Okay team, time for season 2, where presumably nothing bad will happen.
So season 2. Hopes? Expectations?
aka ‘future crushables’
Mostly I want to follow Dany around with her baby dragons
But if Papa Stark could be not dead also that would be nice
Oh! This season should totally be about Dany going around with her dragons and making everything better
She can bring back Papa Stark and Mr Dany and Viserys
They could kill Joffrey and pick up Tyrion and cruise around and everyone would be so happy
That is exactly what happens.
[[Episode 1]]
And we open on…. Joffrey. Oh dear.
Joffrey why are you making your peeps beat each other bloody?
Because he is the worst, Elizabeth, you know this.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU DRINK WINE
What did they do with it?
Joffrey wouldn’t let a man stop drinking it
Then Sansa managed to save him
Aw, is this Tyrion’s niece and nephew?
Doubly so, I think
So, Tyrion is the best
He was super nice to Sansa
She may have been a bit bratty in the past, but she is in desperate need of kindness now
From people Joffrey is unlikely to kill, preferably
That’s not many people
There’s a thing in the fandom that Ned was the last man of honour, and Tyrion is the last man of kindness
I can see that
Hehe, Queenie doesn’t like her brother having any type of power
Depends on which brother
(That was a sex joke)
But seriously which brother?
Tyrion
She seems fond of the other
Fond is such a diplomatic word
What is Jaime up to at this point?
I think he’s a prisoner to the Starks
More like a prisoner to the CHUMPS
So Robb seems to be winning his war
Huzzah
I retract any statement I have ever made comparing the mighty Starks to chumps. Long live King Robb!
Whoa, Bran is being all lordly
Bran has never seen a diamond in the flesh
Puppy!
Dream puppy 🙁
Bran gets piggy backs
From Hodor?
Yeah
I never get piggybacks
Ask Hodor!
He is piggyback king!
I love Hodor
He would give the best piggybacks
Ooh, I bet they do herald dragons!!
I forgot about the dragons!
It’s Dany! With a dragon!
They didn’t want to kill their CGI budget so I’m not sure you see too many dragons in S2
THEY ARE NOT CGI
THEY ARE REAL
FOOL
Dany’s trying to work out how to feed the dragon!
The lesser known prequel to How To Train Your Dragon
Horse down
Poor Dany
Jonah (Jodah? Jorah?) seems pretty nice
Jorah
Jorah Mormont
Or possibly Jonah Hill
who is also nice from what I hear
The one who is helping Dany
Jorah Mormont
Jonah Hill doesn’t come in until season 3
Jonah Hill is an actor
And significantly less dashing
There are no actors in this show, from memory
ONLY HEROES
This man seems to have married his daughters
Things were very confusing until I remembered incest is an option in this show
I should totally start demanding people’s axes when they ask me questions
I will probably not marry my daughters, though
That seems yucky
Who is this burning religious artifacts?
She a redhead?
I think so
She is asking Stannis is to pull out a sword
I believe Stannis is the late king’s brother
That’s Merlin
Wait, seriously?!
nah
That’s Melisandre
Merlin, right, I heard you the first time
Stannis is the older brother and thus should inherit as Joffrey is child of incest
I am good at this game
The game…
OF THRONES
Stannis is meticulous in his declarations
I appreciate that
Also: Merlin is a Priestess of the Lord of Light, who is only really worshipped in the lands to the east where Dany is hanging
just fyi
The Lord of Light is fond of fire
The Lord of Light is VERY fond of fire
Merlin is hardcore
She waited until it was definitely the wine killing the first guy
And then she drank the wine
I am unclear why she has not died
Sheer power of awesome?
She’s really good at holding her liquor
The other guy died of alcohol poisoning
Quick-acting alcohol poisoning
Jaime you need a bath
If I were Jaime I’d deny Joffrey was my son too
Those dire wolves have been so handy
They are always saving the day
“The city smells of dead bodies” “bit corpsey, yes”
I love how Tyrion just rolls with the punches
Tyrion is my favourite
Ooh, Baelish is hinting at Queenie sleeping with her brother
And Queenie nearly slit his throat
She is not standing for any of that knowledge is power stuff
I love these little power plays
Haha, Anne, did the Scots enjoy the king of the north plot?
Haha Yorkshire appreciated it a lot.
Thing is, if we’re drawing UK parallels, Scotland is Beyond The Wall.
So that’s awkward.
Theon you are such a cutie
Calling Robb “your grace”
I liked Robb’s subtle hint he is dubious of Joffrey’s Baratheon parentage
Theon, you kind of are a Stark
It’s a stark truth we all must face
*groan*
This king of the north business is very complicated
Robb’s ordering his mother to do things (I mean, nicely, with explanation and stuff), it’s interesting how the family dynamic shifted with Papa Stark’s death
Detective Stark: ‘Robb, I’m gonna need you to hand in your badge and gun… you’re being promoted! You’re now head of the family’
“They put too much value on their women”
meanwhile Joffrey is just rude and dismissive to his mother
In fairness, he’s just as rude to his aunt
(Heyo!)
And Queenie slapped him for it
In fairness, he just asked (not very politely) how many bastards Robert fathered
Joffrey does not cope well with being slapped
And he’s letting her know he will put her to death if she does it again
It was in front of others and quite undermining of his authority, but that seems harsh
He is a bad king
He is a bad person
Prostitute lessons, an interesting addition to the show
People argue like crazy about how needed that scene is
Thoughts?
Hmm, hard to say.
Seems unnecessary, but it was very short so I guess just adds dimension to the show
(similarly to starting scenes with skinning deer or archery lessons)
It’s tricky with nudity and sex because they are so often there for…
I believe the term is ‘fan service’
Meanwhile, if the establishment was a dressmaking shop, would the scene have started with one of the employees being corrected on their sewing technique?
