So neither of my brothers have seen High School Musical before
We’re going to watch it together, two states apart. For BONDING.
Xander, what do you know about HSM?
I know you’ve gotta getcha
getcha head in the game
I do not even know what that means
I am a total HSM newbie
Are you in for a treat then!
Everything I know about this film:
1) It’s Disney and super squeaky-clean
2) It launched Zac Efron, who I actually really like. He’s fun in Hairspray and plays a hot dude in Bad Neighbours
3) I think I know some of the songs because of my love of Disney compilation albums
Also there’s like a bunch of sequels and a love story with…Vanessa Hudgens?
I believe I have seen her nudes, but don’t know her beyond that.
Hopefully she appears nude at some point so I can recognise her
Okay let’s start this thing!
Looks like it’s snowing!
Would it be too much to hope for a Christmas miracle?
It’s New Year!
Zefron is too cool for a kid’s party
Man I wonder if this nerdy girl and the cool basketball kid will get together
They seem such an unlikely couple
The spotlight is playing matchmaker
What kind of a system for getting karaoke singers is this?
‘Whoever our spotlight stops on, no matter how disinterested they seem, they will sing next!’
I bet someone dumps pigs blood on her
and so she kills them
Well that is a reasonable response
STEALTH SINGING SKILLS
Zefron is INTRIGUED
He’s all like ‘SHE CAN SING? BUT SHE IS A BOOK-READER!’
’AND ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS, LIKE MOST NERDS’
he has such a huge mouth
ALL THE BETTER TO KISS YOU WITH
They’re so happy
Oh I get it!
It IS the start of something new!
They have decided to go with “text” in this film
Instead of her more popular sister, “subtext”
If memory serves they are in love by the end of the song
It’s a short film
Hang on why did she fall off the stage?
Is…is she drunk?
Drunk on books!
Is this a message about teenage drinking?
She was drunk on Zefron, so I guess you were half-right
They’re not even LOOKING at the lyrics
They are singing from the HEART
Oh man, new years countdown
Why didn’t you kiss, you fools!
They didn’t even make out
Oh right she’s jerking him off below the camera-line
They skipped the kissing part
Oh look at these cute phones!
They are from the past!
I remember phones
before the beetles emerged
…from the phones?
Keep your eyes out for blue crystals in a bag
“East High School”
Run by ‘Principal Principal’
These Wild Cats really got it going on
Oh man this girl looks like she might be popular and bitchy
“To Infinity and Beyond” is this not trademarked?
Okay narrative structure tells us that these characters have to break up somehow
So there needs to be some kind of tension
High School Musical cares not for your narrative structure
-Her parents hate his parents
-The fact that he is cool and she is a nerd actually drives the drama
-He is a racist
-She is a bassist
“She probably spent the holidays the way she always does. Shopping for mirrors.”
Man how long does it take to shop for mirrors?
I could get that done within like a few days
“I don’t want to be the Freaky Genius Girl Again” Jesus Vanessa
How vain can you get
“I made my company promise I can’t get transferred again until you graduate.”
That is not how any job ever has ever worked
Is that Macaulay Culkin?
It definitely isn’t
So just to clarify:
-He is amaaaaazing at basketball and singing
-She is a super-genius who’s amazing at singing
They are also excellent at being adorable and innocently flirting
Hang on did the teacher just confiscate some paint?
Haha, no that’s her phone bucket
For storing confiscated phones
Oh! I thought one of the kid was rebelliously painting
How do these people get caught with phones
You just don’t hold it over the table
By the end of this scene, the whole class will be in detention for the rest of the film
Hang on that was the shortest class ever
Did that class solely consist of confiscating things
Roll call methinks
Roll call and phone confiscation class
Is that his girlfriend?
Nope! That’s Sharpay
Sharpay, you wrote your name way too big
You know musicals normally use more than one actor, right?
She looks like a young Umbridge
Hahaha, she does!
“You get extra credit for auditioning” extra credit for WHAT?
Probs drama class?
