Lost, Season 1: Episodes 7-9

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In 2009, Peter watched through the first five seasons of Lost for the first time, live-tweeting all thoughts as he had them. Nicknames were created, awards were invented and dispensed, and predictions were made. If you’ve never seen Lost (or even if it’s been a while), these may not make much sense.
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Lost
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[[Episode 7]]
Peter:
Next episode! This one had better include a polar bear, an explosion, or (ideally) an exploding polar bear.
Peter:
And this episode has absolutely no “previously on…”. Also, started with a closeup of the guitar, not of an eye.
Peter:
If it’s one episode per day, then this is episode 8.
Peter:
I’ve long had a theory that every show needs a character who can be an absolute arse if needed, who can say anything.
Peter:
How I Met Your Mother has Barney, Friends has Phoebe, Seinfeld has…well, pretty much everyone.
Peter:
Lost has Sawyer.
Peter:
Charlie’s winning my award for “Best Confession ever” here.
Peter:
“Father, forgive me, for I have sinned. I had relations with a girl…then I had relations with another girl. Then I watched, while they had relations with each other.”
Peter:
They haven’t introduced any mysteries for an episode or two, but they haven’t really solved much either.
Peter:
Kate’s scar looks like morse code.
Peter:
So it’s looking like every character’s going to have a mysterious past. I’m most interested to see Hurley’s. He ran away from the circus?
Peter:
Wooooah. Earthquake?
Peter:
Theories on Hurley’s past:
Peter:
-He was kicked out of a motorbike gang.
Peter:
-He’s secretly a European prince.
Peter:
-He was born on the internet.
Peter:
Hot Bitchy Girl hasn’t been in it in a while, now she’s being left in charge of the important switch-flipping task. Bad move!
Peter:
It’s like Charlie’s character realised he was mostly light comic relief, and got pissed off about it.
Peter:
Also: Charlie’s band sucks. What is this music, from the sixties?
Peter:
I like sixties music, but I can’t see this being a famous band in 2003.
Peter:
…or whatever year this show is set.
Peter:
Charlie is one angry angry man.
Peter:
There needs to be a word for “little brother syndrome”.
Peter:
Black Father is excellent at organising people. Don’t bother digging Jack out, just take charge yourself.
Peter:
Oh Mr Locke, your metaphors are almost as cool as you are.
Peter:
Prediction: the signal is coming from Mr Locke. He is a robot. A robot fueled by sheer awesome power.
Peter:
Oh god. There’s an episode of Sesame St with a tiny bird who is sad because he’s so small. I think he was mates with Big Bird.
Peter:
Big Bird could reach stuff on the higher shelves, but the tiny bird didn’t have any useful skills. Until one day, someone dropped a coin into a tiny hole, and only the tiny bird was small enough to get it!
Peter:
This episode of Lost has almost the exact same plot.
Peter:
Least likeable character: Charlie’s brother.
Peter:
Most likeable: Still Locke.
Peter:
Most intriguing: Charlie. Can’t work out where he’s coming from.
Peter:
All these characters have essentially the same backstory: Someone in their past was a dick, and they wanted to get away from that person.
Peter:
Sun’s story stands out, because she brought the dick with her to the island.
Peter:
No polar bears or explosions so far, but there was a dislocated shoulder, which gets some definite man-points.
Peter:
Wasn’t sure if this flashback was set before or after the other one. Either Charlie destroyed his brother’s ideal life, or Liam created his life after kicking the drug habit.
Peter:
Liam is the brother. I like his story arc quite a lot, especially since he ended up in Sydney.
Peter:
Charlie and Jack should just run off, so that when everyone digs into the tunnel, they’ve mysteriously disappeared.
Peter:
ANOTHER MYSTERY.
Peter:
This episode is a bit formulaic.
Peter:
‘Charlie feels underappreciated! Oh no Jack’s trapped! Oh yay, Charlie saves the day!’
Peter:
Way too kid’s show.
Peter:
Admittedly, the B-plot made up for it. ‘Oh no, the unreliable people have been left with important tasks. How will they screw up?’
Peter:
‘Oh, they’re doing their tasks.’
Peter:
I wasn’t expecting
Peter:
a) Them to do their jobs, and
Peter:
b) Someone to hit the electrician with a big stick.
Peter:
No one ever sees the big stick coming.
Peter:
Charlie, don’t get the drugs back! They’re just going to run out in a few days anyway, and you’ll have to detox all over again.
Peter:
Oh. He threw them in the fire. Rock on.
Peter:
Episode end. My housemates want the TV, to watch some show called “The Simpsons”. Why are these people yellow?
Peter:
ANOTHER MYSTERY.
Peter:
[[Episode 8]]
Peter:
Naked Sawyer. I don’t think we’ve had naked Sawyer before.
Peter:
Oooh! This episode is about Sawyer’s past. What are they going to do when they run out of pasts to talk about? (start answering questions?)
Peter:
Ah, suitcases full of cash. Not as good as polar bears or explosions, but pretty damned close.
Peter:
One day Jack’s going to run out of medical supplies. Then he’ll be buggered.
Peter:
He’ll have to rob Ariel, disguised as an ambo.
