don’t go to the house?
Violet becomes president
Vivian discovers double-penicillin
Ben lives a fairly dull life
On the plus side, his toe never gets stubbed
Does Ben believe in ghosts yet?
Constance is not good at reasoning
her tactic is mainly “Yell and shit”
Not uh, not literally
oh hey, Ben just realised that Tate is Constance’s child
“Where is he?”
“In his graaaaaave” You have a real flair for the dramatic, Constance
So, what the fuck is their plan for Violet?
Like, I’m assuming Ben knows she’s dead by now
and sooner or later someone will find the body
then he’ll go to prison
also did he just not question the disappearance of that pest control guy?
He doesn’t pay attention to the help
Except I guess when they’re masturbating on his sofa
And I don’t believe they ever showed the pest control guy masturbating on his sofa
I feel like I would remember that scene.
“I saved you a shitload of money” (in relation to her not going to Harvard) ah Violet
you were always such a positive character
(That is a lie)
Makin’ out with a ghost
They should totally impregnate a ghost
it’s worked the other way
How did XX get all of these ghosts so on board with this?
that was efficient
I guess some of them were already murderers
This is supported by the murders we saw them commit in life
It’s so fucking easy, too
Like…these guys have supposedly been in the house the entire time
And we now know that they have the ability to just charge someone and flat-out try to kill them
What the hell have they been doing the rest of the season?
Ben just died I think?
Possibly faking it?
I don’t know
I don’t know what I WANT to happen at this point
yeah, Ben is totally dead
It’s like they got to this episode and someone was like ‘Oh hey btw you don’t get any more episodes after this.’
‘Welp! Better wrap everything up.’
‘Really, really abruptly.’
New guy, they told you not to skateboard in the house
they were very clear
did the new guy die I wonder?
People often die without me knowing
okay, one time that happened
it was very clever too
I hope that Violet and the new teenager get together
fuck it, why not
I hope he dies and they end up together forever
fuck it aaaalll
An attitude you share with this episode’s writers.
haha, Tate is jealous
oh wait, that means he’s going to murder someone
fuck
wait, I want that guy dead
I want EVERYONE dead
EVERYONE GETS TO DIE
Why not? It seems that being dead gives you absolutely all the powers of being alive, plus you never age. The only difference is that you never leave the house.
Basically me once I discovered menulog.
I like this new couple living in the house
HOPE THEY DIE
New Husband is hilarious
Why couldn’t he have been the main character?
There is 25 minutes and 45 seconds left
that’s not much time for a lot of answers
Oh you just wait
You just wait.
oh lord, Tate is in the new son’s room, being all creepy and threatening
Maybe I should start commentating on the times that he ISN’T being all creepy and threatening
This guy is surprisingly cool about all these people breaking in
oh dear, that’s not Tate in the gimpsuit
GOD DAMMIT HOUSE
Who is gimpy now?
“I don’t wanna hurt you,” Tate says, pulling a knife
“But I do have to kill you.” oh okay, that’s fair
I’d say that Tate is jumping on board to the “Kill everyone” plan, but really that’s been his game from the start
This episode is just kind of hilarious to me
They’re freely showing us what’s beyond the veil
So now we know all of the tricks in the book
Fuck this episode.
Seriously.
haha, Gimpy was Ben
they’re just fucking around now
I mean, we know explicitly know what ghosts in this house are capable of doing
Why have they been doing like a tenth of it for the rest of the season?
Like the gay couple – what the hell do they spend their time in the 2-out-of-3 episodes that they’re not around?
We know they can’t go anywhere
So…
Ugh.
Fuck this episode.
HAHAHA
Vivian and Ben just “killed” each other to scare off the new owners
Back to Tate wanting to kill the new guy
Violet: “Tate no.”
Tate: ‘Tate yes.’
I hope the house winds up abandoned
and all the ghosts just hang out forever
having bake sales
Having huge, intergenerational orgies
(They specifically established how horny being a ghost makes you.)
This is gonna be super awkward when Tate and Violet run into each other again
like damn
One of my favourite things about not being in high school is that I never have to see the people I dislike
Now they’re basically stuck in high school forever
‘Ghost High School’
I’d watch that show.
haha, they’re playing happy music and screaming “GET IN THE CAR”
They really went the comedy route with this episode
That’s one way of putting it
The murder house tour people must be so happy with how this all went down
oh hey, Tate wants more therapy from Ben
I’m cool with that
Ben is apparently a dick
“You can only forgive someone for what they did to you directly” interesting philosophy
Not sure what it’s based on but sure
Ben is being all like ‘Fuck you Tate’
‘You’re a dick’
‘Seriously’
‘You have killed a LOT of people’
Which I kinda agree with Ben on this one. He don’t owe you shit.
