[[Episode 5]]
Okay SO all the characters agree that it’s the original cloners who are killing them off
Which narratively makes it way more interesting if it’s not
Prediction: It’s Art and Paul, working together
That’s why Georgia hates them so much.
But how does Helena fit in to that
She’s their daughter
It’s the only explanation that makes sense
Boy-clone is all about caressing Helena’s hair
It’s so lovely
This is the first show where that “if you have sex with your clone is it incest or masturbation” question is a genuine issue.
Like ramen noodles, it’s something I’ve definitely considered before
Beth is all about the steamy Paul-sex
Everytime I see Paul I get a little bit gayer
I talk about this a LOT, but showing female characters who enjoy sex for sex’s sake (and not for manipulation or power or emotional reasons) is SO important
Yay show!
Fighting the good fight!
Admittedly in a way that shows a lot of naked woman but you know what I’ll take it
Sarah just had some kind of science-nightmare
Intriguing.
Was it a nightmare??
Well
Nightmare/repressed memory
Oh shit!
She’s clone-dying!
Also she just tried to brush her teeth with what looked like a tracking device
Silly Sarah
That’s what a toothbrush is for
I track people via toothbrush sometimes.
I use it like a water diviner
I’d love it if it turned out Paul was in on it all along
And was making reports like ‘So Beth was really obviously replaced with one of her clones today’
‘Like she seduced me and it was completely different to every other time I’d ever had sex with Beth’
‘Really obviously a different person.’
Cosima is doing some SCIENCE wooo!
Oh okay the characters are now discussing the possibility of Paul being on it
OH MY GOD
FELIX COULD BE IN ON IT TOO
Noooo not felix
Wait no she’s known him since he was like 3
That’s less likely
That just leaves Mrs S
So Mrs S for Sarah, probably hubby for Alison
God, for Helena
Kind of lazy of God, to only monitor 1 clone
He works in mysterious and lazy ways
“If my blind subject were to become self-aware, it would either be a Eureka moment or I would terminate.”
Georgia you know more science than me
Is that as nonsensical as it sounds
I know at least ten more sciences than you, and can confidently say that that is solid science.
Okay now they explicitly showing Alison’s husband as the plant
The plot moves quickly!
Alison: “Why were you in my vanity?”
Hubby: “I need…scissors.”
He’s as good at covering his tracks as Sarah was when she started.
Oh no
It’s not Mrs S
It’s KIRA
She’s the plant!
She’s already the only one who can tell them apart
I guess it could be Vic surveilling Sarah
As little sense as that makes
Oh man Art! What if it was Art instead of Paul!
Well he’s terrible at it
That would be an amazing twist!
And really explain a LOT of his behaviour
Or maybe Beth was the plant!
She was spying on HERSELF
You’re getting a little worked up Peter
IT IS EXCITING
Ooooh, Paul’s workplace is totally empty
In a completely non-suspicious way
Except for hottie. Is that the girl from Degrassi???
DegrASSi
Man that giant mirror on the wall of Paul’s office
That certainly couldn’t be anything other than a normal decorative mirror
The normal, huge, certainly not one-way-mirror-used-for-spying that every office has.
How did they get these people to make the clones fall in love with them?
Is every woman’s type encoded in their DNA?
You really don’t know women, do you?
Straight women are the easiest women to make fall in love with you
But Georgia
The friendzone
It’s an unbreachable chasm
No way.
Hahaha Alison just found porn
Perfect.
Paul why would you point out her scar being missing if you are a bad guy
Stop being so confusing
He had to double check that the scar existed??
Oh man is the whole “someone in their lives watching them” thing completely imagined?
That’s the greatest double-twist in the history of TV
God I want that to be the case
Just for the skilled writing
If a twist is untwisted, is it not then just a … straight thing
DOUBLE TWIST
SO INTRIGUED
I’m so hooked on this show right now
Have you seen the “If I told you that, I’d have to kill you” supercuts?
Scientist: “What’s in it for me?”
Cosima: “Well how about you get to have sex. With yourself.”
Cosima is rapidly rising through the ranks
Just you wait until you see her bangin chicks
EVEYRTHING will rise.
Hang on why does Cosima wear glasses and none of the others do
Because she’s a scientist
I guess if she watched too much TV in darkened rooms as a kid that would do it
(That is genuinely why I have to wear glasses)
(If you’re watching too much TV, do it in a well-lit room)
(Ditto computer usage)
Who knew!!
OH NO MORGUE GUY
Why would they bring him back if he wasn’t evil?
FOR NO REASON
THERE IS NO HAPPINESS
ONLY BETRAYAL
Because his mother is the moral barometer of the entire show.
Sarah: “It’s me this time.”
Kira: “I know.”
How fucking creepy would it be if she was like “No it’s not. You just think you are.”
*dramatic sting*
Kira is the brains behind it all. The Red Queen
Mother of clones.
Kira: “Is someone trying to hurt us?”
I feel like this kid is now TOO clever.
She could afford to lose a few brain cells
Oh my
Mrs S in flannel?
I might die.
I love that her standards are so low that jeans and a coat count as “fancy clothes”
Cosima wants to get some with Frenchie.
