High School Musical (2006)

:
Upon realising that neither of her brothers had ever seen the sad tale of talented, driven people not getting recognised, Elizabeth decided to sit them all down together, thousands of kilometres apart, and show them the world’s greatest tragedy.
:
high school musical
Elizabeth:
So neither of my brothers have seen High School Musical before
Elizabeth:
We’re going to watch it together, two states apart. For BONDING.
Peter:
Xander, what do you know about HSM?
Xander:
I know you’ve gotta getcha
Xander:
getcha
Xander:
getcha head in the game
Peter:
I do not even know what that means
Peter:
I am a total HSM newbie
Elizabeth:
Are you in for a treat then!
Peter:
Everything I know about this film:
Peter:
1) It’s Disney and super squeaky-clean
Peter:
2) It launched Zac Efron, who I actually really like. He’s fun in Hairspray and plays a hot dude in Bad Neighbours
Peter:
3) I think I know some of the songs because of my love of Disney compilation albums
Peter:
Also there’s like a bunch of sequels and a love story with…Vanessa Hudgens?
Peter:
I believe I have seen her nudes, but don’t know her beyond that.
Peter:
Hopefully she appears nude at some point so I can recognise her
Peter:
Okay let’s start this thing!
Peter:
Looks like it’s snowing!
Peter:
Would it be too much to hope for a Christmas miracle?
Elizabeth:
It’s New Year!
Xander:
ZEFRON
Xander:
‘ENOUGH READING’
Xander:
‘NERD’
Elizabeth:
Zefron is too cool for a kid’s party
Peter:
Man I wonder if this nerdy girl and the cool basketball kid will get together
Peter:
They seem such an unlikely couple
Elizabeth:
The spotlight is playing matchmaker
Peter:
What kind of a system for getting karaoke singers is this?
Peter:
‘Whoever our spotlight stops on, no matter how disinterested they seem, they will sing next!’
Xander:
OR DEATH
Xander:
I bet someone dumps pigs blood on her
Xander:
and so she kills them
Elizabeth:
Well that is a reasonable response
Elizabeth:
STEALTH SINGING SKILLS
Elizabeth:
Zefron is INTRIGUED
Peter:
He’s all like ‘SHE CAN SING? BUT SHE IS A BOOK-READER!’
Peter:
’AND ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS, LIKE MOST NERDS’
Peter:
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Peter:
he has such a huge mouth
Elizabeth:
ALL THE BETTER TO KISS YOU WITH
Elizabeth:
They’re so happy
Peter:
Oh I get it!
Peter:
It IS the start of something new!
Peter:
They have decided to go with “text” in this film
Peter:
Instead of her more popular sister, “subtext”
Elizabeth:
If memory serves they are in love by the end of the song
Elizabeth:
It’s a short film
Peter:
Hang on why did she fall off the stage?
Peter:
Is…is she drunk?
Xander:
Drunk on books!
Peter:
Is this a message about teenage drinking?
Elizabeth:
She was drunk on Zefron, so I guess you were half-right
Xander:
They’re not even LOOKING at the lyrics
Peter:
They are singing from the HEART
Xander:
Oh man, new years countdown
Peter:
Why didn’t you kiss, you fools!
Xander:
They didn’t even make out
Peter:
Oh right she’s jerking him off below the camera-line
Peter:
They skipped the kissing part
Peter:
Oh look at these cute phones!
Peter:
They are from the past!
Xander:
I remember phones
Xander:
before the beetles emerged
Elizabeth:
…from the phones?
Xander:
New Mexico!
Xander:
Keep your eyes out for blue crystals in a bag
Peter:
“East High School”
Peter:
Run by ‘Principal Principal’
Xander:
These Wild Cats really got it going on
Peter:
Oh man this girl looks like she might be popular and bitchy
Xander:
“To Infinity and Beyond” is this not trademarked?
Xander:
oh right
Xander:
it is
Xander:
by Disney
Xander:
never mind
Peter:
Okay narrative structure tells us that these characters have to break up somehow
Peter:
So there needs to be some kind of tension
Elizabeth:
High School Musical cares not for your narrative structure
Peter:
Guesses:
Peter:
-Her parents hate his parents
Peter:
-The fact that he is cool and she is a nerd actually drives the drama
Peter:
-He is a racist
Xander:
-She is a bassist
Peter:
“She probably spent the holidays the way she always does. Shopping for mirrors.”
Peter:
Man how long does it take to shop for mirrors?
