Orphan Black: Season 1, Episodes 7-8

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In early 2015, Peter and his friend Georgia sat down to watch the entirety of Orphan Black season 1 in one day. Or was it…Peter and a clone!?
:
No. It was definitely Georgia. We checked.
:
(Peter was the clone.)
:
orphan black
:
[[Episode 7]]
Peter:
And we open on Dr Leakie, talking about Neolution
Peter:
Man
Peter:
This guy is so dumb and also lame
Georgia:
And *so* ugly
Peter:
He’s looks like John Malkovich’s skeleton
Georgia:
People should stop bothering trying to prevent Cosima from banging Frenchie. Ain’t gonna happen.
Peter:
Cosima: “I’ll obviously approach Delphine way more logically.”
Peter:
Man she loves her some science.
Georgia:
She’ll do it TRIPLE blind
Peter:
I bet Cosima designed the opening titles
Peter:
So much science
Georgia:
Does Maslany get paid 5 salaries
Peter:
She fucking deserves it
Georgia:
Fun fact! The show’s scientist consultant is also named Cosima
Peter:
Cosima is by far the most two-dimensional clone we spend time with
Peter:
She’s just lesbian + science
Georgia:
We haven’t seen much of her though
Peter:
Whenever we do, it’s science science science.
Peter:
Lesbianism.
Peter:
And then back to science
Georgia:
Not a bad life!
Peter:
Ah yes
Peter:
Clubs where people get branded
Georgia:
It’s techno progressive
Peter:
I wonder if the writers are aware of the difference between science and cults
Peter:
Or the fact that they really very rarely overlap
Peter:
Olivier: “Beth is normally a cold fish. Your words.”
Peter:
Poor Beth
Georgia:
Who actually calls someone a cold fish
Georgia:
and what does it even mean
Peter:
Hang on
Peter:
So either you’ve never had sex with a fish
Peter:
Or you’ve exclusively made love to warm fish
Georgia:
Who sexualised a fish enough to then be able to relate a human sexual type to it
Peter:
Maybe it was originally a compliment
Peter:
From someone who was REALLY into fishes
Peter:
Awww Sarah
Peter:
You ran up and stopped Felix from giving Paul a blowjob
Peter:
Spoilsport
Georgia:
Colin will be relieved
Peter:
Oh god I hate it when people hand each other blades
Peter:
It just…it never ends well
Peter:
No one in TV ever hands someone a blade which is then used to cut up a delicious pie
Peter:
Or make a wood-carving of a baby deer
Peter:
It’s always cutting and bleeding
Peter:
Paul: “An illegal human cloning trial.”
Peter:
Right. The problem is that it’s illegal.
Peter:
PRIORITIES
Georgia:
How did Helena know Sarah would go down to the basement
Peter:
She’s been down there for weeks
Peter:
Subsiding on rats and her own hair
Peter:
Did Helena put salt in her jelly?
Peter:
She looked really confused while eating it
Georgia:
She made a huge mistake.
Georgia:
I like that she tries new things. We could all take a page from her book
Peter:
Yeah Sarah!
Peter:
Threatening to stab Helena!
Peter:
Hooray!
Peter:
You know we haven’t met a new clone in forever
Peter:
This show has been very disappointing in its rate of clone introduction
Georgia:
They burned through the first ones pretty quick
Peter:
Yeah that’s true
Peter:
They need to pace themselves
Peter:
Okay, Professor Leekie is the boss of Olivier
Georgia:
It’s all falling into place
Peter:
Professor Leekie also sounds like he belongs in a Harry Potter book
Peter:
Man
Peter:
These science subcultures
Peter:
With groupies and clubs and…
Georgia:
Well to be fair, bodymodding exists. But it’s not very scientific.
Georgia:
I can’t wait to see this guys tail
Peter:
Paul: “Is this a test of some kind?”
Peter:
That is the second time he’s used that line.
Peter:
I don’t think it works as well as he thinks it does.
Peter:
I guess it can get you through most situations
Peter:
At least, anything that “Damn right” doesn’t.
Georgia:
We could have a supercut of Paul saying dumb shit but it would go on forever
Peter:
Helena be honest do YOU eve know what you’re doing any more?
Peter:
Smelling clothes and eating chicken
Georgia:
She’s got a grand plan i’m sure. Just you wait
Peter:
Frenchie: “I am the cold turkey asshole.”
Peter:
Cosima: ‘YES PLEASE.’