Why would you not do it
Why would you ever not do it?
Zefron appears to run this class
He is the captain and the coach’s son
Is he gonna do it?
His head is in the game!
I hereby vow to never be afraid to shoot the outside jay
Whatever that means
Ugh, getcha getcha getcha head in the game guys!
More head in the game
It’s so weird how heavily-produced these songs are.
It’s the most lip-synchy musical I’ve ever seen.
Oh hang on is this the infamous basketball team orgy scene?
Or is that High School Musical 2: Interrracial basketball orgy
Okay I actually want to break this down a bit. Within the world of the film, are they actually dancing, or is this just Zefron’s idea of what’s happening?
Like was that an actual…rehearsal?
What’s it called when it’s sports?
I think that’s in his head
Pick up the ball
don’t just leave it
The writers clearly didn’t understand math
“Sixteen over pi? That’s clearly impossible.” said no math teacher ever
“That’s quite impossible”
‘You get an F”
‘Get the fuck out’
‘And no pie for you’
‘You’ve now broken maths’
’Way to go, new kid’
It’s Macaulay Culkin!
He’s the real hero of the film
Oh hang on is Sharpay not cool?
Is this like Glee, where the singing kids are put-upon?
Not cool, but high in her social group
They break it down later
Oh my god.
‘She’s smart! I am shocked by this and we can use it to trash her reputation’
Firstly, what reputation?
Secondly…being smart isn’t bad in and of itself, is it?
In the world of movies it is!
‘Smart kids! Muah ha ha ha ha ha!’
‘They are the worst and we shall tease them for being good at something!’
What’s the name of the purple teacher?
“Gold! More gold!”
This turned into a slave labour mine faster than I expected
I’m pretty sure that’s the whole reason she does detention
How else do you think these drama productions happen?
Coach: “Don’t make me ask again…”
*slaps a kid*
the kids really did flinch
this teacher definitely hits them
Did you guys ever have teachers fight in front of you?
We had reasonable teachers!
I never get American things where everything is scheduled so you can have one interest and one interest only
“So Coach, how’s the team? Whipping them into shape?”
okay yup, everyone knows about the abuse
they just don’t give a shit
Darbus is actually just trying to rescue the kids from the basketball coach
In such a way the kids are not blamed
Darbus is the hero of this story
“We’ve never made it past the first round of the scholastic decathalon”
wow, they were THAT school
one kid ain’t gonna help
Well it seems to have a culture of picking on smart kids
That can’t help
Vudgen’s new friend: “Unless you’d rather sit with the cheerleaders and discuss firm nail beds”
Vudgens: “My nail beds are history”
What are nail beds?
You know where gurus sleep to show that they don’t feel pain?
the cheerleaders are hard core
Oh shit Zefron’s Dad is the abusive coach!
Zefron suddenly got a tragic backstory
Ms Darbus is dressed like the 70s
This classroom has a raised throne
for Ms Darbus
“Yesterday I punished you all without warning. Now I need you on my side”
He’s not even trying to hide
he’s standing in a doorway peeking over…
Zefron is super smooth
HOW DID ZEFRON MOVE SO FAST
IS HE THE FLASH
“YOU WERE ACROSS THE LOT”
“NO ONE WILL BELIEVE YOU”
Dude he’s in the workshop area with no safety gear on
that’s not safe
Zefron is about as good at hiding as his friends
He’s pushing a big bulky cart
And hiding by standing next to it
Darbus really, really hates cellphones
I think Darbus’s family was murdered by a roaming pack of cell phones
This guy auditioning is so pleased someone noticed his tie at last
Why is Mrs Darbus so unpleasant
Her whole family, man
“Go see a counsellor”
okay Darbus is in my good books again
Haha this pre-audition ritual is amazing
I am going to do that before every show I ever do from now on
He’s wearing a green hat!
Oh well that’s not fair.
The green hat?
Culkin and Sharpay had the advantage of being professionally produced and then dubbing it in later!