Peter:
I could get that done within like a few days
Xander:
“I don’t want to be the Freaky Genius Girl Again” Jesus Vanessa
Xander:
How vain can you get
Peter:
“I made my company promise I can’t get transferred again until you graduate.”
Peter:
That is not how any job ever has ever worked
Xander:
Is that Macaulay Culkin?
Peter:
It definitely isn’t
Peter:
So just to clarify:
Peter:
-He is amaaaaazing at basketball and singing
Peter:
-She is a super-genius who’s amazing at singing
Elizabeth:
They are also excellent at being adorable and innocently flirting
Peter:
Hang on did the teacher just confiscate some paint?
Elizabeth:
Haha, no that’s her phone bucket
Elizabeth:
For storing confiscated phones
Peter:
Oh! I thought one of the kid was rebelliously painting
Xander:
How do these people get caught with phones
Xander:
You just don’t hold it over the table
Peter:
By the end of this scene, the whole class will be in detention for the rest of the film
Peter:
Hang on that was the shortest class ever
Peter:
Did that class solely consist of confiscating things
Xander:
Roll call methinks
Elizabeth:
Roll call and phone confiscation class
Xander:
Is that his girlfriend?
Elizabeth:
Nope! That’s Sharpay
Peter:
Sharpay, you wrote your name way too big
Peter:
You know musicals normally use more than one actor, right?
Xander:
She looks like a young Umbridge
Elizabeth:
Hahaha, she does!
Xander:
“You get extra credit for auditioning” extra credit for WHAT?
Xander:
Just like
Xander:
school?
Elizabeth:
Yup!
Elizabeth:
Probs drama class?
Xander:
Why would you not do it
Xander:
Why would you ever not do it?
Peter:
Zefron appears to run this class
Elizabeth:
He is the captain and the coach’s son
Xander:
Is he gonna do it?
Xander:
Yes!
Xander:
His head is in the game!
Peter:
I hereby vow to never be afraid to shoot the outside jay
Peter:
Whatever that means
Elizabeth:
Ugh, getcha getcha getcha head in the game guys!
Elizabeth:
Less basketballs
Elizabeth:
More head in the game
Peter:
It’s so weird how heavily-produced these songs are.
Peter:
It’s the most lip-synchy musical I’ve ever seen.
Peter:
Oh hang on is this the infamous basketball team orgy scene?
Peter:
Or is that High School Musical 2: Interrracial basketball orgy
Peter:
Okay I actually want to break this down a bit. Within the world of the film, are they actually dancing, or is this just Zefron’s idea of what’s happening?
Peter:
Like was that an actual…rehearsal?
Peter:
Not rehearsal
Peter:
What’s it called when it’s sports?
Elizabeth:
Practice
Elizabeth:
Haha
Elizabeth:
I think that’s in his head
Xander:
Dude
Xander:
Pick up the ball
Xander:
don’t just leave it
Peter:
HA!
Peter:
The writers clearly didn’t understand math
Peter:
“Sixteen over pi? That’s clearly impossible.” said no math teacher ever
Xander:
“That’s quite impossible”
Xander:
‘You get an F”
Xander:
‘Get the fuck out’
Elizabeth:
‘And no pie for you’
Peter:
‘You’ve now broken maths’
Peter:
’Way to go, new kid’
Xander:
It’s Macaulay Culkin!
Xander:
Yay!
Xander:
He’s the real hero of the film
Peter:
Oh hang on is Sharpay not cool?
Peter:
Is this like Glee, where the singing kids are put-upon?
Elizabeth:
Not cool, but high in her social group
Elizabeth:
They break it down later
Peter:
Oh my god.
Peter:
‘She’s smart! I am shocked by this and we can use it to trash her reputation’
Peter:
Firstly, what reputation?
Peter:
Secondly…being smart isn’t bad in and of itself, is it?
Xander:
In the world of movies it is!
Peter:
‘Smart kids! Muah ha ha ha ha ha!’
Peter:
‘They are the worst and we shall tease them for being good at something!’
Peter:
What’s the name of the purple teacher?
Elizabeth:
Ms Darbus
Xander:
“Gold! More gold!”
Xander:
This turned into a slave labour mine faster than I expected
Elizabeth:
I’m pretty sure that’s the whole reason she does detention
Elizabeth:
How else do you think these drama productions happen?