Wants to do some Frenching.
“Evo Devo”
That is the best possible way of abbreviating evolutionary development
Cosima’s lady boner can be seen from space
Cosima I don’t even *see* as being played by the same actor.
Like I can’t even admire it she’s so well done.
Oh my god I don’t think this series has passed the Reverse Bechdel test
That’s amazing.
Here it is!
oh no they’re talking about a woman
Oh hey Vic! I totally thought he was gone forever.
I think this is the most men in a single scene, three men in a garage.
I had forgotten about the drug-stealing plotline
I wonder what they do with the finger they just cut off
One can only assume they clone a bunch more Vics
It’s what the world needs.
Okay if anyone reading this is considering opening a surveillance store
Please call it “Spy Guys”
Oh awesome!
Vic is about to meet Alison!
He just told the kids “Stay in school”
Like it was ever a risk with that mother
“Stay in School” could be its own supercut
Someone should get on that
Yeah, Alison!
Pepper-spraying at a distance of like 20mm!
(that’s about an inch, Americans)
She handles her business!
Man how has this never come up for any of the friends-of-clones before now.
What with 30 of them all living in the same city
At least
Oh hey they didn’t resolve the metal box
I thought we’d know what happened next in that scene
But they just cut away and hoped we’d forget about it?
They do tend to tie little things up quickly but it’ll come up again
Morgue guy + Felix = OTP
Everyone has such a cavalier attitude towards all these clones existing
I don’t think so at all
Felix: “Your life always has to be first, doesn’t it?”
Like
She is a CLONE
A scientific impossibility! And also a pretty big deal!
Yeah and he’s been giving it a lot of attention. Then he just wanted one afternoon to himself
Oh hey Paul is a “monitor”
Presumably not blackboard
There’s still room for a double-twist
But it’s looking less and less likely
Vic is the absolute worst
Georgia don’t fall in love with Vic
Don’t do it
It will not end well
Between him, Paul and Art, I’m glad that men finally have a show where they’re like “Why do all the men have to be awful”
You’ve not seen Orange is the New Black?
Ohh. Yep you’re right. But I think more men would watch this than OITNB
I dunno. Orange has way more lesbian scenes.
Just you wait, Peter!
Just you wait!
Felix: “Is every man in your life a complete wanker except me?”
He knows what it’s about.
Okay so Alison has found the metal box…but hubby replaced the secrets with porn
The same porn, unoriginally
I do the same thing
now I have no secrets, only porn
And is burning what is presumably the actual contents of the box
But could well just be a bill he doesn’t want to pay
(Financial tip: That doesn’t work!)
Cosima: “I think that Oliviae guy…he runs Paul. It’s like a double blind.”
SCIENCE
Leave some science for the rest of the show, Cosima!
Paul is threatening Sarah with a gun
Such a sexy guy
You’re just trying to upset me
It’s the scene I asked for! He only had suspicions instead of “knowing all along” but I’m giving myself points anyway.
Oh man three times in this episode i’ve thought the ad-break was the end-of-episode cliffhanger
And each time I’ve wanted to go “Amazing cliffhanger”
And then the episode CONTINUES
Amazing!
No ads for us! What a time to be alive
And two mobile phones each!
“She knew you didn’t love her and she couldn’t work out why you wouldn’t leave.”
Miiiindfuuuuuck
Seriously that would mess you up
To the point of killing random elderly Asian women, even
Okay THAT was an end-of-episode cliffhanger! And definitely a great one.
If the early season episode ends are this cliffhangery, how will you handle the season finale??
Probably by going out and buying season 2 pretty much straight away
This is actually reminding me more of Lost than anything.
The deeper the rabbit-hole goes, the more people you think are controlling it are just being swept along.
I mean as much as you can control a rabbit hole
That metaphor fell apart pretty quickly
[[EPISODE 5]]
Oh man that French chick is going to be a monitor, isn’t she?
Economy of screentime and all that
Man that’s a pretty high-quality nanny cap
It zooms itself
Well no wonder the memory card is full
You set it to the highest recording quality
Donnie just clicked at Alison to get her attention.
He’s on the list of men I hate in this show
Alison you’re clearly great but just flatly confronting him is a really poor way of handling the situation
I can see why you like her
She hits dudes with golf clubs
It’s one of my ‘things’!
That, and sexy older women getting me in trouble.
Paul is totes coerced! How can you not like him?
Easy. Try it with me: Look at his stupid goddamn face
Mmm
So chiselled
Such a complex relationship
Oh THAT’s what a double-blind is!
Well I mean it’s not
But I can see what they meant now.
Sarah is telling Cosima to stay away from the sexy french girl. Goooood Luuuck
Alison putting a helmet on her unconscious husband
She’s basically the Bree (from Desperate Housewives) of this show, isn’t she?
She’s so much more interesting than Bree
You’re only saying that because she’s a clone
That’s just not fair to Bree
If I had a craft room I would totally tape men up in it
How could her husband not find scissors??
There’s literally a rack of 12 of them right there
Alison is totally torturing her husband with a hot glue gun
Would hot glue really hurt that much?
