What’s that? Time for Game of Thrones!
Why is there so much baby killing in this show?
I agree with Jon – baby killing: not cool
Those babies know what they did.
…were born male?
Because that is slander, good sir!
Yeah Bran, statistically some of your dreams are going to be true, you’re not special or anything
The dragons aren’t gone any more, Mr Bran’s-downer-tutor
Who are the deer peeps?
Deer peeps being them peeps with a stag on the sigil?
That’s the peeps
House of: The King, Stannis, and Renly
Margery of House Turrel is the queen, as far as I can tell
And king has offered Joffrey’s head
House Tyrell, yeah
Are the Tyrells new peeps? How many kings are in the Baratheon house?
The only king is Joffrey Baratheon!
Tyrells are new. Margaery is the best and has murder-eyebrows.
Detective Stark has gone to visit the Tyrells to see if they will fight Robb’s war with them
There was a lady fighting and she won and is now a king’s guard and her name starts with B (Brianna maybe) and she seems pretty rad
That’s Brienne! Of House Tarth! She’s the cool!
Oh, Brienne. I am genuinely torn between her and Robb for my marriage intentions
Theon’s dad! Don’t plan to take over Winterfell!
Hehe, Theon is cranky because he only gets one ship when his sister gets thirty
I like how each house has a motto and they take them quite seriously
What is Theon’s house?
Papa Greyjoy don’t hit Theon! We love Theon!
You have some strange taste in characters
Why do you love Theon?
Except when he is around women
I always felt like Theon had the potential to be a real sweetie. But then he ruined it by being a colossal bellend.
He’s kind of a dick
But when he’s hanging out with Robb he’s cool!
Okay yeah, that’s probably the main caveat
Robb makes everyone cool!
You like Robb, right?
Oh look! The other baby Baratheons are talking
Joffrey’s younger siblings
When I say Baratheon babies, I mean Lannister incest babies
YOU HAVE NO PROOF
THE ONLY MAN WHO DID HAVE PROOF IS NOW DEAD
this sucks now
WHY WOULD YOU SAY WORDS
Sansa’s life kind of sucks, really
Yeah, things are unfun for Sansa
Shae (Tryion’s lady friend) is pretty cool
I like her
Fun fact: Played by a former porn star!
The clothes the women in the city wear are cool (the servant women, with the loose fabric)
Sort of Grecian
Which city? King’s Landing?
I don’t recall the fashion, but the entire aesthetic of the show is great
Oh right, yeah
I see what you mean by Grecian
also maybe don’t google stuff
That doesn’t always go well
Yeah, I googled and then went “oh god don’t show me pictures of Shae being brutally murdered”
Fortunately this time I was safe, but I will avoid it in the future
In future you can give me search terms and I will sift through it for you
Let us protect you
Maggie Smith would be very sympathetic to Sansa’s plight of training up a maid
Fun fact: Maggie Smith totally plays Sansa!
“‘Don’t tell the queen’ I adore conversations that start this way.” Hehe, Varys (The Spider) is the best
…wait, is Tyrion pretending to marry this lady off to all different peeps?
Elizabeth, we stopped questioning Tyrion a while back
If Tyrion wants to give a lady a harem, that is Tyrion’s right I suppose
Haha, did he just do that to find out who would rat him out to the queen?
He’s a rascal
I suspect Renly does not fancy the ladies
Which is awkward as he is married to one
Renly is a ladies man Elizabeth
you are bad at identifying ladies men
He’s more of a ladies man than even Lieutenant Gruber
Whoa, that is quite a claim
I would require much proof of that
Also: Proof of his manliness that didn’t make it to the show:
“Renly Baratheon declared himself king of the Seven Kingdoms after the death of his brother Robert. To reflect his status, he created the Rainbow Guard, a fanciful version of the Kingsguard. Loras Tyrell, Renly’s favourite, was the first appointee, as well as Lord Commander. Barring the Lord Commander, each of the other six members were given a color of the rainbow.”
Whoa, rainbows! Nothing manlier than a rainbow.
I bet all the ladies swooned and spontaneously fell pregnant
Which I guess he would have found convenient
Grrrr Martin is not always a man of subtlety
Ohh, Tyrion was trying to marry off one of the incest kids.