Peter:
Coach: “Don’t make me ask again…”
Peter:
*slaps a kid*
Xander:
Oh yikes
Xander:
the kids really did flinch
Xander:
this teacher definitely hits them
Peter:
Did you guys ever have teachers fight in front of you?
Xander:
Nope!
Xander:
We had reasonable teachers!
Elizabeth:
I never get American things where everything is scheduled so you can have one interest and one interest only
Xander:
“So Coach, how’s the team? Whipping them into shape?”
Xander:
okay yup, everyone knows about the abuse
Xander:
they just don’t give a shit
Elizabeth:
Darbus is actually just trying to rescue the kids from the basketball coach
Elizabeth:
In such a way the kids are not blamed
Xander:
Darbus is the hero of this story
Xander:
“We’ve never made it past the first round of the scholastic decathalon”
Xander:
wow, they were THAT school
Xander:
one kid ain’t gonna help
Peter:
Well it seems to have a culture of picking on smart kids
Peter:
That can’t help
Elizabeth:
Vudgen’s new friend: “Unless you’d rather sit with the cheerleaders and discuss firm nail beds”
Elizabeth:
Vudgens: “My nail beds are history”
Elizabeth:
What are nail beds?
Peter:
You know where gurus sleep to show that they don’t feel pain?
Elizabeth:
ohhh
Elizabeth:
damn
Elizabeth:
the cheerleaders are hard core
Peter:
Oh shit Zefron’s Dad is the abusive coach!
Elizabeth:
Yup!
Peter:
Zefron suddenly got a tragic backstory
Xander:
Ms Darbus is dressed like the 70s
Xander:
This classroom has a raised throne
Xander:
for Ms Darbus
Xander:
“Yesterday I punished you all without warning. Now I need you on my side”
Xander:
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Xander:
He’s not even trying to hide
Xander:
he’s standing in a doorway peeking over…
Xander:
nothing
Elizabeth:
Smooth, Zefron
Xander:
Zefron is super smooth
Peter:
HOW DID ZEFRON MOVE SO FAST
Peter:
IS HE THE FLASH
Elizabeth:
“YOU WERE ACROSS THE LOT”
Elizabeth:
“NO ONE WILL BELIEVE YOU”
Peter:
Hahahaha
Xander:
Dude he’s in the workshop area with no safety gear on
Xander:
that’s not safe
Peter:
Zefron is about as good at hiding as his friends
Peter:
He’s pushing a big bulky cart
Peter:
And hiding by standing next to it
Peter:
Behind nothing
Xander:
Darbus really, really hates cellphones
Peter:
I think Darbus’s family was murdered by a roaming pack of cell phones
Elizabeth:
This guy auditioning is so pleased someone noticed his tie at last
Xander:
Why is Mrs Darbus so unpleasant
Peter:
Her whole family, man
Peter:
Cell phones
Xander:
“Go see a counsellor”
Xander:
okay Darbus is in my good books again
Peter:
Haha this pre-audition ritual is amazing
Peter:
I am going to do that before every show I ever do from now on
Xander:
Culkin!
Xander:
He’s wearing a green hat!
Peter:
Oh well that’s not fair.
Xander:
The green hat?
Peter:
No
Peter:
Culkin and Sharpay had the advantage of being professionally produced and then dubbing it in later!
Elizabeth:
The others could have chosen to go that extra step!
Peter:
Also her tapping does not match with the movement of her feet
Elizabeth:
Their clothes are suspiciously sparkly
Peter:
Hahaha Darbus is dancing along
Xander:
Did they literally just get two people?
Xander:
Two-person musical
Peter:
Oh so Culkin is evil as well
Peter:
I thought he was just put-upon
Xander:
Nope, he’s the most evil
Xander:
You can tell from the green hat
Peter:
I am starting to suspect that Sharpay is not a nice person
Elizabeth:
Take that back!
Xander:
“I AM PERFECT”
Xander:
“NO FEEDBACK”
Peter:
HA!
Peter:
Darbus doesn’t know the word “team”
Elizabeth:
You didn’t know the word practice!
Peter:
Yeah that is a fair point
Elizabeth:
N’aww, Zefron’s secretly nice
Elizabeth:
Wait, nope
Elizabeth:
Just manipulative
Peter:
Oh okay so the drama comes not from these two struggling to get together
Peter:
but from them inexplicably desperately wanting to be in the musical together
Peter:
despite both having other hobbies
Xander:
Both having a single hobby each
Elizabeth:
You can’t have more than one hobby!