The others could have chosen to go that extra step!
Also her tapping does not match with the movement of her feet
Their clothes are suspiciously sparkly
Hahaha Darbus is dancing along
Did they literally just get two people?
Oh so Culkin is evil as well
I thought he was just put-upon
Nope, he’s the most evil
You can tell from the green hat
I am starting to suspect that Sharpay is not a nice person
Take that back!
“I AM PERFECT”
Darbus doesn’t know the word “team”
You didn’t know the word practice!
Yeah that is a fair point
N’aww, Zefron’s secretly nice
Oh okay so the drama comes not from these two struggling to get together
but from them inexplicably desperately wanting to be in the musical together
despite both having other hobbies
Both having a single hobby each
You can’t have more than one hobby!
What do you think this is, primary school?!
Why can they read music so well? I thought neither of them really did music until now
She’s a secret genius
GETCHA HEAD IN THE GAME
This is HIGH SCHOOL
Prediction: We never hear this song again, despite it supposedly being in the musical
I am going to be honest I much preferred Sharpay’s version
“Maybe we’re being filmed…right now!”
WE ARE WATCHING THE FOOTAGE
HOW DO THEY KNOW
“I’ve already picked out my colours”
She’s done her own music and wardrobe
Haha she’s actually going to do really well once she leaves High School
Like those are genuinely useful skills
(unlike math or basketball, I hate to say)
I kind of regret majoring in Mathketball
I love this song
FETCH THE LYNCHING TREE
Oh I have seen a parody of this!
It’s so close to being satire I find it hard to imagine a parody
This is a conformity song
“something strange is stirring” – is it puberty?
Where the heck does this kid play the cello that his friends don’t know about it?
Some kind of extra-curricular orchestra?
SECRET extra-curricular orchestra
Out of town, cover of darkness sort of thing
This film honestly has some of the least interesting choreography I’ve ever seen
HA! Creme brulee guy brought some with him to school
I had friends who baked in High School
it’s frequently awesome
I would be all over my friends baking
“I can’t have people staring at me” Why did you audition?
What was the plan here, Vudgens?
They seemed totally fine during karaoke
Look, it’s a play of two people
There’s going to be 6 people in the audience tops
oh wow, Sharpay bullshits fast
“She did it on purpose!”
‘And so did the hockey team!’
I genuinely think that Sharpay is the most talented character in this show
If only she had a green hat
Some day, Sharpay
“ZEKE IS BAKING”
“SHUT UP ZEKE”
Zeke is possibly my favourite
Zefron is down with baking
Sharpay should just run her own freaking musical.
I really don’t understand why she needs anyone else.
She needs underlings
She’s talented, determined, hard-working and quick on her feet.
Mark my words, in ten years time, she’ll have gone the furthest in life.
But will she have ever won the big game?
I would enjoy this Coach/singing teacher showdown much more with Will Schuester and Jane Lynch
I want a nightmare sequence where Darbus is surrounded by sports and cell phones
“Did you ever feel like there’s this whole other person inside of you just waiting to come out?”
…is she pregnant?
Zeke, you can’t just shout about baking
You must produce baked goods
That is how to win someone over
Zeke’s head is clearly not in the game
He should rectify that
I think Sharpay is my favourite character
No wait I forgot Zeke
I hope Zeke and Sharpay end up together
They just spoke, so it might actually be a possibility
They are clearly the best.
The rest are so sickly-sweet
I can’t name a single other character
Zefron and Vudgens have literally NOTHING stopping them from getting together
Just bone, guys
Just do it
They’re like 15!
THEN WHY WAS SHE GIVING HIM A HANDJOB, ELIZABETH
I DON’T RECALL THIS HAPPENING
“Sometimes I don’t want to be the basketball guy” what, you’d want to be the baker guy?
