And we open on Dr Leakie, talking about Neolution
This guy is so dumb and also lame
And *so* ugly
He’s looks like John Malkovich’s skeleton
People should stop bothering trying to prevent Cosima from banging Frenchie. Ain’t gonna happen.
Cosima: “I’ll obviously approach Delphine way more logically.”
Man she loves her some science.
She’ll do it TRIPLE blind
I bet Cosima designed the opening titles
So much science
Does Maslany get paid 5 salaries
She fucking deserves it
Fun fact! The show’s scientist consultant is also named Cosima
Cosima is by far the most two-dimensional clone we spend time with
She’s just lesbian + science
We haven’t seen much of her though
Whenever we do, it’s science science science.
And then back to science
Not a bad life!
Clubs where people get branded
It’s techno progressive
I wonder if the writers are aware of the difference between science and cults
Or the fact that they really very rarely overlap
Olivier: “Beth is normally a cold fish. Your words.”
Who actually calls someone a cold fish
and what does it even mean
So either you’ve never had sex with a fish
Or you’ve exclusively made love to warm fish
Who sexualised a fish enough to then be able to relate a human sexual type to it
Maybe it was originally a compliment
From someone who was REALLY into fishes
You ran up and stopped Felix from giving Paul a blowjob
Colin will be relieved
Oh god I hate it when people hand each other blades
It just…it never ends well
No one in TV ever hands someone a blade which is then used to cut up a delicious pie
Or make a wood-carving of a baby deer
It’s always cutting and bleeding
Paul: “An illegal human cloning trial.”
Right. The problem is that it’s illegal.
How did Helena know Sarah would go down to the basement
She’s been down there for weeks
Subsiding on rats and her own hair
Did Helena put salt in her jelly?
She looked really confused while eating it
She made a huge mistake.
I like that she tries new things. We could all take a page from her book
Threatening to stab Helena!
You know we haven’t met a new clone in forever
This show has been very disappointing in its rate of clone introduction
They burned through the first ones pretty quick
Yeah that’s true
They need to pace themselves
Okay, Professor Leekie is the boss of Olivier
It’s all falling into place
Professor Leekie also sounds like he belongs in a Harry Potter book
These science subcultures
With groupies and clubs and…
Well to be fair, bodymodding exists. But it’s not very scientific.
I can’t wait to see this guys tail
Paul: “Is this a test of some kind?”
That is the second time he’s used that line.
I don’t think it works as well as he thinks it does.
I guess it can get you through most situations
At least, anything that “Damn right” doesn’t.
We could have a supercut of Paul saying dumb shit but it would go on forever
Helena be honest do YOU eve know what you’re doing any more?
Smelling clothes and eating chicken
She’s got a grand plan i’m sure. Just you wait
Frenchie: “I am the cold turkey asshole.”
Cosima: ‘YES PLEASE.’
I hate it when I’m on a date with someone and then they invite someone else to the table. Frenchie is on thin ice
Is that a thing that people do?
I have never seen that happen
Admittedly I have no friends
Not have I ever been on a date
maybe it only happens to me because I’m boring on dates.
You’re boring ALL the time
thanks. I needed that
The closest I can think of as a real-life scientist with groupies would be Richard Dawkins
His groupies are mostly dudes though. Not hot french girls.
Or maybe that British guy that everyone loves
Why on earth did Cosima recommend Sarah just turn herself in?
Like what was that advice based on?
Olivier: “You do this, Afghanistan goes away.”
Man this guy has PULL.
Where was he twenty years ago!
Frenchie invited Leeky to the table but I don’t think she’s happy with how much he’s fixated on Cosima
Yeah well. that’s why you shouldn’t drag other people into dates.
I feel like they’re really setting Mrs S up to be the bad guy
PAUL IS THE MOTHER-FUCKING HERO
He just sacrificed himself AND Afghanistan for Sarah!
Nah he’s just playing the long con and is really awful through and through
I’m sick of people pulling the Afghanistan card
Georgia it is lucky you’re a lesbian
Because you have 0 taste in men
i like felix. I have exactly 1 taste in men.
I love you so
Having a little dinner-party with a photo of Paul
I would so love to be a part of this
I could talk to Helena or listen to her talk to Paul or just look at Paul
The perfect night
you’d have to just sit quietly and let her talk for you
Felix: “Just don’t die.”
Felix does have some pretty damned good advice.
he’s been the voice of reason throughout the whole show
Except when he spent all that coke money on a fake funeral
he gets one slip-up
You make this plot go in such interesting directions
I was fully expecting another like episode of torture and tracking and hiding and mysteries
Instead you just went straight into the room with your enemy and the guy who just sacrificed himself to protect you
It’s a mile a minute!
Olivier. If I had a tail i’d wear it with pride.
not hide it in my pants.
You would also be an awful boy.
HERE IT COMES
SHOW US THE TAIL
yes yes yes
It’s just his cock
I hope he doesn’t just mean his penis
Don’t answer the phone
Whip your cock out
Whoever made that interrupting phone call I hate forever
Helena. You are amazing.