Elizabeth:
What do you think this is, primary school?!
Peter:
Why can they read music so well? I thought neither of them really did music until now
Xander:
She’s a secret genius
Elizabeth:
GETCHA HEAD IN THE GAME
Elizabeth:
This is HIGH SCHOOL
Peter:
Prediction: We never hear this song again, despite it supposedly being in the musical
Peter:
I am going to be honest I much preferred Sharpay’s version
Peter:
“Maybe we’re being filmed…right now!”
Peter:
THEY ARE
Peter:
WE ARE WATCHING THE FOOTAGE
Elizabeth:
HOW DO THEY KNOW
Xander:
“I’ve already picked out my colours”
Xander:
She’s done her own music and wardrobe
Peter:
Haha she’s actually going to do really well once she leaves High School
Peter:
Like those are genuinely useful skills
Peter:
(unlike math or basketball, I hate to say)
Xander:
I kind of regret majoring in Mathketball
Elizabeth:
I love this song
Xander:
HE BAKES
Xander:
FETCH THE LYNCHING TREE
Peter:
Oh I have seen a parody of this!
Elizabeth:
It’s so close to being satire I find it hard to imagine a parody
Xander:
This is a conformity song
Elizabeth:
“something strange is stirring” – is it puberty?
Peter:
Where the heck does this kid play the cello that his friends don’t know about it?
Peter:
Some kind of extra-curricular orchestra?
Elizabeth:
SECRET extra-curricular orchestra
Elizabeth:
Out of town, cover of darkness sort of thing
Peter:
This film honestly has some of the least interesting choreography I’ve ever seen
Peter:
HA! Creme brulee guy brought some with him to school
Xander:
I had friends who baked in High School
Xander:
it’s frequently awesome
Peter:
I would be all over my friends baking
Xander:
“I can’t have people staring at me” Why did you audition?
Xander:
What was the plan here, Vudgens?
Peter:
They seemed totally fine during karaoke
Elizabeth:
Look, it’s a play of two people
Elizabeth:
There’s going to be 6 people in the audience tops
Xander:
oh wow, Sharpay bullshits fast
Xander:
“She did it on purpose!”
Xander:
‘And so did the hockey team!’
Peter:
I genuinely think that Sharpay is the most talented character in this show
Xander:
If only she had a green hat
Xander:
Some day, Sharpay
Xander:
Some day
Peter:
“ZEKE IS BAKING”
Peter:
“SHUT UP ZEKE”
Peter:
Zeke is possibly my favourite
Elizabeth:
Zefron is down with baking
Peter:
Sharpay should just run her own freaking musical.
Peter:
I really don’t understand why she needs anyone else.
Elizabeth:
She needs underlings
Peter:
She’s talented, determined, hard-working and quick on her feet.
Peter:
Mark my words, in ten years time, she’ll have gone the furthest in life.
Elizabeth:
But will she have ever won the big game?
Xander:
I would enjoy this Coach/singing teacher showdown much more with Will Schuester and Jane Lynch
Peter:
I want a nightmare sequence where Darbus is surrounded by sports and cell phones
Peter:
“Did you ever feel like there’s this whole other person inside of you just waiting to come out?”
Elizabeth:
…is she pregnant?
Elizabeth:
Zeke, you can’t just shout about baking
Elizabeth:
You must produce baked goods
Elizabeth:
That is how to win someone over
Xander:
Zeke’s head is clearly not in the game
Xander:
He should rectify that
Peter:
I think Sharpay is my favourite character
Peter:
No wait I forgot Zeke
Xander:
I hope Zeke and Sharpay end up together
Xander:
They just spoke, so it might actually be a possibility
Peter:
They are clearly the best.
Peter:
The rest are so sickly-sweet
Xander:
I can’t name a single other character
Peter:
Zefron and Vudgens have literally NOTHING stopping them from getting together
Peter:
Just bone, guys
Peter:
Just do it
Elizabeth:
They’re like 15!
Peter:
THEN WHY WAS SHE GIVING HIM A HANDJOB, ELIZABETH
Elizabeth:
I DON’T RECALL THIS HAPPENING
Xander:
“Sometimes I don’t want to be the basketball guy” what, you’d want to be the baker guy?
Xander:
Loser.
Xander:
Is baking even a hobby?
Xander:
like
Xander:
you’ve gotta eat
Elizabeth:
For sure!