Is baking even a hobby?
you’ve gotta eat
You also gotta play hockey
Doesn’t mean it’s not a hobby
I guess the one-hobby rule would explain why everyone freaked out about the baking and the hip-hop
Haha, you are catching on
Oh man in the sequel someone moves to town who has THREE hobbies
And even the previously-freaky “two hobby” characters can’t cope with it
‘Hang on what’
‘You play guitar AND you knit AND you watch the soccer?’
Man this chick is good at piano.
She’s able to play a background violin and choir as well
That’s some mad skillz
Fuck Culkin has swagger
Yeah Culkin is pretty great too
look at that fucking hat
Why would you practice in a public bathroom?
Haha Sharpay is delightful
She kicked one door in and gave up
Oh wait, Culkin and Sharpay are siblings?
Why not both?
This isn’t Game of Thrones, Peter
But not THAT family-friendly
Wait was Vudgens just hiding…next to a wall
The best of hiding places
Fuck these characters are awful at hiding
Sharpay just walked straight towards that wall and didn’t see her?
JUST BECAUSE THE CAMERA CAN’T SEE doesn’t mean the CHARACTERS can’t see
She was really close to the wall
I dunno what happened there with my capitalisation
I abandoned the shouting halfway through
THeSE things are hard
The rage comes and goes
That’s my memory of the film
Hang on Vudgens has THREE hobbies!?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
STICK WITH THE STATUS QUO
HOW DOES SHE FIT IT ALL IN?
NO WONDER SHE HAS NO TIME FOR DATING
This coach is really controlling
Further evidence of abuse
When you only have one hobby, you have to take it really seriously
I mean Zefron your Dad has a point – you seem to be running rehearsals
Jesus Christ that wasn’t even a joke I legitimately typed “rehearsals” again
He looks like he’s going to cry
“You’re gonna end up in our refrigerator”
what a thinly veiled threat
Teacher stop glaring at them you are a teacher.
Ask them to leave.
YOU HAVE THAT POWER
They are the popular kids
No teacher has that much power
Darbus tried and look where that has gotten us?
Oh my god I love the Sharpay siblings
Their fashion is stupendous
Especially in the hat department
“Can’t tell the difference between a Tony award and Tony Hawk”
WHY WON’T THIS TROPHY TEACH ME TO SKATE
Oh my god
I want a nickname that everyone claps after
this is a cult
this is just a cult
No look I am actually on their side
They voted him in and he accepted the role of team captain
That’s got responsibilities and he should really stick with it
He missed one rehearsal
In three years
Right before an important game!
I think the real problem is the faculty won’t communicate and arrange their schedules
And possibly the basketball teach has too many practices
It’s hard to tell
The other thing is that these scholarships? Actually a HUGE deal
It’s the difference between $120 000 worth of student debt/parents money
And free college
So the real villain in this film is the American educational system?
collaborating with the jocks to set up the camera
I’m actually impressed with that ploy
I was briefly wondering why they couldn’t just do what Spider-Man did and keep the High School Musical movies going after they graduate
it’s uh, quite actively in the title
One season of “The Office” takes place entirely underwater
There’s no office at all
I loved that season!
“I thought you were my fairy tale” is quite a bold claim after some mild flirting
Oh man Vudgens is awful at cry-acting
Yeah look I have really gone off Vudgens.
Her acting is about as bad as her dancing.
But at least she knows 16 over pi is nonsense
Oh my god why is there a huge banner of them on the wall
THAT is creepy
This school is just a set of cults, Peter
that is why
Friday Night Lights is all about creepiness of a school being over-obsessed with a sports team and even they don’t go that far
I suspect schemes are afoot
That is what their blatant scheming would suggest
Hang on I’m really confused about Sharpay (who has been off-screen for way too long)
Her unclear motivation has become even more confusing
What are her feelings towards Zefron at this point in time?
She just wants the lead in the musical
And briefly thought it might be advantageous dating him/possibly replacing her brother?
In the shows
Not in the dating
She is not dating her brother
That we know of
I thought she was for a while
NEXT WEEK, on Game of Thrones
God the nerd friends are horrible
I mean I get that they’re redeeming themselves now
But just to organise that in the first place is so so awful
Look, they have a shot of getting to the Decathalon
They had to take it
Vudgens is just drawing chemicals
…maybe ‘decathalon’ is code?
