Lost, Season 1: Episodes 4-6

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In 2009, Peter watched through the first five seasons of Lost for the first time, live-tweeting all thoughts as he had them. Nicknames were created, awards were invented and dispensed, and predictions were made. If you’ve never seen Lost (or even if it’s been a while), these may not make much sense.
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Lost
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[[Episode 4]]
Peter:
Who names their dog “Vincent” anyway?
Peter:
Someone’s tearing the plane apart. My guess: Charlie, searching for drugs.
Peter:
Holy crap, I was way off!
Peter:
Looked like polar bears.
Peter:
A tiny gang of polar bears.
Peter:
Mr Locke claims it was boars, but what does he know?
Peter:
They were clearly polar bears.
Peter:
Bears and boars are only a few letters off.
Peter:
Maybe they were polar boars.
Peter:
Jack wants to burn some dead bodies. I’m on board with this.
Peter:
I can only hope that they’ll then EXPLODE.
Peter:
“It appears you’re as anxious to get off this island as I am.”
Peter:
Nooo, she wants to stay here forever.
Peter:
What a stupid comment.
Peter:
Oh, excellent! The inevitable “we’re out of food” episode. I’ve been looking forward to this.
Peter:
Mr Locke is awesome.
Peter:
Oh man, BRILLIANT subversion. Anyone who’s seen the Colonel Locke phonecall will know what I’m talking about.
Peter:
Australian Pregnant Girl’s name is Claire
Peter:
Little Black Kid’s name is Walt.
Peter:
Bitchy Girl just got challenged to catch a fish. I predict wacky hijinks and eventual success.
Peter:
Bitchy Girl’s name is Shannon.
Peter:
Looks like she’s going to convince Charlie to catch the fish for her. Wacky hijinks!
Peter:
Jack is learning that being the hot heroic doctor means people want you to do the awkward emotional things.
Peter:
Humans: 0, Boar: 1.
Peter:
Polar Bears: 1000.
Peter:
I assume Locke’s boss won’t be recurring, else he’d be an easy lock for Least likeable.
Peter:
Two idiots are wrestling with a sharp stick. Surely someone will have been accidentally stabbed by the end of the episode.
Peter:
I wonder if everyone will have a beard by the end of the season, or if they’ll conveniently find some razors.
Peter:
Old Black Woman’s husband’s been dead 4 days, and already she’s hitting on Jack.
Peter:
Woah, Mr Locke is a lot more of a loser than I expected. Lost seems to be all about setting up a cool character, then making them suck.
Peter:
It can be really tricky to tell the difference between the dramatic music, and the in-show sound-effects.
Peter:
Old Black Lady is called “Rose”. She is not only not contributing to the food-hunt, but she’s taking up Jack’s time as well.
Peter:
She also seems to be insane.
Peter:
“My husband is not dead.”
Peter:
‘Uh, yes he is.’
Peter:
‘Well that’s what HE probably thinks about YOUR FACE.’
Peter:
They’ve done the ole “See someone then look away and when you look back he’s GONE” trick. Doesn’t quite sit right.
Peter:
My theories on what the big beast is:
Peter:
-The Queen Polar Bear.
Peter:
-King Kong.
Peter:
-The Spirit of the Forest.
Peter:
-A Dinosaur.
Peter:
-A Land-whale.
Peter:
Hey, Locke caught a boar! Good on him.
Peter:
I’d forgotten how satisfying it was to see losers win. Well played, Lost.
Peter:
Wow. I was going to comment on the fact that Locke always looked at his feet when he woke up, but holy Brilliant Script-writing.
Peter:
That’s really impressed me. This is why I’ve avoided the show for so long – I knew it was going to start great, then rapidly deteriorate.
Peter:
At the end of the first disc,
Peter:
Most Intriguing Character: Asian Wife.
Peter:
Most Likeable: Mr Locke.
Peter:
Least Likeable: Locke’s boss?
Peter:
[[Episode 5]]
Peter:
Whoops. Accidentally put in Disc 7. The menu image was the mysterious door. Looks like that’s coming up some time this season!
