Zefrank is narrating like a true facts video
No! It’s Picard!
All I know of this film: The super bro-team of Picard and Gandalf are enemies
oh also Gandalf was in a concentration camp
Which would explain this Poland 1944 scene
Dang WWII scenes are depressing
WWII was stupid
who thought that would be a good idea?
Gandalf has magnet hands
I wonder if that’ll be important
Not sure – is the one ring magnetic?
So, I’m fairly sure that Gandalf is the villain of the film
But so far he’s pretty sympathetic
He keeps trying to save Middle-earth
He’s not a very good villain.
I get so excited when people mention Alaska
they don’t get as much attention as they deserve
These random teens: Not as interesting as WWII guy!
In all fairness that is quite an ask of a random team
World War II was pretty interesting
This is the creepiest kiss I’ve ever seen
JUST GOT CREEPIER
HE’S ALL VEINY
She kills anyone she touches
I think I’ve heard of this
Is it glandular fever?
Aka the kissing disease?
I’m suspicious of this evolution talk
It is rare that big films discussing evolution ends well
“Are mutants dangerous” what the fuck kind of country is this
Licence to Live
Like the anti-Bond
“What are they hiding that they can’t show themselves” You are CURRENTLY THREATENING THEM
They are hiding FROM YOU
YOU, WHO IS CURRENTLY THREATENING THEM
This scene is stupid
what the fuck, America
It’s stupid but not that unrealistic
I mean, even corporations have to be registered
and they have more rights than some citizens
Jesus christ America
Picard! Time to save the day!
The team is all here!
You can save twice as many days together!
Few people know this
“Mankind has evolved into us”
If Patrick Stewart and Sir Ian McKellan are the future of evolution, I’m in
N’aww, “I will bring you hope old friend”
How is he the villain?
He’s so nice!
I hope that the kill-touch-girl is named Poison Ivy
that would be appropriate
DC might have something to say about it though
I think she’s Rogue
‘You can’t confine me to walls!’
Please let that be Hugh Jackman
I need this
Who else is going to be topless in this film?
Man, he’s getting a beatdown
THAT LOOKED SO PAINFUL
Jean Valjean, I love you so much
I mean, there’s nothing in this life we share
You can see how he got sentenced to hard labour
For stealing some bread?
For beating a man senseless
What even is that facial hair
guys what is this
His hairstyle is also fabulous
“The largest single gathering of history. Over 200 world leaders” The G200?
Haha, he’s figured out he’s a mutant
Cage fighting: more dangerous than you might think
Hugh Jackman is a winner
HE JUST CUT A GUN IN HALF
Gun control? Just send in the wolverine.
He should totally be the anti-gun mascot
Is he a redneck?
The facial hair, cigar, winnebago
I think he might be a redneck
Hugh Jackman I trusted you
I trusted you to not be a redneck
haha, Rogue hitched a ride
and he’s totally suss
“You don’t know or you don’t care”
‘naw, he actually gave her some food
HJ, you’re back in my good books
you were correct
Man, she sucks at conversation
She’s kind of the likable awkward
Which is nice
“When they come out, does it hurt?”
Fuck you’re metal, Hugh Jackman
She said to wear a seatbelt and then they crashed into a tree
and now the car is on fire
that went south, fast
And that kids is why you always wear a seatbelt
Is she hurt?
HJ, save her!
And magical heal yourself?
I think so?
Oh right, his thing is healing factor
I knew that
So now HJ needs to save her without touching her and dying
DID THEY JUST GET ATTACKED BY A BEAR
THE BAD GUYS JUST ARRIVED
Or a… bearman?
Bear man with fabulous hair?
This music makes me think of Beauty and the Beast
Well that just exploded a lot
These explosions make me think of Beauty and the Beast
The action remake
This bear guy has the voice of a wolf
BOSS IAN MCKELLAN
I thought Sir Ian was dressed in a Star Trek uniform for a second
Gandalf seems to be pro-UN
So, the wolf wasn’t with Geordie LaForge?
Man, they didn’t even try to restrain him did they?
You can’t restrain Jean Valjean
Well you can
For 20 years
And then he becomes the mayor
Oh my goodness he is a titan of a man
Hugh Jackman, I’d let you Jean MY Valjean any day
Why is no-one chasing him?
Did she not alert the authorities?
She alerted the elevator
Hugh Jackman is an idiot
“This door opened? I’m in!
OH WAIT IT’S CLOSING I DIDN’T WANT THIS”
If you could hear Picard in your mind wouldn’t you follow his voice?