Queenie does not want her kid married off
She got quite cranky
Theon! You didn’t send that letter!
He tried to throw it into the ocean in an act of defiance.
Don’t set it on fire!
Yeah, the longer Theon is away from Robb (king of the north!), the less I like him
THE KING IN THE NORTH!
Huh, I never noticed that Papa Greyjoy has long flowing locks
Clearly he needs to stand in more breezes
Hehehe, Baelish worked out Tyrion’s trick
Poor incest kid, no harem for you
Tyrion has a manhood cutting off device
If Tyrion doesn’t like your beard, Tyrion has someone chop it off.
Tyrion gets things done.
Tyrion was right though, the guy looks much better sans beard
And he pays the prostitute on the way out, classy
Have I mentioned I loved Tyrion lately?
I don’t know that anyone expresses love of Tyrion enough
It’s still weird to me that he’s also the guy in Death at a Funeral
he’s just like, GoT to me now
Oh no, he is totes Tyrion, he really owns the role
Yeah, it’s incredible
Also: Describe his accent
That’s his voice in real life as well, but he grew up in The Bronx
Huh, there you go
‘Arry seems a bit young to be drinking…
That is an interesting way to rouse people to arms…
What’s his method?
He called out, “there’s men out there who want to fuck your corpses”
And now he is dead
Hopefully his accusation of necrophilism was erroneous
If ‘Arry and Tyrion join forces they would be an unstoppable armada of awesome
I would watch the hell out of the spinoff
THAT IS NOT CARRYING THAT IS STABBING IN THE THROAT
‘Arry you are so clever
We also didn’t get to see Dany 🙁
Some episodes you don’t!
There’s apparently an episode I haven’t seen yet that focuses on only one group
I have heard this! That would be so strange!
And wonderful if the one group was Arry and Tyrion being awesome
while Varys and Baelish bickered in the background
So: Current favourite character who isn’t Tyrion or ‘Arry?
Haha. Favourites who aren’t Tyrion or ‘Arry, what an idea
Also least favourite who isn’t Joffrey
that is the game we must all play
Eeerrrrrmmm, Dany? Maybe? I DON’T KNOW.
Least favourite who isn’t Joffrey? Ummm
Like, there are definite bad guys but they are so interesting
Maybe Theon when he is with ladies
Reeeeaaally don’t like him then
Or Papa Greyjoy, I’m not keen on him
Ugh, entrails should be intrails not outtrails
You still find the intro totally radcool, right?
I just put out the bins and it was in my head
suddenly became the coolest thing I’ve done today
Someone made a version for Edinburgh. It’s amazeballs.
That healer seems to have a cool star banner
So that guy is having his foot cut off
It is possibly the worst
Uuuugggghh, I can hear her sawing
Healer, this is not a good time for moralising
Thoughts on healer?
She is trying to simplify a very complex issue
It is irritating
That said: Kinda what Ned Stark did a lot
But he continued on to live in the real world
Until he didn’t, that is.
Didn’t healer just cut off someones leg?
And is blaming Robb for it
WE LOVE ROBB
ROBB FOR KING
THE KING IN THE NORTH!
Like I feel at least Papa Stark made plans- no wait, the real difference is she is moralising from a position of no power, the easiest position to moralise from
‘The powerless get NO OPINIONS’
Elizabeth supports the class system!
I long suspected.
It is easy to judge those in power while you sit on the sidelines
And cut people’s feet off
Breaking News: Elizabeth uses sports metaphor!
Joffrey! Do not hold a crossbow to Sansa’s face!
Oh god, Joffrey better not be about to cut some part of Sansa off
Beating her is no better!
NOR IS STRIPPING HER
For neither the first nor the last time: What the fuck Joffrey
Tyrion is here to save the day!
Hehe, Bron, you are pretty cool
Tyrion I love you
Bron is pretty cool!
And we do love Tyrion!
What a nice show.