Elizabeth:
You also gotta play hockey
Elizabeth:
Doesn’t mean it’s not a hobby
Peter:
I guess the one-hobby rule would explain why everyone freaked out about the baking and the hip-hop
Elizabeth:
Haha, you are catching on
Peter:
Oh man in the sequel someone moves to town who has THREE hobbies
Peter:
And even the previously-freaky “two hobby” characters can’t cope with it
Xander:
‘Hang on what’
Xander:
‘You play guitar AND you knit AND you watch the soccer?’
Peter:
*head explodes*
Peter:
Man this chick is good at piano.
Peter:
She’s able to play a background violin and choir as well
Peter:
That’s some mad skillz
Xander:
Fuck Culkin has swagger
Peter:
Yeah Culkin is pretty great too
Xander:
look at that fucking hat
Xander:
Why would you practice in a public bathroom?
Peter:
Haha Sharpay is delightful
Xander:
She kicked one door in and gave up
Xander:
Oh wait, Culkin and Sharpay are siblings?
Xander:
Not lovers?
Elizabeth:
Siblings indeed!
Peter:
Why not both?
Xander:
This isn’t Game of Thrones, Peter
Elizabeth:
It’s family-friendly
Elizabeth:
But not THAT family-friendly
Elizabeth:
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Peter:
Wait was Vudgens just hiding…next to a wall
Elizabeth:
The best of hiding places
Peter:
Fuck these characters are awful at hiding
Peter:
Sharpay just walked straight towards that wall and didn’t see her?
Peter:
JUST BECAUSE THE CAMERA CAN’T SEE doesn’t mean the CHARACTERS can’t see
Elizabeth:
She was really close to the wall
Peter:
I dunno what happened there with my capitalisation
Peter:
I abandoned the shouting halfway through
Xander:
it’s okay
Xander:
THeSE things are hard
Elizabeth:
The rage comes and goes
Elizabeth:
That’s my memory of the film
Peter:
Hang on Vudgens has THREE hobbies!?
Peter:
WHAT IS HAPPENING
Peter:
STICK WITH THE STATUS QUO
Elizabeth:
HOW DOES SHE FIT IT ALL IN?
Elizabeth:
NO WONDER SHE HAS NO TIME FOR DATING
Peter:
This coach is really controlling
Xander:
Further evidence of abuse
Elizabeth:
When you only have one hobby, you have to take it really seriously
Peter:
I mean Zefron your Dad has a point – you seem to be running rehearsals
Peter:
Sports rehearsals
Peter:
Jesus Christ that wasn’t even a joke I legitimately typed “rehearsals” again
Elizabeth:
He looks like he’s going to cry
Xander:
“You’re gonna end up in our refrigerator”
Xander:
what a thinly veiled threat
Peter:
Teacher stop glaring at them you are a teacher.
Peter:
Ask them to leave.
Peter:
YOU HAVE THAT POWER
Elizabeth:
They are the popular kids
Elizabeth:
No teacher has that much power
Elizabeth:
Darbus tried and look where that has gotten us?
Peter:
Oh my god I love the Sharpay siblings
Peter:
Their fashion is stupendous
Xander:
Especially in the hat department
Xander:
“Can’t tell the difference between a Tony award and Tony Hawk”
Xander:
WHY WON’T THIS TROPHY TEACH ME TO SKATE
Peter:
Oh my god
Peter:
The Thunderclap
Peter:
I want a nickname that everyone claps after
Xander:
this is a cult
Xander:
this is just a cult
Peter:
No look I am actually on their side
Peter:
They voted him in and he accepted the role of team captain
Peter:
That’s got responsibilities and he should really stick with it
Xander:
He missed one rehearsal
Xander:
In three years
Peter:
Right before an important game!
Xander:
hmmm
Xander:
yeah okay
Elizabeth:
I think the real problem is the faculty won’t communicate and arrange their schedules
Elizabeth:
And possibly the basketball teach has too many practices
Elizabeth:
It’s hard to tell
Peter:
The other thing is that these scholarships? Actually a HUGE deal
Peter:
It’s the difference between $120 000 worth of student debt/parents money
Peter:
And free college
Elizabeth:
So the real villain in this film is the American educational system?
Peter:
POLITICS
Xander:
Oh wow
Xander:
collaborating with the jocks to set up the camera
Xander:
I’m actually impressed with that ploy
Xander:
I was briefly wondering why they couldn’t just do what Spider-Man did and keep the High School Musical movies going after they graduate
Xander:
it’s uh, quite actively in the title
Peter:
I dunno
Peter:
One season of “The Office” takes place entirely underwater
Peter:
There’s no office at all
Elizabeth:
I loved that season!