It’s completely impossible to watch this show and keep in mind that they’re all the same actor
It’s especially impressive how well she plays Olivier
I think Art is the truer triumph
Helena wants to see his tail as well!
AH It’s the tail
why is it wagging
why is he happy
Oh my god it’s so gross
don’t touch it helena
Felix. Always waiting in the car
In all fairness he’s very good at it
Okay Paul has well and truly proven himself
nup. I won’t have it
Helena just wants to dance
with a tail
I love her
Okay new clone ranking:
4) Dead German
Did I miss any?
Alison shot up
Yeah you were right
You should always trust me.
Not when it comes to Paul I shouldn’t!
At this point in the season, what’s your list?
3) Cosima (who is at grave risk of going even higher because she just kissed a girl)
who am i missing.
Beth is at the bottom because she’s had the worst lines so far.
Katja doesn’t count.
Cosima is making out with a girl
That might bump her up a slot
Oh no Delphine is straight!
My ranking of men in the show:
2) Paul (although I was tempted to put him at tied-first just because of how much you hate him)
My ranking of men:
End of list.
I had so much I was supposed to do today. I’m happy with my choices.
Professor Leekie’s first name is Aldous
There is nothing about that man that isn’t gross
Oh man is he going to strip off at some point and we’ll find out he has like a dozen gross and creepy “enhancements”?
Art is so confused
They do a reallllly good job of juggling the plotlines
Like Helena disappeared to heal for a few episodes
And I don’t think Alison was in that last episode
But it’s never obvious
I could do without Art’s storyline.
Not only because I hate him, he’s just annoying and complicating.
Awwww Paul and Sarah are naked and hugging
It makes me sick.
Felix just offered to invite Alison around to cuddle up and watch Grey’s Anatomy
That sounds amazing
I hope we get to see it
They would have the best spin-off
Alison has zero poker face
She had a vague suspicion of her husband and ended up torturing him with craft supplies
She’s a doer!!
I feel like if she drew pocket aces in poker she would immediately spend all the money on a holiday to France
How dull would it have been if she’d ummed and ahhed for 3 episodes over it
Oh yes it’s amazing
Don’t get me wrong
I’m just saying don’t pick her as a bridge partner
Her signalling would just be screaming the cards she had
Maybe in a bad British accent to throw you off the scent
I’d pick her as any kind of partner
Also she is getting divorced from Donnie
They were my third-favourite couple on the show
Don’t join a cult
Just don’t do it
If she joins then we’ll have to see Leakie all the time.
Felix: “Divorce does freaky things to normies. They lose their fake happiness…”
Felix you are just so consistently great
I really hope Ainslie is another innocent
And Alison just systematically loses all her friends through paranoia
But then who was monitor!
Hang on is Paul hanging out with Olivier?
Oh he’s unconscious
He’s keeping his beady, disgusting little eye on him
I feel like this show did a really bad job of explaining the differences between the show’s world and ours
Why do they need to do that?
Like this doctor is totally blasé about the tail
They set it up as our world at the start, and now it turns out it’s a world where people have tails and doctors are just…fine with it.
It goes a long way to explaining why everyone is so cool about the fact clones exist
I don’t see the clone shock thing as such a big deal as you seem to
It’s just…clones are an entirely impossible thing in our world. Like there’s problems with human cloning that we can’t even begin to overcome.
In this world, they exist. The technology has existed for almost 30 years, in fact.
Clearly, there are massive technological differences between our world and this world.
Do you need like an intro text
‘Peter, by the way, some things are different in this show to real life’
That would be handy!
Is it not world building to be showing the new tech as it comes up
It is, but it’s like…the example I always use is Harry Potter
Harry Potter 1 opens with a woman turning into a cat and a flying motorbike
It doesn’t go 9 chapters before going “Oh hey by the way magic exists”
So what do you want in the first scene to show that clones and neolution are all ok
Nope. Just something to show it’s not exactly our world.
That either it’s super-secret technology that no one can possibly know about, OR it’s common knowledge that technology is way better than it is in the real world.
You can set up either super easily – just casually add some technology we don’t have in the background of the first episode, and set it a vague 5-10 years in the future
A mobile phone that has a hologram or a club with a weird freaky lock
Instead it’s iPhones and old nokias and our technology BUT ALSO tails that doctors are totally fine with
But I think the very fact she’s a living clone shows that enough
Like we’re currently following these two police officers who are baffled by the identical DNA thing
They’re like “Is it twins!? What is it?”
Whereas if they *knew* that cloning was possible (as they should, based on the doctors’ reaction) it would open up more information for them
Yeah, because they’ve been made by a super secret, super bankrolled scientific outfit
I’d be fine with that.
Except the doctor is like “Oh hey this guy has a tail”
Not “HOLY SHIT HE HAS A TAIL”
He’s just being professional…
I get that the tail bit is weird
Either it’s super-secret and the outside world has no idea
and everyone is shocked
OR people are super casual about it
yeah. Helena was certainly excited by the tail.