Peter:
Pasts I’m most curious to see:
Peter:
-Shannon (Hot Bitchy Female)
Peter:
-Hurley (just for the lolz)
Peter:
-Cruel Asian Husband
Peter:
Pasts I’m least curious to see:
Peter:
-Pregnant Aussie Female
Peter:
-Hot Bitchy Female’s Brother
Peter:
-Black Father
Peter:
-Walt (Black Father’s Son)
Peter:
In the words of my housemate, “Oh that irrepressible Sawyer!”
Peter:
Sleeping with another man’s wife, making dodgy oil deals…
Peter:
“Nobody’s that disgusting.” Awww, he just wants a kiss! Give him a kiss. He’s like a hot evil teddy-bear.
Peter:
“Read it. Out loud.” Convenient.
Peter:
I wish every time any character in a show/movie was handed a note, it was accompanied by that line.
Peter:
Who bashed the electrician in the back of the head?
Peter:
ANOTHER MYSTERY.
Peter:
My guess: Mr Locke. Just because I’ve liked him so much so far, and he has a hard-on for the island.
Peter:
Least likely:
Peter:
-Walt (the kid),
Peter:
-Sun (Asian wife),
Peter:
-Sawyer
Peter:
-Asian Husband (too obvious).
Peter:
Oh man, Sawyer is offering for his girlfriend to hold onto the money overnight.
Peter:
THIS WILL NOT END WELL.
Peter:
“I’m the only Australian who loves peanut-butter.”
Peter:
Um, what? I’ve never known an Australian who DIDN’T love peanut-butter.
Peter:
Speaking of weird pregnancy food cravings, my mum knew someone who craved chalk.
Peter:
Chalk!
Peter:
Effective ways of making dislikeable characters likeable:
Peter:
-they adopt a puppy
Peter:
-show a moment of weakness
Peter:
-show someone we like liking them
Peter:
Right now they’re showing Hot Bitchy Girl in a moment of weakness. Effective. Makes us like her more.
Peter:
Also, a lot of characters we like are helping her.
Peter:
Now all she needs to do is adopt a puppy.
Peter:
I’m curious to see if Hurley will indeed get a lot thinner throughout the course of the show.
Peter:
I’m not entirely comfortable with these characters torturing Sawyer. I don’t think he has the asthma puffers, he would surely have shared them before now.
Peter:
Blech, discussion of bamboo torture always makes my fingernails itch.
Peter:
“Perhaps losing an eye will loosen your tongue.” And yet he’s still negotiating terms. Go Sawyer!
Peter:
“Being tortured” definitely counts as a moment of weakness, but we all already like Sawyer.
Peter:
Oh, Sawyer’s a con-man. That is an extraordinarily logical twist. Explains a lot about his character. Well played!
Peter:
Asking for a kiss is a classy move.
Peter:
Asking for a blowjob, definitely not.
Peter:
No, I didn’t think he had the medicine. He’s not a murderer.
Peter:
Prediction: Sawyer not only survives being stabbed in the arm, but gets a new, robotic arm and is twice as cool as before.
Peter:
Prediction: Iraqi Electrician feels so guilty about stabbing Sawyer that he agrees to be his butler for a week.
Peter:
Prediction: Kate falls in love with his old arm, and after it’s cut off, moves in with it.
Peter:
Sawyer’s mark (the wife) looks really familiar. To IMDb!
Peter:
IMDb did not help at all, though it did inform me that Cruel Asian Husband’s name is “Jin”.
Peter:
Disc is screwing up again. No idea what’s happening in this scene. Sawyer and Kate are talking about..something. The letter?
Peter:
“You want people to hate you”
Peter:
“I got a husband and wife to give me money when I was 19.”
Peter:
That’s all I’ve understood so far.
Peter:
Hopefully this scene isn’t anything important.
Peter:
Kate: ‘I am a polar bear.’
Peter:
Sawyer: ‘This island is from a John Wyndham novel.’
Peter:
Oh good, working again.
Peter:
Sawyer: “Get out!!”
Peter:
I wonder why he’s so angry. Maybe he’s a polar bear bigot.
Peter:
Why would Sun, the daughter of a rich man, know how to concoct potions? Is it simply because she’s Asian?
Peter:
Charlie, I don’t think the powers of imagination help pregnant women with cravings. You are useless.
Peter:
Finally, someone is mapping out the island! He might get halfway around and find an entire village.
Peter:
Maybe “The Others”?
Peter:
Does Eucalyptus genuinely help with asthma? I’ve not heard of that before.
Peter:
Relationship predictions:
Peter:
-Kate sleeps with Jack before the end of the first season.
Peter:
-Sun leaves Jin for Black Father.
Peter:
-Walt loses his virginity to Pregnant Aussie, and then (18 years later) sleeps with her daughter.
Peter:
-Locke remains virgin forever.
Peter:
Most intriguing character: Kate (simply to see who she’ll sleep with)
Peter:
Most likeable: Sawyer, suddenly. (con men rock)
Peter:
Least likeable: Jin.
Peter:
Oh, that was the end of the episode. Next disc!