Peter:
“I thought you were my fairy tale” is quite a bold claim after some mild flirting
Peter:
Oh man Vudgens is awful at cry-acting
Peter:
Yeah look I have really gone off Vudgens.
Peter:
Her acting is about as bad as her dancing.
Elizabeth:
But at least she knows 16 over pi is nonsense
Xander:
NONSENSE
Peter:
Oh my god why is there a huge banner of them on the wall
Peter:
THAT is creepy
Xander:
This school is just a set of cults, Peter
Xander:
that is why
Peter:
Friday Night Lights is all about creepiness of a school being over-obsessed with a sports team and even they don’t go that far
Xander:
I suspect schemes are afoot
Xander:
That is what their blatant scheming would suggest
Peter:
Hang on I’m really confused about Sharpay (who has been off-screen for way too long)
Peter:
Her unclear motivation has become even more confusing
Peter:
What are her feelings towards Zefron at this point in time?
Elizabeth:
She just wants the lead in the musical
Elizabeth:
And briefly thought it might be advantageous dating him/possibly replacing her brother?
Elizabeth:
In the shows
Elizabeth:
Not in the dating
Peter:
Hahaha
Elizabeth:
She is not dating her brother
Peter:
That we know of
Xander:
I thought she was for a while
Xander:
NEXT WEEK, on Game of Thrones
Peter:
God the nerd friends are horrible
Peter:
I mean I get that they’re redeeming themselves now
Peter:
But just to organise that in the first place is so so awful
Elizabeth:
Look, they have a shot of getting to the Decathalon
Elizabeth:
They had to take it
Xander:
Vudgens is just drawing chemicals
Elizabeth:
…maybe ‘decathalon’ is code?
Elizabeth:
Maybe they run a meth lab?
Peter:
SIXTEEN OVER PI? ARE YOU A FREAKING MORON
Peter:
THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE
Peter:
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Xander:
Who knocks on a door and then turns around?
Xander:
The mother is now smitten also
Xander:
by his boyish good looks and charm
Peter:
I feel like the mum was just standing directly next to the door, waiting for him to knock
Peter:
’Maybe tonight will be the night!’
Elizabeth:
‘Maybe someone will come to visit me at last?’
Xander:
Wait, did he go into her backyard?
Elizabeth:
This is a bit Grease-like
Peter:
This film is just Grease and Glee thrown into a blender
Elizabeth:
That would explain the different fashion styles
Peter:
“I brought you something.”
Peter:
‘It’s Zeke’s baking!’
Xander:
How did he climb that
Xander:
with his phone in his hand
Xander:
and his head in the game
Peter:
Without ever losing his breath
Elizabeth:
What happens off camera stays off camera
Xander:
Can the mum not hear this?
Elizabeth:
She’s waiting at the front door, presumably
Peter:
Oh this is how one smart kid makes them win the decatholon
Peter:
She teaches them all to be smart too
Peter:
(Handy tip: being smart ≠ being good at teaching!)
Xander:
ACTION BLACKBOARD
Peter:
Okay like when the faculty is organising the rehearsals it makes sense that they clash
Peter:
But now they’re scheduling their own damn rehearsals
Peter:
At the time that they’ve already booked decathalon rehearsals and sports rehearsals
Peter:
Oh man does Sharpay have the ability to arrange interschool decathalons and basketball games?
Peter:
She really is incredible
Xander:
This film has such good hiders
Xander:
Did you see piano lady disappear?
Peter:
I think because she’s not important Sharpay just doesn’t notice her
Elizabeth:
At last her social invisibility has given her hiding powers
Xander:
‘I got a callback and then organised it so that literally half of the people can’t be there’
Xander:
‘Nyeh nyeh nyeh’
Peter:
So hang on is the idea that the Game and Decathalon were already at the same time?
Elizabeth:
I think so
Elizabeth:
One hobby per student makes scheduling really easy
Peter:
THEY MADE A PI PIE
Peter:
Okay THAT is is nerd culture done right
Xander:
Pffft, a real nerd would have gotten a Tau Towel
Peter:
What on earth are these squishy balls that they’re throwing?
Peter:
Why do they exist and why do they have so many of them?
Elizabeth:
Soft basketballs to represent the softening of their hearts?