Maybe they run a meth lab?
SIXTEEN OVER PI? ARE YOU A FREAKING MORON
Who knocks on a door and then turns around?
The mother is now smitten also
by his boyish good looks and charm
I feel like the mum was just standing directly next to the door, waiting for him to knock
’Maybe tonight will be the night!’
‘Maybe someone will come to visit me at last?’
Wait, did he go into her backyard?
This is a bit Grease-like
This film is just Grease and Glee thrown into a blender
That would explain the different fashion styles
“I brought you something.”
‘It’s Zeke’s baking!’
How did he climb that
with his phone in his hand
and his head in the game
Without ever losing his breath
What happens off camera stays off camera
Can the mum not hear this?
She’s waiting at the front door, presumably
Oh this is how one smart kid makes them win the decatholon
She teaches them all to be smart too
(Handy tip: being smart ≠ being good at teaching!)
Okay like when the faculty is organising the rehearsals it makes sense that they clash
But now they’re scheduling their own damn rehearsals
At the time that they’ve already booked decathalon rehearsals and sports rehearsals
Oh man does Sharpay have the ability to arrange interschool decathalons and basketball games?
She really is incredible
This film has such good hiders
Did you see piano lady disappear?
I think because she’s not important Sharpay just doesn’t notice her
At last her social invisibility has given her hiding powers
‘I got a callback and then organised it so that literally half of the people can’t be there’
‘Nyeh nyeh nyeh’
So hang on is the idea that the Game and Decathalon were already at the same time?
I think so
One hobby per student makes scheduling really easy
THEY MADE A PI PIE
Okay THAT is is nerd culture done right
Pffft, a real nerd would have gotten a Tau Towel
What on earth are these squishy balls that they’re throwing?
Why do they exist and why do they have so many of them?
Soft basketballs to represent the softening of their hearts?
This cheer team is actually pretty good. Probably the best choreography of the film so far.
How was there not a cheerleader subplot in this film?
I was secretly a little bit hopeful that the nerds’ equation would work and cause them to win the game
Aww, equation to win the game would be great!
Is one of them in a karate robe?
HA! They’re literally called East High School and West High School
Oh my god Sharpay and Culkin are the absolute best
I really hope they get the part!
OH MY GOD CULKIN YOU ARE THE BEST
THIS DANCE SEQUENCE IS AMAZING
I LOVE THIS SO MUCH
Sharpay is wearing a mullet dress
THAT IS THE BEST DESCRIPTION FOR THAT DRESS STYLE
They clearly picked the wrong people to be the heroes of this film
I genuinely think that might be why Rachel is the main character of Glee
they realised how fun that story can be
Plus in Glee they bothered to give the romance some tension
It’s definitely the more interesting way to go
Oh my god I actually love this dance
This is also the best choreography of the film
DON’T CUT AWAY
I don’t want to see hockey!!
I wanna see dancing!
And bopping to the top!
I wish the game was dancing
and also the decathalon
Wee! Back to dancing!
Oh my god what
Are they sending through a bomb threat??
are they hacking something?
What are they hacking?
They’re hacking the scoreboard
They are totally hacking the scoreboard
Because it is of course connected to the internet
‘Was no-one keeping track?’
There’s 7 minutes to go! Just let them finish!
Oh man this is actually a really horrible thing to do
They are sabotaging so many things
And super illegal
Illegal on several different levels
dude don’t leave the laptop
that shit’s expensive
It was a burner laptop
Back to the song!!
“Stomp stomp stomp, do the romp” is the best
I might have to get the soundtrack just for this song
“The theatre waits for no-one”
‘and also I booked it to co-incide with many other things’
‘So you literally couldn’t participate’
‘cuz fuck you’
Seriously? Destroying two inter-school competitive events was easier than delaying the rehearsal through a similar hacking technique?