Georgia:
I hate it when I’m on a date with someone and then they invite someone else to the table. Frenchie is on thin ice
Peter:
Is that a thing that people do?
Peter:
I have never seen that happen
Peter:
Admittedly I have no friends
Peter:
Not have I ever been on a date
Georgia:
I HAVE.
Georgia:
maybe it only happens to me because I’m boring on dates.
Peter:
Georgia, no!
Peter:
No.
Peter:
You’re boring ALL the time
Georgia:
thanks. I needed that
Peter:
The closest I can think of as a real-life scientist with groupies would be Richard Dawkins
Georgia:
His groupies are mostly dudes though. Not hot french girls.
Peter:
Or maybe that British guy that everyone loves
Peter:
Brian Cox
Peter:
Why on earth did Cosima recommend Sarah just turn herself in?
Peter:
Like what was that advice based on?
Peter:
Olivier: “You do this, Afghanistan goes away.”
Peter:
Man this guy has PULL.
Georgia:
Where was he twenty years ago!
Peter:
Frenchie invited Leeky to the table but I don’t think she’s happy with how much he’s fixated on Cosima
Georgia:
Yeah well. that’s why you shouldn’t drag other people into dates.
Peter:
I feel like they’re really setting Mrs S up to be the bad guy
Peter:
PAUL IS THE MOTHER-FUCKING HERO
Peter:
COME ON
Peter:
He just sacrificed himself AND Afghanistan for Sarah!
Georgia:
Nah he’s just playing the long con and is really awful through and through
Georgia:
I’m sick of people pulling the Afghanistan card
Peter:
Georgia it is lucky you’re a lesbian
Peter:
Because you have 0 taste in men
Georgia:
i like felix. I have exactly 1 taste in men.
Peter:
Oh Helena
Peter:
I love you so
Peter:
Having a little dinner-party with a photo of Paul
Peter:
I would so love to be a part of this
Peter:
I could talk to Helena or listen to her talk to Paul or just look at Paul
Peter:
The perfect night
Georgia:
you’d have to just sit quietly and let her talk for you
Peter:
Even better
Peter:
Felix: “Just don’t die.”
Peter:
Felix does have some pretty damned good advice.
Georgia:
he’s been the voice of reason throughout the whole show
Peter:
Except when he spent all that coke money on a fake funeral
Georgia:
he gets one slip-up
Peter:
Oh Sarah
Peter:
You make this plot go in such interesting directions
Peter:
I was fully expecting another like episode of torture and tracking and hiding and mysteries
Peter:
Instead you just went straight into the room with your enemy and the guy who just sacrificed himself to protect you
Georgia:
It’s a mile a minute!
Peter:
Amazing
Georgia:
Olivier. If I had a tail i’d wear it with pride.
Georgia:
not hide it in my pants.
Peter:
You would also be an awful boy.
Georgia:
HERE IT COMES
Georgia:
SHOW US THE TAIL
Georgia:
Yes
Georgia:
yes yes yes
Peter:
It’s just his cock
Georgia:
I hope he doesn’t just mean his penis
Peter:
Nooooooo
Peter:
Don’t answer the phone
Peter:
Whip your cock out
Georgia:
Whoever made that interrupting phone call I hate forever
Peter:
Skeleton Malkovich
Peter:
Skeletovich
Georgia:
Helena. You are amazing.
Peter:
It’s completely impossible to watch this show and keep in mind that they’re all the same actor
Peter:
It’s especially impressive how well she plays Olivier
Georgia:
I think Art is the truer triumph
Peter:
Helena wants to see his tail as well!
Georgia:
AH It’s the tail
Georgia:
why is it wagging
Georgia:
why is he happy
Peter:
Oh my god it’s so gross
Peter:
Noooooo
Georgia:
don’t touch it helena
Georgia:
Felix. Always waiting in the car
Peter:
In all fairness he’s very good at it
Peter:
Okay Paul has well and truly proven himself
Georgia:
nup. I won’t have it
Peter:
Helena just wants to dance
Georgia:
with a tail
Peter:
I love her
Peter:
Okay new clone ranking:
Peter:
1) Sarah
Peter:
2) Helena
Peter:
3) Alison
Peter:
4) Dead German
Peter:
5) Cosima
Peter:
6) Beth
Peter:
Did I miss any?
Georgia:
Alison shot up
Peter:
Yeah you were right
Peter:
She’s fantastic
Georgia:
You should always trust me.
Peter:
Not when it comes to Paul I shouldn’t!
Peter:
At this point in the season, what’s your list?