Peter:
No characters are particularly intriguing or dislikeable at this point, but Asian Wife has gotten a lot of screen-time without doing much.
Peter:
So disc 2 starts with topless Jack saving someone’s life.
Peter:
I can see why this show appeals to the female demographic.
Peter:
Two people! Saving two people’s lives!
Peter:
I can’t work out if this show is high-budget or low-budget. On one hand, they only seem to have one set…
Peter:
…on the other hand, exploding polar bears.
Peter:
The disc started freezing up, but it conveniently only froze up during the “opening titles”. (the word “Lost” appearing on-screen.)
Peter:
Crap! It’s happening again!
Peter:
Stop it, Lost! I just want to observe your mysteries and sexual tension unfold.
Peter:
Okay, that time Jack didn’t even look away between first seeing the man and him disappearing. He didn’t even blink.
Peter:
I hope this hairbrush shortage directly relates to the plane crash.
Peter:
‘Damn it, man, how are we supposed to avoid crashing if our hair isn’t perfectly brushed!?’
Peter:
Oh Aussie Pregnant Girl Whose Name I’ve Forgotten, I liked you a lot better before you started talking about astrology.
Peter:
Jack is not enjoying being the Queen Bee. Hopefully Lindsey Lohan will arrive on the island, discredit him, and take over. #meangirls
Peter:
Jack’s Dad wins this episode’s Least Likeable Character hands-down.
Peter:
One episode, it may even be a recurring character who takes that award.
Peter:
I assume Jack’s mystery hallucination man is his father. I really hope it’s something more interesting than that though.
Peter:
Oh wow, it was his father. Who saw that coming? Boo, Lost. You’re better than this, you know you are.
Peter:
So is that one boar meant to have lasted these 47 people several days?
Peter:
Ooh, someone stole the water. It’s a mystery! Detective Locke to the rescue.
Peter:
I love how many Australians there are in this show.
Peter:
Haha, an Australian $50 note. Cue millions of Americans scratching their heads, wondering what those yellow pieces of paper were.
Peter:
Jack is rolling down a hill. I hope he doesn’t break his crown.
Peter:
He is now hanging off the edge of a cliff. They cut to an ad break on that, a literal cliff-hanger.
Peter:
You can tell this show was written by Americans. In real life, the Brits and Aussies would have bonded minutes after the crash.
Peter:
I quite like Sawyer’s habit of giving everyone nicknames.
Peter:
Housemate just said that I looked unimpressed. I’m enjoying Lost, but I’m just so prepared for it to go severely downhill.
Peter:
Blech. The show’s getting into some murky grounds here. “Everything that happens happens for a reason. It’s a magical place.”
Peter:
I have no problem with magical realism, but you can’t just throw it in in the 5th episode.
Peter:
Pick a tone from the start, like Life On Mars.
Peter:
Sure there were Polar Bears in the jungle, but they were flesh-and-blood Polar Bears, not whimsical imagination Polar Bears.
Peter:
Everyone keeps talking about how they’ve been waiting for sooo long.
Peter:
It’s been 6 days! How fast are these rescue services normally??
Peter:
Oh excellent, Jack’s organising the survivors.
Peter:
I like forced societies. Interesting stuff.
Peter:
Jack wins Most likeable AND Most intriguing at this point, but this episode didn’t really have many other characters in it.
Peter:
Locke still rocks
Peter:
[[Episode 6]]
Peter:
I hate DVDs that have “Previously on…” – it tells you too much about what the episode’s going to be about.
Peter:
I don’t care what the show is, 1 minute 30 of “Previously on” is too much.
Peter:
Just noticed. Does every episode start with an eye opening?
Peter:
Haha, Locke shaves with one of his knives.
Peter:
Charlie’s being a tosser this episode. I like him better as light-hearted comic relief.
Peter:
It appears that Asian Wife is a socialite, and Cruel Asian Husband is a lowly serving boy, but I’m expecting subversion any second
Peter:
Stupid subtitled scenes. I can’t tweet and read at the same time!