I don’t need him in my mind
I have him in my heart
Haha, hiding behind a pole
Nice work, Hugh Jackman
Hahaha, he burst dramatically into a classroom
“Good morning Logan”
Picard is the best
Oh, school for mutants
I love how Picard is just like, have all of the answers you want
no fussing around with being vague
It’s pretty great
NO HAND SHAKE FOR YOU, CYCLOPS
Picard knows how to roll
Haha, he’s in a wheelchair, nice one Xander
“What do they call you? Wheels?” Oh man I love him so much
‘Shut it, wheels’
Teleportation in basketball is just blatant cheating, surely
One of the kids was like, “hey! no powers!”
N’aww, this is such a sweet and wholesome looking school
Just wait until the sex gymnasium shows up
Muuuch less wholesome
Who freezes fire?
Is that possible?
Science nerds! Assemble!
Cyclops wears sunnies and is teaching the kids about motorcycles
He’s like a super greaser
They have stables!
They are, however, unstable
“We love you senator petrelli” What the fuck
Did this just become Heroes?
Actually that makes a lot of sense
I have never seen Heroes
But if it contains a topless Hugh Jackman, I will get on that immediately
Why are you declaring a war? They’ve done literally nothing
You’re not the senator’s friend
Is this the same blue woman as in Avatar?
Because that would be a pretty sweet crossover
Haha, copilot is all like “Blue lady? NOICE”
“Couldn’t wait to get my shirt off again” Wolverine you scamp
HJ, you are not allowed to wear shirts for extended periods of time
you know this
They surgically attached metal to his bones
That’s really clever
He’s not full of metal as part of his mutation, but his mutation allowed him to be experimented on
They also tried to surgically attach a shirt to his torso
Should have known that was never going to stick
He’s older than the professor! madness
“What do they want with him?”
He’s literally invincible. Isn’t that enough for you people?
He’s Hugh Jackman, isn’t that enough for anyone?
Characters who can’t die are so interesting
except that they’ve just killed Wolverine in the comics
You can’t kill Wolverine!
Well you can
But after 20 years he comes back
As Mayor of the underworld
The Brotherhood of Mutants
Can Ian McKellen please sing about them?
Being able to control metal is the best power
Being Hugh Jackman is better
Bad kissing is the worst power
Not that I would know
Look at all of the science
“Where’s’ your room?” He’s persistent at the hittin’ on
HJ just leave her alone
She’s not interested
Oh, he actually had a purpose for that
It wasn’t just random unwanted flirting
Why is the doctor babysitting him?
Why does Scott look so cool?
Scott is the Prince from Enchanted!
That’d be it
Scott is pretty cool
Scott IS cool!
I like this rivalry
Their entire exchange was great
I forgot about her
is she like, the main character?
I don’t think so
I think it’s more the adults
Don’t touch him, Rogue
he will die
Remember how your power is killing people you touch?
did he just kill her?
HE JUST STABBED HER
LIKE A LOT
DON’T RETRACT THE CLAWS
YOU SHOULD HAVE LEFT THEM IN
BASIC FIRST AID MAN
LEAVE THE CLAWS IN
Oh. She… stole his power?
Ohh, wait, I think her power is she can also absorb other people’s powers temporarily
At the cost of their life?
I think so
except that Hugh Jacky is invincible
Why does her nightie have a random patch of skin visible on her back? c’mon people
You die if you touch her
This is not hard
The villains are holding a villain captive
I’m pretty okay with this
WHAT JUST HAPPENED TO HIS FACE
IS HE A RUBBER MAN?
Oh! They mutated him
Guys, you turned him into a mutant and then you are surprised he gained powers and escaped
and now he’s a dead rubber man
Guess he’s not going to find the One Piece
I enjoy Scott’s dislike of Wolverine
And I love that Picard doesn’t hold information back
I hope they keep that up for all 7 films
The honesty is pretty refreshing
He seems to only respond to questions, but that’s fine
“Where’s my motorcycle” LOGAN STOLE A MOTORCYCLE
MOTORCYCLE HEIST: COMPLETED
Such a scamp
So, Bobby is definitely evil
Wolverine is totally a bro
Wolverine is such a bro
BOBBY HAS AN EVIL TWIN
DOUBLE THE BOBBY
DOUBLE THE FUN
It was Mystique!
