In June/July 2014 (four years late to the party) Elizabeth finally watched through Game of Thrones. Aware of her squeamishness, her brother Xander (who’s seen the show) and friend Anne (who’s also read the books) thought it might be amusing to see her reactions as she watched. This is the transcript of that experience: it contains many spoilers and not much coping.
Okay, sitting down to watch Game of Thrones for the FIRST TIME EVER.
Knowing what happens we get to be totally smug
That most shocking of things
Have you managed to avoid all spoilers Elizabeth?
I have experienced no spoilers!
That’s…actually pretty impressive.
Snow! I love snow! I wish it snowed here
Artfully arranged though, no?
Yeah, to make it freakier
Hey mocking guy, dead bodies are worrying, don’t be so dismissive
Pull yourself together Elizabeth
Cannibals? Zombies? Artists unhappy with their work?
I feel I know the name Sean Bean
Said a watcher of GoT, for the last time
No, I reeeeaaally don’t need to see more beheading
It sounds like there was a beheading
They beheaded the deserter
I like that – the man who passes the sentence should be the man who swings the sword
I suspect the white walkers will be relevant
Ugh, I have to see dead deers too?
The Starks have some good sayings
They do seem pretty smart.
Although their saying is “winter is coming” and they live in a place called “Winterfell”
That’s a lot of innards on the outards
You will see a lot of dead everything babes
Nooo, don’t kill the puppies!
Listen to the man, keep the puppies
Mister Not-a-Stark seems nice
A Snow White puppy for Snow
That castle looks weirdly futuristic
Wait, where did the snow go? Has time passed?
When they were outside earlier, there was snow. Now there’s not.
I’m not 100% certain who these people are
Is that Papa Puppy Giver?
Welcome to experiencing the first few episodes
Papa Puppy Giver is called Ned, apparently
Exposition will happen in a minute
And long reddy brown hair lady
Mister Not-A-Stark is having very dangerous looking shaving times
“He’s never met a girl he likes more than his own hair”
Ugh, so much castle, this show is the best
I am also enjoying all of the horses
He’s played by the guy from The Full Monty
Ironically, he’s also the sole character who remains clothed on camera
Little helmet girl is cool
She’s a little girl in a helmet
Sort of small, female, wearing a helmet
Hmm, I wonder who smug looking blonde boy is?
Everyone’s favourite character
I think more people should bow when I come to visit their castle
I think you should visit more castles
This guy is helpfully naming people
Little helmet girl’s name is Iron?
A month is a long time to be riding
I thought the two hours to Brisbane was far
Hehe, “I’m not trying to honour you, I’m trying to get you to run my kingdom.”
Haha, “I have a son, you have a daughter…” I can do that maths!
Also from The Full Monty!
Whoa, what was that lady doing?
Why is she wearing no clothes?
There is a lot of nudity going on right now
I suspect Peter Dinklage is the imp they are talking about
Haha, barge in, have a drink, send in more whores
that is a weird friendship (brothership?)
Just casually strip that lady, no big deal
I am confused as to whether these people are siblings or not
That’s just a risk you run when you watch GoT
I suspect I am going to see a lot of breasts and bottoms in this show
Still, I guess it’s better to see breasts and bottoms on alive naked people
Rather than just lying around.
The nudity is surprisingly progressive.
I have now seen the same number of man breasty bits as lady breasty bits
Whoa, who’s this weird blonde guy
“Is it true they lie with their horses?”
Does weird blonde guy have a name?
His sister’s name is long and starts with D
Lady, that shirt is a bit thin
Whoa! More swearing! And an inappropriate number of people and horses he will let sleep with his sister
I can’t believe you like Viserys.
Joffrey is a name I have heard
Red headed girl is saying “it’s the only thing I ever wanted”
that is not a little thing, that is wanting to be the future queen
I like Jon Snow (I think that is his name, bastard son dude)
Yes. He’s a good egg that one
Guys, you don’t have to keep calling him a bastard
Even if you are giving advice
And are the queen’s brother
N’aw, “all dwarves are bastards in their father’s eyes”
Whoa, you don’t just ask about a girl’s first period
Little girl throwing food, I love you
That would make more sense than Iron
Hehe, D-long name is appreciating getting snakes for presents
“Dany” is what most call her
I think there is more than cuddling going on
D-long name I sympathise with your plight
Did they just kill a guy?!
Three deaths or it is dull
Sounds like a Hayward gathering
Books for presents, much better
Oh, poor Dany looks so scared
Hey! She just got a pet horse!
Dany and her husband having matching horse and hair colour
There is constant nudity, sex and death, why do I keep being surprised by the swearing?
Or watch people have sex, ew
I don’t know who these people are, but I suspect they were not meant to be sleeping together
PUSHING THE LITTLE KID OUT THE WINDOW WAS NOT THE SOLUTION
IS THAT KID NOW DEAD?!!??!!??!
I AM FEELING TRAUMATISED RIGHT NOW
What!? You can’t end the episode there!
THE ONLY SOLUTION IS TO WATCH MORE
…will that improve things?
The two having sex have something in common, I’ll say that
They aren’t related? That’s not what you mean, right?
I have acquired more tea. Let’s do this.
Poor little Dany, she is really not coping
Viscery continues to be adorable
Ugh, sounds a lot like little kid is definitely dead
I am glad Jaime is slapping prince dude, he was being a jerk
Ohhh we are getting names mixed up I think
Oh, yeah, he was the one slapping prince dude
Jaime pushed Bran out of a window
Yeah, it looks a lot like people sleeping together were the king’s wife and her brother
…does Tyrion know about the sleeping together of his siblings?