If so, then no reason not to have the same for a scene in a brothel
I like how casually the show treats sex and nudity, the way it is shot and lit and the scenes that go on around it, it makes it all just part of their world and lives
Yeah, I think it has a place in normalising it as a part of the world. It’s business, it’s a daily reality.
But yeah, there’s a fine line.
I do like that, but it’s so often fanservicey
The main argument is that it shows he’s ruthless and unfeeling.
A fact I feel is firmly established by every scene with him prior.
Contrasting it to Orange is The New Black, I think that Orange is The New Black handles nudity so much better
I think GoT really revels in the sex, blood, nudity, death sort of stuff.
I find the gore harder to cope with than the nudity, personally
(although I also don’t like the sex scenes either)
I am completely happy with them as long as they’re necessary in some small way beyond fanservice
Yeah, I am not interested in fanservice
I think all the nudity, blood, sex and death scenes exist as part of this heightened fantasy world, so it suits the show
Regarding the scene when Baelish instructs the girls on sex, from that scene I more got that he is invested in the sex for purely business reasons, he genuinely does not receive sexual pleasure at the thought of owning a brothel or watching people have sex and he has no interest in having sex with the girls himself
Which sort of strengthens, I suppose, the candle he holds for Detective Stark
It’s a controversial scene nonetheless
Oh man, they are taking a baby
KILLING A BABY
THAT GOT BABY MURDERY FAST
Whoa, Joffrey is killing all his father’s bastards
As previously stated, HE IS THE WORST
Some people complain that the baby murdering scene is too fan-servicey
[[Episode 2]]
It’s Arry!!
Our favourite British wizard
/Stark daughter!
I like Prisoner Jackenblargen
Jaqen H’ghar!
That’s what I said
“I could shave a spider’s arse” this man has a real way with words
Hey! They’re not after Arry!
They’re after another of the king’s bastards
And all the king’s men
Well now Varys knows about Tyrion’s lady friend
That can only end terribly
“Another king? How many is that, I’ve lost count” I know how you feel Queenie
I like how there is the internal conflict of everyone wanting the throne, but then also hints of this external conflict beyond the wall
Game of Thrones is known for its layered and multifaceted stories
Also, breasts.
Layers and layers of them.
“It seems indecent for one man to have so many wives. Wouldn’t two or three be enough?”
It does seem unfair
Some people only have one wife
Those poor souls
Dang, Ghost is a big ol’ puppy
Oh Sam
Sam, it is not a good idea to talk to the guy’s daughter/wife
Just daughter apparently
Pregnant daughter
Apparently there is something up with his wife-daughters having baby boys
(Not sure if daughter is also wife)
With this guy, if in doubt assume yes
Why has Sam read about midwifery/birth?
That’s never really explained in the show
Apparently the second book dedicates several chapters to it
And it fills the entirety of the third book
It is called ‘Sam Learns Midwifery’
It’s actually strangely compelling
I feel so decadent having tea and water while Dany and co. are dehydrating in the desert
Just wait until you get to the scene where Tyrion can’t access his Facebook account
Boat time!
Theon has a naked lady
And is going home!
This is a good day for Theon
“Try smiling with your mouth closed” Theon you are not that nice to your naked friend
Poor naked friend
Geez, it’s back-to-back sex scenes here
When are they going to break it up with some baby-killing?
Baelish is being nice to his prostitute, even though she upset a customer, I appreciate this
Nope
I take it back
He is now talking about women who were bad investments
And he now seems to be vaguely threatening her
At least she is getting the night off?
Yay Baelish!
Employer of the year!
Tyrion is against baby killing, further proof he is the best
Is Tyrion’s champion the new head of the guards?
If so I approve
I like Gendyl
Gendry is the best!
He knows Arry is a girl!
Gendry is the smart!
Haha, Gendry regrets mentioning cocks after discovering Arry is a Lady
So that was adorable
ah yeah
it’s adorable
adorable like a monkey riding a fox
Theon stop groping that lady
She is riding
Watching Theon interacting with women makes me likes him less
According to my understanding of maths, once your dislike of him reaches critical mass he loops around and becomes the best
Tyrion is basically just Theon in ten years
Papa Greyjoy is being mean to his son
Why?
He’s been a captive for 9 years!
No wonder Theon liked the Starks so much
Wait! Did Theon grope his sister?!
“She’s a woman!” “You’re the one in a skirt”
I feel this show has more incest than most
That really depends on what shows you watch
A pirate!
So the pirate wants the Queen
I suspect he has never met her
Wow Elizabeth
Way to belittle the entire online dating community
Man, Tyrion is really opposed to baby killing
I don’t think Tyrion killed their mother on purpose
It seems unlikely that as a baby being born he would have done so
It was a failed gambit to establish himself as the head of the family
Queenie! Don’t be mean to Tyrion! He is the best!
Hey
Don’t forget he killed her Mum
Ooh, I like the big ol’ map table
“Pirates seem to prefer to fight unarmed men” “seems the wiser choice”
Pirates are the best
Merlin, why are you now nudie?
Clearly you are not familiar with the Legend of King Arthur
So Stannis might be one of the few faithful men in the show
nooope.
That does not seem like a comfortable table to have sex on
Jon, channel Detective Stark, find out what happens to the baby boys
(How do you describe the relationship between a bastard and the bastard’s father’s wife?)
Second Step-mother-in-law twice removed
Well Jon just got smacked on the head and we are still none the wiser with regards to what happens to the boy babies
END EPISODE
Now that you’ve finished the ep, a special treat:
Haha, I’ve seen that thing before
But now I understand it!
That episode had more incest than I was expecting
Which, for Game of Thrones, is really saying something
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