Georgia:
1) Helena
Georgia:
2) Alison
Georgia:
3) Cosima (who is at grave risk of going even higher because she just kissed a girl)
Georgia:
4) Sarah
Georgia:
5) Beth
Georgia:
who am i missing.
Georgia:
Beth is at the bottom because she’s had the worst lines so far.
Georgia:
Katja doesn’t count.
Peter:
Cosima is making out with a girl
Peter:
That might bump her up a slot
Peter:
Oh no Delphine is straight!
Peter:
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Peter:
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Peter:
My ranking of men in the show:
Peter:
1) Felix
Peter:
2) Paul (although I was tempted to put him at tied-first just because of how much you hate him)
Peter:
3) Donnie
Peter:
4) Art
Peter:
5) Olivier
Peter:
6) Leekie
Peter:
7) Vic
Georgia:
My ranking of men:
Georgia:
1) Felix
Georgia:
End of list.
Georgia:
[[Episode 8]]
Georgia:
I had so much I was supposed to do today. I’m happy with my choices.
Peter:
Professor Leekie’s first name is Aldous
Peter:
There is nothing about that man that isn’t gross
Peter:
Oh man is he going to strip off at some point and we’ll find out he has like a dozen gross and creepy “enhancements”?
Georgia:
Tails EVERYWHERE
Peter:
Art is so confused
Peter:
They do a reallllly good job of juggling the plotlines
Peter:
Like Helena disappeared to heal for a few episodes
Peter:
And I don’t think Alison was in that last episode
Peter:
But it’s never obvious
Georgia:
I could do without Art’s storyline.
Georgia:
Not only because I hate him, he’s just annoying and complicating.
Peter:
Awwww Paul and Sarah are naked and hugging
Peter:
How lovely
Georgia:
It makes me sick.
Peter:
Felix just offered to invite Alison around to cuddle up and watch Grey’s Anatomy
Peter:
That sounds amazing
Peter:
I hope we get to see it
Georgia:
They would have the best spin-off
Peter:
Alison has zero poker face
Peter:
She had a vague suspicion of her husband and ended up torturing him with craft supplies
Georgia:
She’s a doer!!
Peter:
I feel like if she drew pocket aces in poker she would immediately spend all the money on a holiday to France
Georgia:
How dull would it have been if she’d ummed and ahhed for 3 episodes over it
Peter:
Oh yes it’s amazing
Peter:
Don’t get me wrong
Peter:
I’m just saying don’t pick her as a bridge partner
Peter:
Her signalling would just be screaming the cards she had
Peter:
Maybe in a bad British accent to throw you off the scent
Georgia:
I’d pick her as any kind of partner
Peter:
Also she is getting divorced from Donnie
Peter:
They were my third-favourite couple on the show
Peter:
Cosima
Peter:
Don’t join a cult
Peter:
Just…
Peter:
Just don’t do it
Georgia:
If she joins then we’ll have to see Leakie all the time.
Peter:
Felix: “Divorce does freaky things to normies. They lose their fake happiness…”
Peter:
Felix you are just so consistently great
Peter:
I really hope Ainslie is another innocent
Peter:
And Alison just systematically loses all her friends through paranoia
Georgia:
But then who was monitor!
Peter:
Hang on is Paul hanging out with Olivier?
Peter:
Oh he’s unconscious
Georgia:
He’s keeping his beady, disgusting little eye on him
Peter:
I feel like this show did a really bad job of explaining the differences between the show’s world and ours
Georgia:
Why do they need to do that?
Peter:
Like this doctor is totally blasé about the tail
Peter:
They set it up as our world at the start, and now it turns out it’s a world where people have tails and doctors are just…fine with it.
Peter:
It goes a long way to explaining why everyone is so cool about the fact clones exist
Georgia:
I don’t see the clone shock thing as such a big deal as you seem to
Peter:
It’s just…clones are an entirely impossible thing in our world. Like there’s problems with human cloning that we can’t even begin to overcome.
Peter:
In this world, they exist. The technology has existed for almost 30 years, in fact.
Peter:
Clearly, there are massive technological differences between our world and this world.
Georgia:
Do you need like an intro text
Georgia:
‘Peter, by the way, some things are different in this show to real life’
Peter:
That would be handy!
Georgia:
Is it not world building to be showing the new tech as it comes up
Peter:
It is, but it’s like…the example I always use is Harry Potter
Peter:
Harry Potter 1 opens with a woman turning into a cat and a flying motorbike
Peter:
It doesn’t go 9 chapters before going “Oh hey by the way magic exists”
Georgia:
So what do you want in the first scene to show that clones and neolution are all ok
Georgia:
That’s spoilers
Peter:
Nope. Just something to show it’s not exactly our world.