She took it dancing and everything
That’s all I ask.
Mrs S just yelled at Felix. I got chills.
Oh man is Chad the monitor? That’d be a fantastic twist.
He’s been there the whole time but we’ve never even questioned it
I hate it in shows when people smoke pot and then get all shocked when someone else joins it. liek ‘Whoooa you’re cool too omg!”
Olivier, barely conscious, face-down in hospital with his butt in the air: “I’m not the one in the compromising condition here.”
Now that’s balls.
There’s a moment in Let’s Be Cops where they (the main characters who are pretending to be cops) find some guys smoking pot
They take a puff
I think that’s an amazing way of doing the trope
Alison. Stahp it.
The second you think someone is your monitor
Your morals go out the window
Torture, adultery, weed
She’s a mess, monitor-wise
HOW does Cosima have that apartment
She’s a scientist
The most prestigious and profitable occupations in the world
They get all the money and all the women. I am in the wrong industry. I have neither of those things.
I really want Cosima to jump Delphine again
Like “second time lucky”
Looks like it’s going that way
HERE WE GO
this is happening
Some science-on-science action
i need to stop typing for a moment
Georgia come on
You can type one-handed
no i cnt
Oh man I really want Chad to be the monitor
Pot-smoking, affair-having monitor
ohhh. switching from pot to gross hetero van sex??? dick move
“Mira saw you screwing my husband”
Different Mira, surely
Different to who
And now they are beating the hell out of each other.
This doing anything for you, Georgia? Some soccer mum on soccer mum action?
More than I care to admit.
Oh man I am loving this cop plotline
Whyyyy. It adds nothing so far.
They just keep finding more and more women with the same face
It’s a really cool exploration of the world
You just love world explanation.
Alison presumably drove over here drunk
I guess she drove home last night stoned
She’s a laugh-riot.
Fucking hell how is one actor so talented
I can only assume they ACTUALLY got a bunch of clones together to film this
It’s the only explanation that makes sense
You obviously don’t know enough sciences.
Get off the floor
But don’t get off the floor and then steal Kira
She’s in a cheese-stick coma
Man we keep moving up the chain
And getting more people on-side
First it was Paul, now Olivier
Why are their bras still on
You obviously don’t know enough lesbian
Can’t wait until we have Professor Leekie fighting against whoever is his boss
What the fuck was that line
Cosima: “Get ready. You’re about to become a craving addict.”
Delphine: “I already am.”
That’s a lesbian thing, we say that.
Oh well there we go
It’s the unflappable doctor, your least favourite character
Why have they not moved Olivier into a bed
he can’t lie on his back because of his bloody stump
Yes but you can still go into a bed surely
Damn your knowledge of science and lesbianism
Oh my god
You ARE Cosima
Delphine didn’t share the fact that Sarah had a 7-yearold
I love how torn every character in this is
No one is purely good or evil!
They’re all three-dimensional characters!
Except I guess Cosima
and maybe Leakie
I wonder how much of the budget went to these shots with multiple Sarahs in the picture
Is kinesiology a university degree?
Yeah sure why not
In this world ANYTHING is possible
Helena: “We’re all messed up. Except you, Sarah.”
She has not spent enough time around Sarah
They didn’t seem to be getting much done before Sarah came along
Felix: “I was so shocked, seeing laid out on that slab, looking so…dead.”
He has a poker face to rival Alison’s
Has Felix been painting all the clones?
Because that may rival “spending 5 thousand pounds on a fake wake” as the stupidest thing in the show
You just don’t understand Art
Felix is a beautiful and flawed character
Perfect writing, basically
Death of the tail!
They’re not all masterminds. Not like Helena
And Mrs S
Who adopts kids and gets them to call her “Mrs S”?
It really doesn’t help that I just did a bunch of reading on cloning recently
That should help a lot!
And so I’m aware of how helpful it would be to have the ability to clone mammals
Let alone the ability…what, 28 years ago?
How old are the clone ladies?
Oh god Kira
What the fuck are you doing
Don’t go outside with the strange woman who you KNOW is not your mother
The only smart one we had!
Well, back to the drawing board
Better clone some new kids
Maaaan, Sarah is taking a long time to run down that path
How will she find them in that little alley
She probably zoomed right past
Awwww Helena is letting her go!
Helena is so great
Wow. I forgot about that part.
WE JUST SAW A GIRL GET HIT BY A CAR
That is something you do NOT normally see on TV!
Let the record show that Peter dropped his bundle.
It’s like in the first episode of Skins, when Chris drops a baby
That sort of thing is normally off-limits
Fuck she full-on bounced and everything
I wonder how many real kids they had to hit with cars to make that look believable
Fun fact! it was at least 11
I NEED ME SOME BLACK ORPHANS, STAT
I’m going to sincerely hope you meant Orphan Black
Otherwise I’m not sure if we can hang out any more