I forgot about her
“The first boy I ever kissed ended up in a coma for three weeks” Oh, I thought he died
this is kind of a letdown
“TEEN SURVIVED. XANDER OUTRAGED”
yeah, I’m pretty sure he died and they didn’t tell her
If mutants have a special genetic signature, maybe that should be what they use to enter the top secret facilities instead of retinal scans
“He seems to generally want to help you” Haha
Logan is surprisingly lovely
‘naw, prince from Enchanted has a nice smile
It’s a requirement for being a prince
HE JUST EXPLODED THE ROOF
Wolfbear the peeps ain’t gonna scream if you cut off their air supply
aaaand Storm is dead?
Those glasses are not just for looking cool
That’s just a bonus?
Magneto can fly
Wolverine’s body is full of metal
AH SO PAINFUL
HE HAS FULL CONTROL OF WOLVERINE’S BONES
WHY SIR IAN MCKELLAN
Magneto is after Rogue!
Why wouldn’t you want Hugh Jackman?
He’s so great
She should touch him and then he would die and she would get sweet sweet powers
But also memories of the holocaust
Is that going to come up again?
I feel like there’s not many people watching X-Men for the holocaust scenes
haha, no guns for you
What is wolfbear doing?
Wolfbear and Frogman are not pleased with Magneto
He’s too theatrical for their tastes
Oh! They’re being mind controlled
Magneto wants to be besties with Xavier
Magneto is such an interesting villain
I like him so much
His lackeys are, well, lacking
But he is so cool
Man, I would totally watch 7 films of Magneto v. Xavier
Today, in fact
“Be an X-Man” first time the name has been dropped
or at least, almost dropped
“At least I’ve chosen a side”
NO TIME FOR THINKING, CHOOSE NOW
Hey senator villain
Picard is all over this
His cells are breaking down
Characters I like so far: Rogue, Wolverine, Xavier, Scott, Magneto
All the other characters haven’t really left an impression
He is leaking water
We call that “sweating”
Is that a mutant thing?
this is gross
He’s turning into the ocean
Senator Kelly, not Petrelli
Oh right they possibly killed Picard
I like Picard
I like him best when he’s alive
Scott’s smile: Still great
Scott is going to smile at Picard until he’s better
Yup, it paralyzed Picard
Jean, don’t use the machine that tried to kill Xavier!
That is Wolverine
you got confused
Then who adopts Cosette?
Well he had better step up his fathering game
So far not an ideal role-model
“Are you going to kill me?”
X-Men is all honesty, all the time
Honesty and topless Hugh Jackman
My two favourite things
I’d be annoyed at his evilness if Magneto wasn’t just so damn likable
Oh right, Magneto doesn’t know it kills
This 3D map thing is so fun
It’s so cool
“What would you prefer? Yellow spandex?” HA!
Do they wear yellow spandex in the comics?
Is that the joke?
…did Wolverine just check he still has claws?
Getting them through the gloves
Oh geez, because he heals the claws have to pierce the flesh every time
I only just got that
It’s a pretty ouchie power
They can cut through guns
How tough does he think the gloves are?
“You call that a landing? THIS is a landing”
she looks so scared
scared and sad
I love Wolverine and Scott sniping
Wolverine is hacker extraordinaire
HA! Rude finger claw
Scott v. Wolverine is my favourite
Things kinda suck for Rogue at the moment
Oh man, Mystique AGAIN
Haha, Wolverine v. Wolverine
They’ve focused on Wolfbear wayyy more than Mystique
it baffles me
Mystique is a million times more interesting
Wolverine v. Wolverine
Scott will have to identify which is real through his powers of pure hatred
The claws can cut through the claws!
oh, that was less of a problem than I imagined
the real claws win
Frogman is icky
Was that a bowling sound effect?
Life is defenseless against Scotts lazer eye
Why did Mystique lick her lips?
She kicked the groin!
Now he’s going to take it personal!
SCOTT JUST LASERED JEAN’S FACE
His glasses have laser settings, that’s clever
Whoa, frogman is British
‘es all cockney
He sounded Aussie to me
He is hanging on by his tongue
“Do you know what happens to a toad when it’s struck by lightning?
Same thing that happens to everything else” OKay I’d heard about that line
nooot a great line
It’s the kind of thing you say when you’re aiming for a one-liner and miss
‘Do you know what the worst thing about being out in a storm is?’
‘It gets…it’s cold. It’s cold and you get cold.’
haha, he figured HER out
I THOUGHT HE WAS MYSTIQUE
That was clever!!!