Also he is the world’s worst psychiatrist
I guess he’s the best psychiatrist that Tate has access to
But he would probably do better talking to a picture of a tree.
The ghosts have no reason to fear anything
Tate is acknowledging all the shitty things he’s done
Good for him
“I’m not your priest. I can’t absolve you of anything”
“I know that. Can’t you just… hang out with me sometimes?” Oh Tate
Vivian is playing the Cello
Where did she get a Cello?
You get one when you die
It’s just that none of the other ghosts knew how to play theirs
haha! First Lady is bored of having the baby
“You think you can claim him as some kind of birthright?” She gave birth to him, surely that’s gotta count for something
“Was do you call him?”
“Little noisy monster”
First Lady, that is quite the step down from Thaddeus
Thaddeus is a cool as shit name
I wonder if First Lady is now able to pass on into “da afterlife” as we call it
her main thing was wanting a baby and now she’s realizing how crap she is at it
Unfortunately that is not part of the mythology
The mythology is ‘you die and then you’re just stuck in the house literally forever for some reason’
‘You can do pretty much whatever you like’
‘Including becoming invisible at will’
‘Basically you’re a superhero with a really, really limited range.’
So if a ghost can only be seen when they will it, is the baby going to always visible, always not, or just randomly swapping?
This is one of the many questions that the show does nothing to answer.
I had forgotten how angry this episode made me.
The intermittent screams of a baby are probably going to affect the property value
More than the murders, somehow.
Moira is calling out First Lady on the fact that she doesn’t ACTUALLY want to be a mother, she just got fixated on the idea
Also she’s had her goblin child for almost a century now.
There was a lamp in the background and I thought Gimpy was around
(he wasn’t)
Lampy on the other hand…
‘naw, Vivian asked Moira to be her ghost baby’s godmother
seriously what the fuck, show.
I guess they wanted to give everyone a ‘happy ending’ but also wanted them all to die?
It results in the weirdest fucking tone.
Happily-ever-after-but-also-dead.
Happily-ever-dead
Coming this summer
A Tim Burton Production.
So, Moira and Thaddeus (I think) are the only ghosts to age
I hope baby does
otherwise that’d suuuuck
Moira didn’t really ‘age’, so much as ‘have the random ability to appear as two different ages to people based on either their gender or her whim’
Fuck this showwww
“3 years later”
Constance is crazy good at making up lies on the spot
This hairdresser scene doesn’t feel like it’s leading to anything
given that there’s four minutes left in the episode and at least some of that will be credits
Peter: OH GOD THE HAIRDRESSER SCENE
We were sitting there literally going ‘Why!?!?’
‘Why did the writer’s go “You know what everyone wants to see?”’
‘Ten minutes of Constance getting a haircut!’
‘Emmys for everyone!
Constance adopted Ben and Vivian’s child (the one who survived) and I think this scene is supposed to establish that she’s a good mother?
Also it answers the burning question we all had
‘WHERE DOES CONSTANCE GET HER HAIR CUT??’
Oh my, blood on the fridge
cookie jar broken open
blood trail leading to a room
dead woman
aaaand the son is creepy
Oh yeah
I forgot he was the antichrist
Again with the weird fucking tone
‘Happy family ending! Also uh I guess…the anti-christ?’
‘I guess?’
I watched this not realizing that they did a different plot each season.
And so I was like ‘Okay I guess they really wanted to establish the anti-Christ plot for next season.’
NOPE.
They just wanted to try to wrap everything up neatly.
In a way that…
Yeah.
Fuck this show.
Constance just has to be amazing at hiding bodies by this point
okay, Season one is over
Final thoughts: Decent, not enough explanations.
Main question: ‘What the fuck?’
Seriously though, I want to like that show a lot more than I did. It was well shot (which I always appreciate), and barring some frustrating story decisions, really quite haunting at times.
Maybe if they’d decided on a better tone for the final episode I’d be feeling different
But as it is, it’s kinda sub-par.
Apparently season 2 is way, way creepier.
But equally skilled at ‘falling apart at the end’.
I’m sort of intrigued to see how effectively they manage to fuck up a whole new plotline.
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