In which nothing bad happens ever happens
Aw, Tyrion is treating Sansa as a lady and apologising to her
Tyrion and Sansa should also team up
Haha, Bron thinks getting Joffrey laid would help
Or possibly candle making, if Tyrion’s talk of dipping wicks is to be taken literally
Yeah, that’s a set of ladies not a candle making kit
I feel like no good can come of encouraging Joffrey to touch anyone. Ever.
It is makes sense, but it is also always slightly surprising every time Tyrion is just super kind
Two ladies are making the smoothies and Joffrey is not coping
Wait, he wants them to hit each other
Making the smoothies?
“Making the smoothies”
Joffrey: ‘WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET A BLENDER’
‘HOW IS IT RUNNING, YOU ARE TURNING NO HANDLES’
This hitting is less playful sexy times and more sadistic than is usually considered ideal
THAT IS HEATED METAL
AND NOW WE HAVE A CROSS BOW
Joffrey is fucking weird
Joffrey is one messed up lad
Baelish! Renly is the most ladiest of all ladies men, do not bother sniffing around his marriage
Mrs Renly seems pretty cool so far
That’s the one
Anyone who can talk to Baelish and not give something away is pretty cool in my books
I love her. She is super good at this game
Dany! What’s she up to these days?
Lost in the desert
Well, not lost, but everywhere they could go people want to kill them and they have very few supplies
“What’s that smell?” “Dead people” ‘Arry, you are kind of creepy sometimes
you so creepy
Detective Stark is not keen to see Baelish
Baelish’s romantic plans are not off to a good start
Do RomComs ever start off well though?
Baelish! You don’t have Arya!
Lying is not a good start to a relationship!
He’s the quirky main character of the rom-com, he lies because he’s nervous!
And he seems to have brought Detective Stark her late husband’s bones, so that’s a good sign
A classic romcom move
Those kids tried that tactic of looking at the person so they wouldn’t get picked
And it backfired
And now the kids will have to answer questions
Like, I can see the logic but what a stupid fucking move
I am intrigued by this rat technique
Describe the technique?
They have rats in a bucket tied to his body and are heating the bucket with fire
I think the fire would present a workplace health and safety issue, but it otherwise seems effective.
They actually did that in the middle ages
There you go!
Like, despite all the shitty things that happen in the show actual medieval people did even worse things
Yeah, it was not all feasts and fancy frocks
Have you heard of Caligula?
He’s a roman emperor from the first century AD
Caligula bears a very uncomfortable similarity to our least favourite king
Hey he does too!
That’s either excellent casting or a freaky coincidence
Hehe, Stannis has a different Banner and Renly was like, “well I suppose if we used the same one the battle would be terribly confusing”
“Why is your stag on fire?” A question we must all ask ourselves
Merlin-lady, your looks are unlikely to appeal to Renly, just saying
Because he’s such a ladies man
He doesn’t need any more ladies
Renly when you say you loved your brother once I hope you mean in the normal, non-Lannister way
It can be hard to tell with this show
They’re claiming it is the most beautiful city that ever will be. That’s a pretty big claim.
Oh yeah they’re from the future
This is the famous Game of Thrones time-travel plot
Dany, give them a look at one of the dragons
“I don’t think you are a liar, but as I’ve never met you before my opinion is of little value”
Speaker for the 13 is smooth
“The girl threatens to burn our city down and you invite her in for a cup of wine?”
Hey, manners are manners.
So some guy has just shown up to stop ‘Arry and co from being tortured and executed
And immediately knew ‘Arry was a girl
He has a lion on his shoulder,
Like a pet?
He looks familiar
But I am bad at recognising characters
Father of Tyrion, Queenie, and Jamie!
I wondered if it might be him
What’s the J-Man up to?
Jaime? Just sort of being held captive
Wait, is Queenie sleeping with her cousin also?
Her cousin who looks a bit girlie
Well, I suppose he is a little less related than her brother…
“Save it for Joffrey, he loves a good grovel” UNTIL HE KILLS PEOPLE
Tyrion is very against Queenie sleeping with cousins
Or has worked out how this advantages him
Pretty sure sleeping with cousins was okay back then, I suppose
Haha, Stannis just corrected the onion guy from less to fewer
Who knew they were so into grammar back then?
So Merlin is nakey and seems to be in labour
It is very confusing to me
…that is not a baby