What a wimp
Oh I just realized – there’s probably multiple parties at play here
The group who run the monitors
And then whoever is brainwashing Helena
Poor opening line from Cosima “I’m bored”
Cosima ain’t got no game
Frenchie: “You know there’s a lecture today I was going to go to…”
‘It’s like a support group for lesbian clones’
I would go to that group.
You just want to hook up with a pair of clones
at least a pair
Oh who am I kidding, we all do
If hubby was innocent this would be the most confusing day of his life
“What German? Who’s German??”
Stuffing a piece of fabric into someone’s mouth is not an effective way of gagging them. They can just spit it out
Really really easily.
Oh man Alison’s a pill-popper as well
All of the clones must have a weakness to them
Cosima’s is pickup lines
as in a weakness to narcotics
clonerules! must be dependent
Everyone’s priorities on this show are fucked up
Felix just wants to get laid, Alison wants to run a successful potluck
Sarah just wants to drink some soap
Neolution sounds like the worst thing ever.
I wouldn’t trust someone called Dr Leakie
I can only hope it includes some homeopathy
Uh…
Dr Leakie: *slight hunch, old-man voice*
Audience: ‘That is HILARIOUS’
It was VERY generous laughter
Dr Leakie: (to Cosima) Your glasses make you look somewhat…platonic.
God, what a dick.
I mean first of all it’s okay for women to look “platonic”?
Secondly that is not how that word works
Well I read recently that platonic love as plato first used the term was the sexual love between an older man and a young boy
So that makes Leakie’s accusation even more confusing
Cosima: “Maybe I’ll just try Lasik?”
Audience: *hysterical laughter*
This is the easiest crowd ever
Oh man Felix truly is the greatest
He took all the awesomeness from all the other male characters for himself
Who needs more than Felix though
Straight women?
They’re acting like this scientist has groupies. What is this world!
That is the most farfetched part of this entire show
They really don’t get science
Okay so the amount of time we’re spending on this guy suggests that he’s heavily involved in the cloning
Or at least that his institution is
Cosima just looted the party!
LOOTING: Achieved!
Felix looted the vodka!
We saw him drinking from the bottle
There’s no evidence that it’s not soap
You can theoretically say that about anything.
Can and will.
Cosima your one job was to focus on science and not hook up with Frenchie
ONE JOB
Frenchie: “In France we have a cigarette after a jogging”
I don’t know enough about French to know whether that’s true or not
But either way it’s stupid
Who understands the French anyway
Professor Leekie
He has a chip
Don: “Please untie me.”
Sarah: “I can’t. Until the party’s over.”
Don: “I bought mulled wine…”
Everyone’s priorities in this show.
Fucked.
You don’t live their life Peter. You don’t know how you’d react.
I was going to complain about Vic constantly turning up where he’s not wanted
But frankly i don’t think there’s anywhere that Vic is wanted.
I really think that everyone should just leave each other alone.
Isolated bubbles for everyone
Paul is like “Beth has been leading a double life?”
‘How the fuck did she have time for this and her full-time policing job?’
Okay Paul meeting Don is the scene I am most excited about, going in
Paul will make it terrible, just watch
Surely you don’t hate Paul as much as you hate Vic
Surely
I hate him more, actually
No lie.
He’s totally improvising that he’s in on it with Sarah!
How do you not love that??
He’s amazing!
And impossibly handsome!
Paul is beating up Vic!!
The more of this guy I see the more I love him
A fight to the death and the winner gets shot. A fight I can get behind
Oh no Chad’s wife thinks that Alison is having an affair
Also known as ‘the most boring possible plotline right now’
Jesus
A nail-gun to the head is a very scary thing
Vic: “I don’t know anything, could you please tell him?”
She was literally doing that a second ago
That’s all she’s done since she entered the room
How much clearer could she make it?
If Sarah was smart she’d let Paul kill Vic
Agreed!
Hahaha this wife character must be so confused
Poor Ainsley.
Why on earth would you try to get her on-side with a happy affair? You know she’s being cheated on!
Well what else was she going to say??
“I’m a clone!”
I don’t believe in lying
I would not last long on this show
It’s so great that Donnie went through all that and now he’s back in bed next to her
Haha yup
Awww it was love-letters from an old fling
Donnie is the best
The story even has lupus
I heart Donnie
Now she’s bringing him a coffee
Pour the hot coffee onto his back, Alison!
He hasn’t been tortured ENOUGH
He’d take it too
Haha yes he would
‘Thank you you’re right, my back was too cold’
In my mind he has a gambling addiction. I know that they just explained exactly what was in the box, but my guess was gambling addiction and now I can’t get it out of my head.
Paul is totes onboard with the clones
He’s so great
He’s thinking with his little Paul
Freaky Leakie
*vomit*
Frenchie is totally getting licked by Leekie
That is one of the least appealing things I’ve ever encountered
Episode end!
I am literally not aware of anything else that BBC America has done
Except that they used to be the only way for people from the US to see Doctor Who
There doesn’t seem to be much of note.
This is good, though.
Hopefully they do a bunch more shows like this.
“Clones”, if you will.
Jesus
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