Peter:
[[Episode 9]]
Peter:
Okay! Season 1 episode 9 is go.
Peter:
Iraqi electrician is looking at the back of his wife’s photo, where there is some code.
Peter:
ANOTHER MYSTERY.
Peter:
Um, what? He has found a rope that goes from the jungle to the ocean.
Peter:
YET ANOTHER MYSTERY
Peter:
Sometimes, not very often, about once every few episodes, Jack gets a really nasal whiney voice.
Peter:
And now Iraqi electrician has found a trip-wire. This is not the most interesting mystery on the island, but it’s the most recent.
Peter:
Most interesting mystery: The 16 year-old French transmission OR the polar bears..
Peter:
Least interesting: Black Father’s name.
Peter:
Actually I could probably find Black Father’s name on IMDb. I haven’t even bothered. That is how uninteresting it is.
Peter:
I assumed the trip-wire was Mr Locke’s at first. But…holy crap, Iraqi Engineer’s being electrocuted!
Peter:
Oh, cool, we’re doing his past now.
Peter:
Not the most interesting, but nowhere near the least.
Peter:
“We already know the truth, just want you to admit it.”
Peter:
Is this standard interrogation technique? I can’t see it being super-effective.
Peter:
The Iraqi soldier hat makes all the difference.
Peter:
Without it – hot! With it – scary and evil.
Peter:
Rose (older woman whose husband died) wasn’t the woman who drowned a few episodes ago, was she? Haven’t seen her in a while.
Peter:
That is one mannish-looking woman.
Peter:
Holy crap, all kind of plot-development is happening in this episode! We have the woman who is sending out the distress call and everything!
Peter:
Why are all these Iraqis speaking English? Or…do Iraqis speak English? I feel completely culturally unaware.
Peter:
I’ve heard Iraqi Engineer’s name at least twenty time now, but I couldn’t tell you what it was.
Peter:
Salit? Sadi? Slareet? It eats up my 140 characters, but I’d rather type “Iraqi Soldier/Engineer” than get the name wrong.
Peter:
Old French Woman is completely insane. You’d think after 16 years alone, she’d welcome a bit of company.
Peter:
“You didn’t hear about the polar bears?”
Peter:
Finally! They haven’t even been MENTIONED since ep 2.
Peter:
Most intriguing character: Old French Woman.
Peter:
Most likeable: Hurley (so cute with his golf course)
Peter:
Least likeable: Old French Woman.
Peter:
She is creepy. I want to know her story, but she is also freaking the hell out of me.
Peter:
Prediction: Annoying hypochondriac’s rash (he was a close contender for least likeable) turns out to be a Mysterious Island Disease.
Peter:
Old French Woman’s name is Danielle.
Peter:
Oh! We’re about to hear her story. Before we do, my prediction: She was a submarine driver who got lost.
Peter:
Why does everyone have to be so damned cryptic? Ask me a question, I can answer without creating like 6 more mysteries.
Peter:
Ah ha, first mention of “The Others”.
Peter:
Don’t call her insane, Iraqi Electrician. I have read about them on the internet!
Peter:
This golf course B-plot is comedy gold. I’m surprised that there are still people on the beach. The Cave is clearly the place to be.
Peter:
The flashbacks are extraordinarily un-seamless in this episode.
Peter:
Seamful?
Peter:
“There’s no such thing as monsters.”
Peter:
Yet you spout on about ghosts and other nasties, Crazy Danielle. Get some consistency into you!
Peter:
Oh! Black Dad’s name is Michael. I think that means that all important characters have names now.
Peter:
Except I guess Iraqi Engineer.
Peter:
Woah, Mexican stand-off! Two minutes ago there weren’t ANY guns, now we have a Mexican stand-off! (can it be a Mexican stand-off with 2 people?)
Peter:
“Say-eed”?? Can’t get this damned name. Whatever he’s called, his backstory is awesome. (if a little badly integrated)
Peter:
Oh, good twist. Crazy Danielle was the one who killed all her vessel-mates. She really is a nutter.
Peter:
I really hope the sickness that all the vessel-mates got is somehow related to the rash from earlier.
Peter:
(I say “vessel-mates” because I was typing during her story, so didn’t catch what it was. Boat? Yacht? Submarine? Mechanical Polar Bear?)
Peter:
You get one last question and you ask “Who was Alex”?? Not, say, ‘Where are you getting electricity from?’ or ‘WHAT IS UP WITH THIS ISLAND?’
Peter:
Oh no. Please, please tell me that Iraqi Electrician makes it back to the rest of the cast.
Peter:
Oh, crap! Episode ended. Nice cliffhanger.
Peter:
[[Running tally:]]
Peter:
Most intriguing: Kate on 3. (6 characters on 1 – Mr Locke, Sayeed, Asian Wife, Jack, Charlie, Crazy Danielle.)
Peter:
Most likeable: Locke on 3 (Hurley on 2, 4 characters on 1 – Charlie, Ray, Jack, Sawyer)
Peter:
Least likeable: Cruel Asian Man (Jin) at 4 (4 on 1 – Locke’s Boss, Jack’s Dad, Charlie’s Brother, Shannon, Crazy Danielle)

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