“Prove it?” “You’re a dick”
Yep, that’s Logan
Scott and Woverine are absolutely my favourites
I hope they get a spinoff
“Scott and Wolverine go to college”
Magneto wants to be friends with them
Man, Magneto is scary
haha, taking off his glasses
Scott and Wolverine are the weakest against Magneto
Storm’s acting might be the weakest part of the film
“Are you sure you saw what you saw?” yeah, pretty sure
‘I mean, I saw it’
Scott and Wolverine would kick Second Wolverine’s arse
Is Wolfbear that Australian guy with the weird face?
He totally stabbed himself
“Sabertooth” is apparently Canadian
So is Wolverine!
Deep down, aren’t we all Canadian?
In the comics Wolverine’s also comically short
which so many people hate that H-Jacks is tall
HJ’s only flaw: being too tall
H-Jacks, you almost stabbed your best friend Scott in the face
Also he can be a bit reckless with his deadly, deadly claws
“You owe me a scream” fuck that’s a scary threat
Someone save Rogue!
N’aww, Wolverine gave Scott his glasses back
When in doubt, send in Wolverine!
Using a storm if needed
‘Also don’t be in doubt to begin with. Just send in Wolverine always’
‘He has bones of invincible metal and can heal from any wound’
‘Why the fuck would you not’
Fly, you fools!
Side effect of the mutant machine: turns you blonde
Scott’s got this guys
He would never do anything to hurt his bestie Wolverine
Scott Capable: Ruler of the world
Oh man, Wolverine can touch Rogue
which means she’s dead
That’s an amazing way to show it, though
Not so dead
Rogue: Totes alive now!
You can tell because she’s back to sucking the life out of everyone she touches
Ignoring that there are two films in the series named after him, it genuinely looked like Wolverine was going to die just then
That was really well done
Oh man, Mystique is alive
You can blink!
Totes alive also?
Please be totes alive also too!
DOCTOR Wolverine to you
DOCTOR Wolverine PHD
He’s shirtless, that’s a good sign
DR TOTES ALIVE
Possibly even KING Alive!
I like the Wolverine/Rogue friendship
I really don’t want them to end up together
Wolverine and ANY of these characters
She is a kid
Scott and Jean are great
And Wolverine and Jean make no sense
(except to get one over Scott)
I think they’re setting up Wolverine and Jean
In a weird way
I don’t like that
Again, random patches of skin visible on Rogue
They could literally kill people
Mystique probs shouldn’t show her eyes on camera
How did other people not notice this?
Yeah, that was a weird move
Mystique why would you do that?
If Wolverine must have a romance plot, I hope it’s someone from his past
That would be good
N’aww, he’s given her his dog tags
Oh! Wolverine! You should take Scott with you!
Or Scott’s bike
HE STOLE THE BIKE
OH MY GOODNESS
THAT’S SO MUCH FUN
I’m really sold on the Wolverine/Rogue relationship
Gandalf and Picard playing chess?
I think they are!
This is the best!!!
Picard and Magneto are the best besties
And Picard is keeping Magneto prisoner…
I think the government is
because of his terrorism
Plastic prison is a good move
This prison is magic
“Old friend” Picard is just the best
Xander: MOVIE: OVER
Mine is Wolverine
Picard or Wolverine
But I feel it would unfair to give it to Picard. He’s just so default cool.
So Wolverine may have it
Senator who exploded into the ocean?
Storm has this one for me. Was not a fan. The acting didn’t help.
I also did not like any of the lackeys
Yeah, Halle Berry was very flat
It was weird
Halle Berry? Wait, was Storm Halle Berry?
Oh man, I really like Halle Berry
Yeah it’s weird
‘Cause she’s good!
But not in this!
Wolverine was pretty sweet at times too, don’t forget
But yeah, Rogue
I want either Wolverine & Rogue or Wolverine and Scott
Can I just elect “Wolverine”?
Picard and Magneto was a fascinating friendship
Wolverine/Scott has my vote
You think the P&M party?
I want to know more about Picard and Magneto
It feels like there’s a lot of interesting stuff happening there
And that way I don’t have to pick between Wolverine & Rogue or Wolverine & Scott
BRO OF THE FILM?
There gonna be an after-credits scene?
No after-credits scene
Final Verdict: I think it was good at the core, but some of it was extraneous (Too many main characters, only two interesting villains, the school is just sort of… there)
Yeah, I think they needed to tighten the whole thing up, but I enjoyed it
I hope they do something with the school, though, it’s an interesting concept.
It’s a strong starting point, and the central cast was on point
Hoorah! Next film?
X-MEN 2: ATTACK OF THE DUCKS