Peter:
Asian Wife’s name is Sun. Still no name for Cruel Asian Husband.
Peter:
Cruel Asian Husband is beating the crap out of Black Father. Indian Guy and Caucasian Wanker to the rescue!
Peter:
Mysteries so far:
Peter:
-The monster
Peter:
-Cause of the plane crash
Peter:
-French Radio message
Peter:
-Jack’s Dad’s body
Peter:
-Kate’s past
Peter:
-Black Father’s name
Peter:
-Why there was a Polar Bear in the middle of the jungle. (my favourite mystery so far)
Peter:
Cruel Asian Husband is extremely likeable in these flashbacks. Something must happen to turn him cruel. Family killed by polar bears?
Peter:
Charlie is covered in bees!! (that only really works if you say it in Eddie Izzard’s accent)
Peter:
Oooh, an old old body.
Peter:
Also: Jack and Kate have been “forced” to take their clothes off. Soon they’ll be “forced” to make out.
Peter:
The bodies have been here for 40 or 50 years. Must be unrelated to the 16 year-ago radio signal.
Peter:
ANOTHER MYSTERY
Peter:
It occurs to me that nothing has exploded since the first episode. Writers, get onto that.
Peter:
Also, haven’t had any polar bears in aaaaages.
Peter:
At least the show’s fulfilling its half-naked woman quota.
Peter:
Oh, I see. Cruel Asian Man became a workaholic. We have a workaholic, a drug addict…I had hopes that Jack would be an alcoholic, but no go.
Peter:
“Adam and Eve knew they could survive here.”
Peter:
Then how come they’re dead, Jack? Think it through!
Peter:
“When’s my birthday?”
Peter:
“August 21st. When’s mine?”
Peter:
BURNNNN. You totally shut your son down, man!
Peter:
Oooh, Cruel Asian Husband is covered in blood. Assassin? Thug? Ninja?
Peter:
And just like that, Cruel Asian Husband is cruel. Not the most satisfying backstory. I preferred the one with the one-armed Aussie farmer.
Peter:
Jack’s worried about convincing people to move to the cave. Screw that. Just say “I’m going to be in the cave with the water”, they’ll follow.
Peter:
Mr Locke called Charlie “Johnny” and neither character acknowledged it as strange in any way.
Peter:
…hang on, Locke’s name is Johnny. John Locke. Error on writer’s part, character quirk, or some kind of foreshadowing?
Peter:
Grrr. They’re splitting into two groups. Pro-cave, pro-beach…what a pointless schism. Makes sense though.
Peter:
Oooh, Asian Wife was planning to run away. Nice bit of backstory. Much better than the simple “He was mean.” plot they had going.
Peter:
Holy crap she speaks English!
Peter:
I want Asian Wife (“Sun”) to seduce Black Father. There’s some sexual tension sparking there, let’s get it aflame!
Peter:
Okay, Locke’s “The Island is a benevolent being” thing is starting to grow on me.
Peter:
Most intriguing character: Kate.
Peter:
Most likeable: Locke.
Peter:
Least likeable: Cruel Asian Husband.
Peter:
Kate’s being so lovely and mysterious this ep.
Peter:
Sun voluntarily decided not to run. This character is really nicely layered. Well worth the six episodes of “not doing much”.
Peter:
So what’d they do with the bodies before they moved into the cave? Burn them? Leave them for the boars to snack on? Throw them in the sea?
Peter:
Hurley’s discman battery is lasting quite a while.
Peter:
[[Running tally:]]
Peter:
Most intriguing: Kate on 2. (with 4 other characters on 1 – Mr Locke, Sayeed, Asian Wife, Jack.)
Peter:
Most likeable: Locke on 2 (with 4 other characters on 1 – Charlie, Hurley, Ray, Jack)
Peter:
Least likeable: Cruel Asian Man (Jin) at 3 (3 others on 1 – Locke’s Boss, Jack’s Dad, Shannon)