Why did she even give them a callback?
She obviously liked them
But now she’s very actively fucking them over
Why did she think there was no pianist?
Is that girl actually invisible?
This “stage fright” plotline is so awfully done
‘I am nervous but not enough to actually present an issue in any way I just mention it sporadically and it affects the plot in no other way’
It’s part of her charm
She’s in a musical, so she can’t be clumsy
If they get it based on how much the audience dug it that’s totally unfair
Sharpay’s dance was 100x better and the audience would have gone freaking nuts for it
Hey, Darbus needs to sell seats
This is show biz
Not high school
Also their choreography is awwwwfuullll.
They’re just swaying.
Sharpay had a whole dance number properly choreographed!
Yeah, but did you see how many times Vudgens twirled just now
It was a lot of times!
And also Darbus does not appear to actually know anything about dancing
Why the crap is Vudgen’s mum there?
Honestly, and I’m not just saying this because I liked the characters:
Sharpay 100 000% deserves the role.
Their song was better-performed in every possible way
They’re going back to the game??
Now Darbus loves basketball?
Oh Jesus everyone is just winning everything
“We won the decathalon!” they don’t even get a scene for it
aaaaand now they’ve paired off two side characters
Why is Sharpay now nice?
Is this a fever dream?
what the fuck just happened
Whaaaaat happened to this movie
This is the most ridiculously-neat ending since Dexter season 5
Don’t steal her hat and throw it
NOT THE HAT
THE PIANIST WAS PRETTY AFTER ALL
I feel uncomfortable with pianist’s happy ending requiring her to wear less clothing
Darbus: ‘Your father and I are getting married!’
‘Also I now LOVE cell phones!’
Father: ‘I’m going to stop beating you and the rest of the team!’
Haha Culkin’s end-dancing is amazing
Culkin is all
‘Happens so fast’
Sharpay: “We were right because we stuck together.”
Well I mean
You specifically didn’t
You very explicitly tried to betray them
Yeah, but they were all in the one plot
Just on different sides
I think Sharpay and Ryan started doing flash mobs instead of the play
I would watch that movie
Holy crap this school’s marching band has a lot of drummers
It’s like 90% drummers
Yeah, one hobby each, pick quickly or you are on drums
Hey have Zefron and Vudgens actually gotten together?
They didn’t even kiss!
All we got was the handjob at the beginning!
They nearly kissed earlier!
who are we supposed to care about
what was the character arc of anyone other than Zefron?
The whole film was filmed in and funded by Utah
That explains a BUNCH
Don’t throw Zeke’s cookies away!!
‘These cookies are amazing! They throw so easily!’
SHARPAY AND ZEKE
OH MY GOD WE TOTALLY CALLED THAT
Camera smile! Best!
that was a thing
Okay well the acting was mostly terrible, the script was silly but not quite silly enough, and it had the most boring choreography I’ve ever seen in a musical
But I actually still quite liked that
According to wikipedia this film was a “modern adaptation of Romeo and Juliet”
No, it absolutely isn’t
Were there any subplots in this film?
Like, Zeke almost got a baking subplot
Darbus vs the cell phones?
THEY ACTUALLY FILMED IT IN A PLACE CALLED “EAST HIGH SCHOOL”
It’s so close to being a satire
I’m… actually interested in seeing the sequel sometime
Zeke was great, Sharpay was super fun (despite incorrectly being the villain and then inexplicably becoming a good guy at the end?)
About 30% of the songs were pretty fun, which is actually not too bad for a musical
And Culkin just rocked every scene he was in
I’m going to go with a 7/10 if you enter with lowwww expectations (like I did)
And a 4/10 if you go in expecting a 7/10
What’d you guys think?
I think it’s just silly enough to be okay
I’m not sure
I enjoyed it
I’m glad I watched it
But they picked the wrong main characters
THERE IS A SEQUEL CALLED SHARPAY’S FABULOUS ADVENTURE
About her trying to get onto broadway after high school
OH MY GOD YES