Peter:
That either it’s super-secret technology that no one can possibly know about, OR it’s common knowledge that technology is way better than it is in the real world.
Peter:
You can set up either super easily – just casually add some technology we don’t have in the background of the first episode, and set it a vague 5-10 years in the future
Peter:
A mobile phone that has a hologram or a club with a weird freaky lock
Peter:
Instead it’s iPhones and old nokias and our technology BUT ALSO tails that doctors are totally fine with
Georgia:
But I think the very fact she’s a living clone shows that enough
Peter:
Like we’re currently following these two police officers who are baffled by the identical DNA thing
Peter:
They’re like “Is it twins!? What is it?”
Peter:
Whereas if they *knew* that cloning was possible (as they should, based on the doctors’ reaction) it would open up more information for them
Georgia:
Yeah, because they’ve been made by a super secret, super bankrolled scientific outfit
Peter:
Right.
Peter:
I’d be fine with that.
Peter:
Except the doctor is like “Oh hey this guy has a tail”
Peter:
Not “HOLY SHIT HE HAS A TAIL”
Georgia:
He’s just being professional…
Georgia:
I get that the tail bit is weird
Peter:
Either it’s super-secret and the outside world has no idea
Peter:
and everyone is shocked
Peter:
OR people are super casual about it
Peter:
Not both
Georgia:
yeah. Helena was certainly excited by the tail.
Georgia:
She took it dancing and everything
Peter:
That’s all I ask.
Georgia:
Mrs S just yelled at Felix. I got chills.
Peter:
Oh man is Chad the monitor? That’d be a fantastic twist.
Peter:
He’s been there the whole time but we’ve never even questioned it
Georgia:
I hate it in shows when people smoke pot and then get all shocked when someone else joins it. liek ‘Whoooa you’re cool too omg!”
Peter:
Olivier, barely conscious, face-down in hospital with his butt in the air: “I’m not the one in the compromising condition here.”
Peter:
Now that’s balls.
Peter:
There’s a moment in Let’s Be Cops where they (the main characters who are pretending to be cops) find some guys smoking pot
Peter:
They take a puff
Peter:
I think that’s an amazing way of doing the trope
Georgia:
Alison. Stahp it.
Peter:
Oh Alison
Peter:
The second you think someone is your monitor
Peter:
Your morals go out the window
Peter:
Torture, adultery, weed
Georgia:
She’s a mess, monitor-wise
Georgia:
HOW does Cosima have that apartment
Peter:
Uh Georgia
Peter:
She’s a scientist
Peter:
The most prestigious and profitable occupations in the world
Georgia:
They get all the money and all the women. I am in the wrong industry. I have neither of those things.
Peter:
I really want Cosima to jump Delphine again
Peter:
Like “second time lucky”
Georgia:
Looks like it’s going that way
Georgia:
HERE WE GO
Peter:
Aw yissss
Georgia:
this is happening
Peter:
Some science-on-science action
Georgia:
i need to stop typing for a moment
Peter:
Georgia come on
Peter:
You can type one-handed
Georgia:
no i cnt
Peter:
Oh man I really want Chad to be the monitor
Peter:
Pot-smoking, affair-having monitor
Georgia:
ohhh. switching from pot to gross hetero van sex??? dick move
Peter:
Correct, yes.
Peter:
DICK move.
Peter:
Shapow!
Peter:
“Mira saw you screwing my husband”
Peter:
Different Mira, surely
Georgia:
Different to who
Peter:
The daughter
Georgia:
Kira.
Peter:
Ah.
Peter:
And now they are beating the hell out of each other.
Peter:
This doing anything for you, Georgia? Some soccer mum on soccer mum action?
Georgia:
More than I care to admit.
Peter:
Oh man I am loving this cop plotline
Georgia:
Whyyyy. It adds nothing so far.
Peter:
They just keep finding more and more women with the same face
Peter:
It’s a really cool exploration of the world
Peter:
Slash premise
Georgia:
You just love world explanation.
Peter:
Alison presumably drove over here drunk
Peter:
I guess she drove home last night stoned
Georgia:
She’s a laugh-riot.
Peter:
Fucking hell how is one actor so talented
Peter:
I can only assume they ACTUALLY got a bunch of clones together to film this
Peter:
It’s the only explanation that makes sense
Georgia:
You obviously don’t know enough sciences.