Oh my gosh I want Bran to live so much
Please don’t plot to kill Bran
Pronounced “Sir-say” or “Sir-see”
Well we can’t all be British
They say all three at some point or another
Queenie-face seems to be trying to make out that she doesn’t want Bran to die
Despite the fact that she definitely does want him to die.
Jaime seems to be up to mischief
Arya and Jon Snow are the best
Guys! Don’t hug while holding swords! Bad plan!
When she grows up she should definitely marry him
Don’t tell me they indoctrinated you already
I got confused who was who…
That seems to be okay in this world
Jon is the bastard son of Ned
I knew that, I didn’t realise Arya was a Stark too
Arya is a Stark, daughter of Ned and Catelyn
She was the one who shot the arrow!
I know who she is!! They just didn’t say she was a Stark!
I thought she was just part of another family!
Basically everyone in Winterfell right now is either a Stark or a royal (Baratheons)
Apart from Theon the captive, who is a Greyjoy
So it redhead who wants to be queen is also a Stark?
You’ll get to know him soon
I had no idea for a while who anyone was
Older boy Stark seems nice
Apart from accidentally wanting to marry off siblings, I’m not doing too badly
Look, I’m not totally clear on medieval customs, but I’m pretty sure if the king asks you to do something, you do have to do it
Awww, Papa Stark just told Jon he was his son and it was lovely
And he’s going to tell him about his mother
Mama Stark seemed to not like Jon
That makes a lot of sense
What with the tangible proof of her husband sleeping with someone else
No, Ned is right to feel guilty for cheating on his wife
Even if it did produce sweetie-pie Jon
This is the beautiful world of GoT where people can be simultaneously dicks and class acts
I was being sarcastic when I called him a class act
He really really really isn’t
Oh man now I am questioning my remembrances of him sometimes being a class act
HE IS JUST NORMAL ENJOYABLE VILLAINY
Is Jon Snow on the watch?
No, the people of the Night’s Watch are even further north
It’s just Tyrion is talking about being on the watch to Jon
Heeey! Bran’s not going to die!
Who is the six year old Stark?
Ugh, skinning rabbits, that’s yucky
Silly rabbit, skinning is for kids
Haha, silly girl, thinking moon is egg when it is clearly goddess, wife of sun
“I was 9 when my mother sold me to the pleasure house, but don’t worry, I didn’t touch a man for three years”
Because 12 is a way better age
Mama Stark is doing some investigation
Detective Stark is all over this plan
She has thought of everything
Like an intense sniffer dog
Religion in this show: different groups, different beliefs? Or all roughly the same?
The old gods, who are the tree-faces
the new gods, who are pretty forgettable
and the drowned god, who is my favourite
Dany is doing some learnings
The new Gods are seven Gods, the number gets mentioned a lot
The drowned god priests have to be drowned and resuscitated for ordainment
and their motto is “What is dead may never die”
They’re the raddest bunch
Haha, giving her booze and calling her a princess
blondie brat you are a smooth operator
Eww, don’t go stabbing butcher’s boys
Whoa, that was not a nice thing to call someone
Blondie brat is such a sook
Arya continues to be awesome though
Every scene with him you’ll find something more to love
Unless I’ve gotten very confused
Oh no, Red-head Stark is not the witness you want
Arya you are not helping your case
No wonder blondie brat is such a sook with the way his mother carries on
At least Robert is actually being classy now
Ugh, Queenie pants, you don’t need to kill redhead’s wolf
I DON’T LIKE QUEEN STUPIDHEAD
I was just about to ask who is long haired guy giving redhead a cuddle, but that is probably too vague for you
The puppies were the the best part of this show, don’t start killing them off
Papa Stark? He left to kill puppy stark
I thought Robb stayed back with Detective Stark
Ok not sure who long haired hug was then
MAYBE THIS WON’T BE THE WORST SHOW EVER
So: Stark family – Papa Ned Stark, Detective Stark, Robb, red-head, Arya, Bran, six-year-old and Jon Snow
Ned, Catelyn, Robb, Sansa, Arya, Bran, Rickon, Jon Snow
I love some of the nicknames that come out of this show
I knew one character as “Boobs-boobs” for an entire season
Blondies: Visery and Dany, Mr Dany plus some advisor whose voice is very familiar
King Robert, Queenie, Joffrey the blondie brat, Jaime and Tyrion
Plus five puppies whose numbers are slowly dwindling despite being the best characters in the show
Okay: Mr Dany is Khal Drogo.
Puppies are Squeakers, Meekers, Bleakers, Cheekers, and Sir Samuel Shoulderton Fourth.
… One of them is definitely named Lady and also definitely dead
Now: crown Visery has his eye on, is it Robert’s? Or a different crown entirely?
It’s the crown to Westeros, yes
Any time someone mentions the crown or the Iron Throne that’s what they mean
So currently Robert is winning?
20 years prior he had a rebellion
Called “Robert’s Rebellion”
They threw out the Targaryens who ruled supreme for centuries
And Papa Stark fought in that rebellion?
Yes! Him and Robert were totally bros
Who are the Targaryens? The Blondies?
Dany and Viserys are the only surviving Targaryens IIRC
I could probably summon actual puppy names if you wanted?
Robb: Grey Wind. Jon: Ghost. Sansa: Lady. Arya: Nymeria. Bran: Summer. Rickon: Shaggy Dog
Rickon sounds like the best
Rejected names include: Squeakers, Meekers, Bleakers, Cheekers, and Sir Samuel Shoulderton Fourth
You mean SECRET UNDERCOVER CODE NAMES DETECTIVE STARK ASSIGNED THEM
Thoughts from Episode 1 & 2?