Peter:
This cheer team is actually pretty good. Probably the best choreography of the film so far.
Xander:
How was there not a cheerleader subplot in this film?
Peter:
I was secretly a little bit hopeful that the nerds’ equation would work and cause them to win the game
Elizabeth:
Aww, equation to win the game would be great!
Xander:
Is one of them in a karate robe?
Peter:
HA! They’re literally called East High School and West High School
Xander:
Oh my god Sharpay and Culkin are the absolute best
Peter:
I really hope they get the part!
Peter:
*fingers crossed*
Xander:
oh wow
Xander:
wow
Xander:
guys
Peter:
OH MY GOD CULKIN YOU ARE THE BEST
Peter:
THIS DANCE SEQUENCE IS AMAZING
Xander:
this dance
Xander:
this song
Xander:
ARRIBA
Peter:
I LOVE THIS SO MUCH
Xander:
Sharpay is wearing a mullet dress
Elizabeth:
THAT IS THE BEST DESCRIPTION FOR THAT DRESS STYLE
Peter:
They clearly picked the wrong people to be the heroes of this film
Xander:
I genuinely think that might be why Rachel is the main character of Glee
Xander:
they realised how fun that story can be
Peter:
Plus in Glee they bothered to give the romance some tension
Elizabeth:
It’s definitely the more interesting way to go
Peter:
Oh my god I actually love this dance
Peter:
This is also the best choreography of the film
Peter:
DON’T CUT AWAY
Peter:
Nooooooo
Elizabeth:
I don’t want to see hockey!!
Elizabeth:
I wanna see dancing!
Elizabeth:
And bopping to the top!
Xander:
I wish the game was dancing
Xander:
and also the decathalon
Elizabeth:
Wee! Back to dancing!
Peter:
Oh my god what
Peter:
Are they sending through a bomb threat??
Elizabeth:
…threat?
Elizabeth:
Think again
Xander:
are
Xander:
are they hacking something?
Xander:
What are they hacking?
Xander:
They’re hacking the scoreboard
Peter:
They are totally hacking the scoreboard
Peter:
Because it is of course connected to the internet
Peter:
vlcsnap-2015-01-22-16h47m26s221
Xander:
‘Was no-one keeping track?’
Elizabeth:
There’s 7 minutes to go! Just let them finish!
Peter:
Oh man this is actually a really horrible thing to do
Peter:
They are sabotaging so many things
Elizabeth:
And super illegal
Elizabeth:
Like
Elizabeth:
Illegal on several different levels
Xander:
dude don’t leave the laptop
Xander:
that shit’s expensive
Elizabeth:
It was a burner laptop
Peter:
Back to the song!!
Peter:
“Stomp stomp stomp, do the romp” is the best
Peter:
I might have to get the soundtrack just for this song
Xander:
“The theatre waits for no-one”
Xander:
‘and also I booked it to co-incide with many other things’
Xander:
‘So you literally couldn’t participate’
Xander:
‘cuz fuck you’
Peter:
Seriously? Destroying two inter-school competitive events was easier than delaying the rehearsal through a similar hacking technique?
Xander:
Why did she even give them a callback?
Xander:
Legitimately?
Xander:
Like
Xander:
She obviously liked them
Xander:
But now she’s very actively fucking them over
Elizabeth:
Why did she think there was no pianist?
Elizabeth:
Is that girl actually invisible?
Peter:
This “stage fright” plotline is so awfully done
Peter:
‘I am nervous but not enough to actually present an issue in any way I just mention it sporadically and it affects the plot in no other way’
Elizabeth:
It’s part of her charm
Elizabeth:
She’s in a musical, so she can’t be clumsy
Peter:
If they get it based on how much the audience dug it that’s totally unfair
Peter:
Sharpay’s dance was 100x better and the audience would have gone freaking nuts for it
Elizabeth:
Hey, Darbus needs to sell seats
Elizabeth:
This is show biz
Elizabeth:
Not high school
Peter:
Also their choreography is awwwwfuullll.
Peter:
They’re just swaying.
Peter:
Sharpay had a whole dance number properly choreographed!
Elizabeth:
Yeah, but did you see how many times Vudgens twirled just now
Elizabeth:
It was a lot of times!
Elizabeth:
And also Darbus does not appear to actually know anything about dancing
Peter:
Why the crap is Vudgen’s mum there?
Peter:
Honestly, and I’m not just saying this because I liked the characters:
Peter:
Sharpay 100 000% deserves the role.