Peter:
Aw Helena
Peter:
Whatcha doin
Peter:
Get off the floor
Peter:
But don’t get off the floor and then steal Kira
Georgia:
She’s in a cheese-stick coma
Peter:
Man we keep moving up the chain
Peter:
And getting more people on-side
Peter:
First it was Paul, now Olivier
Georgia:
Why are their bras still on
Georgia:
problematic!
Peter:
Georgia
Peter:
You obviously don’t know enough lesbian
Peter:
Can’t wait until we have Professor Leekie fighting against whoever is his boss
Peter:
Oh Jesus
Peter:
What the fuck was that line
Peter:
Cosima: “Get ready. You’re about to become a craving addict.”
Peter:
Delphine: “I already am.”
Peter:
Booooooooo
Georgia:
That’s a lesbian thing, we say that.
Peter:
Oh well there we go
Peter:
PLOTHOLE: Resolved
Georgia:
It’s the unflappable doctor, your least favourite character
Peter:
Why have they not moved Olivier into a bed
Georgia:
he can’t lie on his back because of his bloody stump
Peter:
Yes but you can still go into a bed surely
Georgia:
Science, Peter!
Peter:
Damn your knowledge of science and lesbianism
Peter:
Oh my god
Peter:
You ARE Cosima
Georgia:
MY SECRET!
Peter:
Oh man
Peter:
Delphine didn’t share the fact that Sarah had a 7-yearold
Georgia:
So duplicitous!
Peter:
I love how torn every character in this is
Peter:
No one is purely good or evil!
Peter:
They’re all three-dimensional characters!
Peter:
Except I guess Cosima
Peter:
and maybe Leakie
Peter:
I wonder how much of the budget went to these shots with multiple Sarahs in the picture
Georgia:
Is kinesiology a university degree?
Peter:
Yeah sure why not
Peter:
In this world ANYTHING is possible
Georgia:
apparently!
Peter:
Helena: “We’re all messed up. Except you, Sarah.”
Peter:
She has not spent enough time around Sarah
Georgia:
They didn’t seem to be getting much done before Sarah came along
Peter:
Felix: “I was so shocked, seeing laid out on that slab, looking so…dead.”
Peter:
He has a poker face to rival Alison’s
Peter:
Hang on
Peter:
Has Felix been painting all the clones?
Georgia:
yeah
Peter:
Because that may rival “spending 5 thousand pounds on a fake wake” as the stupidest thing in the show
Georgia:
You just don’t understand Art
Peter:
Felix is a beautiful and flawed character
Peter:
Perfect writing, basically
Peter:
Death of the tail!
Georgia:
They’re not all masterminds. Not like Helena
Georgia:
And Mrs S
Peter:
Who adopts kids and gets them to call her “Mrs S”?
Peter:
It really doesn’t help that I just did a bunch of reading on cloning recently
Georgia:
That should help a lot!
Peter:
And so I’m aware of how helpful it would be to have the ability to clone mammals
Peter:
Let alone the ability…what, 28 years ago?
Peter:
How old are the clone ladies?
Peter:
Oh god Kira
Peter:
What the fuck are you doing
Peter:
Don’t go outside with the strange woman who you KNOW is not your mother
Georgia:
The only smart one we had!
Peter:
Well, back to the drawing board
Peter:
Better clone some new kids
Peter:
Maaaan, Sarah is taking a long time to run down that path
Georgia:
How will she find them in that little alley
Georgia:
She probably zoomed right past
Peter:
Awwww Helena is letting her go!
Peter:
Helena is so great
Peter:
WHOAAAAA
Georgia:
Wow. I forgot about that part.
Peter:
WE JUST SAW A GIRL GET HIT BY A CAR
Peter:
That is something you do NOT normally see on TV!
Georgia:
Let the record show that Peter dropped his bundle.
Peter:
It’s like in the first episode of Skins, when Chris drops a baby
Peter:
That sort of thing is normally off-limits
Peter:
Nope!
Peter:
Fuck she full-on bounced and everything
Peter:
I wonder how many real kids they had to hit with cars to make that look believable
Georgia:
Fun fact! it was at least 11
Georgia:
Cliff-hanger!
Peter:
NEXT EPISODE
Peter:
I NEED ME SOME BLACK ORPHANS, STAT
Georgia:
I’m going to sincerely hope you meant Orphan Black
Georgia:
Otherwise I’m not sure if we can hang out any more

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