Peter:
Their song was better-performed in every possible way
Peter:
Including/especially choreography
Peter:
Whaaaaat
Peter:
They’re going back to the game??
Xander:
Now Darbus loves basketball?
Peter:
Oh Jesus everyone is just winning everything
Xander:
“We won the decathalon!” they don’t even get a scene for it
Xander:
aaaaand now they’ve paired off two side characters
Elizabeth:
Why is Sharpay now nice?
Elizabeth:
Is this a fever dream?
Xander:
what the fuck just happened
Peter:
Whaaaaat happened to this movie
Peter:
This is the most ridiculously-neat ending since Dexter season 5
Elizabeth:
Dude
Elizabeth:
Don’t steal her hat and throw it
Xander:
NOT THE HAT
Peter:
THE PIANIST WAS PRETTY AFTER ALL
Peter:
I feel uncomfortable with pianist’s happy ending requiring her to wear less clothing
Peter:
Darbus: ‘Your father and I are getting married!’
Peter:
‘Also I now LOVE cell phones!’
Xander:
Father: ‘I’m going to stop beating you and the rest of the team!’
Peter:
Haha Culkin’s end-dancing is amazing
Xander:
CULKIN
Xander:
Culkin is all
Xander:
‘Summer Lovin’
Xander:
‘Happens so fast’
Peter:
Sharpay: “We were right because we stuck together.”
Peter:
Well I mean
Peter:
You specifically didn’t
Peter:
You very explicitly tried to betray them
Elizabeth:
Yeah, but they were all in the one plot
Elizabeth:
Just on different sides
Elizabeth:
I think Sharpay and Ryan started doing flash mobs instead of the play
Peter:
Hahaha
Peter:
I would watch that movie
Peter:
Holy crap this school’s marching band has a lot of drummers
Peter:
It’s like 90% drummers
Elizabeth:
Yeah, one hobby each, pick quickly or you are on drums
Peter:
Hey have Zefron and Vudgens actually gotten together?
Peter:
End credits??
Peter:
They didn’t even kiss!
Peter:
All we got was the handjob at the beginning!
Elizabeth:
They nearly kissed earlier!
Xander:
who are we supposed to care about
Xander:
what was the character arc of anyone other than Zefron?
Peter:
OH
Peter:
The whole film was filmed in and funded by Utah
Peter:
That explains a BUNCH
Elizabeth:
Don’t throw Zeke’s cookies away!!
Peter:
Hahah yeah
Peter:
‘These cookies are amazing! They throw so easily!’
Xander:
SHARPAY AND ZEKE
Xander:
YESSSSS
Peter:
OH MY GOD WE TOTALLY CALLED THAT
Xander:
Camera smile! Best!
Peter:
End credits!
Xander:
well
Xander:
that was a thing
Peter:
Okay well the acting was mostly terrible, the script was silly but not quite silly enough, and it had the most boring choreography I’ve ever seen in a musical
Peter:
But I actually still quite liked that
Xander:
yeah
Peter:
According to wikipedia this film was a “modern adaptation of Romeo and Juliet”
Peter:
Which no
Peter:
No, it absolutely isn’t
Xander:
Were there any subplots in this film?
Xander:
Like, Zeke almost got a baking subplot
Peter:
Darbus vs the cell phones?
Peter:
THEY ACTUALLY FILMED IT IN A PLACE CALLED “EAST HIGH SCHOOL”
Elizabeth:
It’s so close to being a satire
Elizabeth:
It’s weird
Xander:
I’m… actually interested in seeing the sequel sometime
Peter:
Zeke was great, Sharpay was super fun (despite incorrectly being the villain and then inexplicably becoming a good guy at the end?)
Peter:
About 30% of the songs were pretty fun, which is actually not too bad for a musical
Peter:
And Culkin just rocked every scene he was in
Peter:
I’m going to go with a 7/10 if you enter with lowwww expectations (like I did)
Peter:
And a 4/10 if you go in expecting a 7/10
Peter:
What’d you guys think?
Elizabeth:
I think it’s just silly enough to be okay
Xander:
I’m not sure
Xander:
I enjoyed it
Xander:
I’m glad I watched it
Xander:
But they picked the wrong main characters
Elizabeth:
THERE IS A SEQUEL CALLED SHARPAY’S FABULOUS ADVENTURE
Elizabeth:
About her trying to get onto broadway after high school
Peter:
OH MY GOD YES

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